There are few things more exciting than picking your Halloween costume.
Though, understandably, every Halloween parents find themselves vetoing provocative costumes their children might wish to wear.
But should a boyfriend have any say in their girlfriend’s Halloween costume?
Redditor Impossible-Gur-5256 found herself in that very uncomfortable situation.
This led her to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow redditors:
“AITA for telling my bf that I don’t care about his opinion on my Halloween costume?”
The Original Poster (OP) shared the plans she made with her friends in deciding to dress up as fairies and concoct their own costumes.
“My (21 female) boyfriend (20 male) does not like my Halloween costume.”
“Halloween is coming up and my friends and I decided that we wanted to dress up as fairies.”
“Halloween is the one day that it is okay for people to dress scandalously and we were taking full advantage.”
“My friends and I ordered lace bodysuits with different patterns.”
“Mine specifically was green with gold trim and butterflies all over it (very cute).”
“The whole outfit consists of the bodysuit, sheer tights, plastic leaves on vines, jewelry, sandals, wings, and pointed ears.”
She then revealed that her boyfriend was less than thrilled when he learned what she would be wearing.
“I told my boyfriend about my Halloween costume and he immediately said that he does not want me wearing the costume.”
“I told him that he has no say in what I wear.”
“He was not happy and told me that I should have asked him about my costume before purchasing it.”
“He kept saying that I am disrespecting him by wearing this outfit in front of other people even though he would be with me the entire night.”
“I finally told him that I do not care about his opinion on my outfit choice and that I would be wearing it anyway.”
“He and I can usually settle and argument pretty quickly but this one has lasted for a few days.”
“I still do not think that he should have any say on what I wear and I still plan to wear the fairy costume however, I fear that I was too outspoken.”
Fellow redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors were largely in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole in this situation.
Redditors were quick to express that the OP’s boyfriend should never have a say in what she’s wearing, on Halloween or any time of year.
“And to respond to some of the n a h comments:”
“There’s a big difference between talking honestly about feeling uncomfortable, and telling your partner they’re ‘disrespecting you’ by choosing to show some skin, or expecting them to ask you permission before deciding how revealing their clothing can be.”
I”t’s ok to be honest if something your partner does makes you uncomfortable, and discuss whether you are able to compromise, or whether you are just incompatible.”
“But it’s not ok to tell your partner that they need to ask your permission and respect your authority on how they should dress.”
“If he has conservative views on clothing, he should find a partner who shares those views instead of trying to discipline op into being a different person.”
“If he feels insecure, he should try to address those insecurities, instead of trying to control OP’s behavior so he can avoid thinking about them.” – Extension_Ad_972
The seemingly possessive nature of the OP’s boyfriend was a major red flag for several redditors, with some not-so-subtly suggesting that the OP should seriously reevaluate their relationship.
“I cannot stress enough that any relationship that makes you feel this way is a terrible one that you should get out of immediately.”
‘Too outspoken’ is an issue reserved for, like, overstepping your authority/qualifications at work.”
“Your boyfriend is not your employer and is not entitled to decide what opinions you’re allowed to have and express.”
“Also your costume sounds adorable.” –nblackhand
“Get away from this guy, STAT.”
“He’s already possessive and if you stay with him it’ll go from controlling your Halloween costume to having you call him on FaceTime to prove you’re where you say you are.”
“You’re not an a-hole. Your boyfriend is manipulative.” – Think_Tomato9154
Some were a little more lenient on the OP’s boyfriend, saying he had his right to share his opinion on her costume.
Though they still sided with the OP, feeling he had a right to an opinion, but didn’t have the right to control what she could and couldn’t wear.
“He is entitled to have an opinion and (as your SO) he is entitled to be able to share his opinion with you.”
“He is NOT entitled to dictate what you wear.”
“You can consider his feelings, but ultimately it’s your choice.”
“It sounds adorable, and if you are confident being seen in the outfit, then wear it!….. And have fun doing it.” – XANDERtheSHEEPDOG
The OP eventually gave an update to redditors, that her boyfriend would not be joining her at the Halloween party.
“Update: he is no longer going to the party due to conflicts with school…”
The OP said that her boyfriend still didn’t approve of her costume, but she expressed regret he wouldn’t be joining her.
“I think now he’s more upset that he can’t go.”
“I wish he could come Bc we’d have a lot of fun together but, he’s really unhappy Bc ‘other people will be looking at at you’, his words. Idk”.
The OP’s update did not sway any redditors opinion that she was not being the a**hole in this situation.
Many felt that her update only emphasized his controlling behavior, which is something they felt the OP should be wary of.
“…he doesn’t trust you?”
“…or he thinks he owns you?”
“Which is it?”
“I’m thinking the second one, considering he thinks you’re disrespecting him, and that you need his permission to dress sexy.”
“I’d be asking him these questions, then telling him he is not my f*kin owner, and if he ever acts like he is again we’re done.”
“Other people ‘looking’ is irrelevant, you choose him, and if he can’t respect that throw the whole boy away.” – Lexia_extreme511
Even without her boyfriend there, it seems safe to say the OP will still have fun at the party with her friends and fellow fairies.
And without her boyfriend’s ominous disapproval, there’s even a chance she will have even more fun going out and about in her homemade fairy costume.