Having a large family can be wonderful.
Many large extended families can be extremely close.
However, not everybody feels the need to have a familial connection with blood relations.
There may not be any vitriol involved, just disinterest.
And that will have to be enough for some people to understand.
Redditor u/True-Plenty-6052 found herself in a dilemma about meeting her extended family, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for not wanting to meet my half-siblings?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I’m a 22-year-old woman, and my mom thinks I’m being unfair by refusing to meet my father’s side of the family."
"Some of my friends agree with her, while others understand my perspective."
"I lost contact with my father when I was two years old."
"His entire side of the family also cut contact with my mom, so I grew up knowing practically nothing about them."
"My father had four sons before meeting my mom, then had my younger sister and me with her."
"Later, he had two more biological sons with another woman."
"Altogether, he has eight biological children."
"My mom raised my sister and me in Puerto Rico with help from our maternal grandparents and aunt."
"When I was seven, we moved to the United States, and we spent our summers in Puerto Rico with our grandparents."
"My mom worked hard as a single mother, and I had a happy childhood. "
"I felt loved and supported, and I never felt like I was missing a family."
"My mom never spoke badly about my father and rarely mentioned him."
"I know very little about him beyond his name and what he looks like."
"I don't know his birthday, his age, or much about his life."
"I don't feel angry toward him, but I don't feel any connection to him, either."
"He's a stranger to me."
"When I turned 18 in 2022, people from his side of the family started sending me Facebook friend requests."
"Some would interact with my posts, ask my mom about my sister and me, and make comments about how it was about time they got to meet us."
"I was surprised by this because they had 18 years to reach out and make an effort to be part of our lives."
"My mom never prevented them from contacting us."
"They knew where we were, and some were even friends with her on Facebook."
"When relatives visited Florida, they were apparently only about an hour away, but nobody reached out."
"I know I don't have their side of the story, and I don't know what they knew or why they never contacted us."
"Still, from my perspective, they had opportunities to try."
"In 2024, my maternal grandfather passed away."
"I was 19, and his death devastated me."
"I fell into a long depression that I'm still dealing with, and I'm currently in therapy and taking medication."
"He was a huge part of the family that raised me and made me feel loved."
"In 2025, my paternal grandmother passed away."
"My mom suggested that I offer condolences, but I felt nothing because I had never known her."
"I even blocked the person who posted her obituary and the people who commented because I assumed they might be relatives from my father's side."
"I know that sounds harsh, but to me, she was a stranger."
"Now, one of my older half-brothers has been asking my mom when he can meet his sisters."
"He's one of the four sons my father had before meeting my mom, and I believe he's around 20 years older than me."
"His son apparently wants to meet his aunts, too."
"I politely declined, but my mom is making me feel guilty."
"She says it's not my brother's fault that we share a deadbeat father."
"And she's right: it's not his fault."
"I don't blame him for our father's choices, and I don't hate him."
"However, I can't help wondering why there wasn't an effort to get to know us when we were children."
"Now that we're adults, I'm suddenly expected to welcome people I barely know into my life."
"My younger sister is open to meeting our father's family, and I fully support her decision."
"I would never stop her from building those relationships."
"We simply feel differently about it."
"My mom and some of my friends say I'm missing out on having more family."
"I understand that meeting them might turn out to be a positive experience, but I don't feel a need to pursue a relationship just because we're related by blood."
"I already have a family: the people who raised me, loved me, and were there for me."
"I don't hate my half-brother or the rest of the family, and I'm not trying to punish them for our father's choices."
"I just don't feel connected to them, and I don't want to build relationships out of guilt or obligation."
"I feel like I should be allowed to decide who I want in my life, even if other people think I should give them a chance."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITA for refusing to meet my half-brother and build a relationship with my father's side of the family, even though my mom thinks I should give them a chance?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"If you don't feel it, you don't feel it."
"You have no obligation to meet, much less develop relationships with them. NTA." ~ calacmack
"NTA. They’ve known who you are all this time."
"They chose not to be a part of your childhood, so they can hardly claim 'family' now that you are an adult." ~ JTBlakeinNYC
"Also, in my opinion, you need more than just a blood relation to be a family."
"I have people in my life that I consider family, despite having no blood relation, because I like having them in my life, and we can depend on each other."
"I'd hardly call those people family." ~ Artshildr
"NTA. Your father made choices in his life and had 8 kids."
"You also get to make choices in your life, and his choices are not yours."
"No one can make you feel guilty unless you allow them to."
"A polite no, thank you is all you need to say."
"No explanations necessary." ~ Wabbittz
"NTA. My own story is almost identical, minus the Puerto Rico part."
"I have zero interest in meeting my half-siblings. It’s not for any dramatic reason; I just don’t feel like my life is missing anything by not knowing them." ~ WildflowerAlice
"NTA OP."
"My maternal family never bothered with us until the day I got home from birthing my firstborn."
"My uncle called me and said, 'Mum wants to know all about her newest grandchild.'"
"I told him she has no grandchild, and he'd best start mourning whoever gave him my number."
"He tried the whole 'but family' bs, and I told him he walked out when I was 7, and his mother walked out when I was barely out of diapers, so don't even try it."
"He said I should have tried harder to reach out."
"I told him he was the adult, but apparently he's still incapable of acting like one, even pushing 50, and I hung up."
He rang my mother and demanded she get me in line; I laughed and said I'm my own person, and you might want to check who's on the other end of the line before running ya mouth, and hung up again."
"He called my mother's landline, and she picked up, said nope, and hung up."
"Some just aren't worth the peace you'd be sacrificing." ~ -Gadaffi-Duck-
"Your boundaries are your boundaries."
"I am an adopted child, so while I haven’t been in this exact situation, I did end up getting connected to bio family because of Ancestry, and I know this is a hard situation to navigate."
"Your feelings are valid. NTA." ~ friendofallthecats
"NAH. Understandably, you don’t feel a connection with these people, and if you’re not interested in exploring a relationship with them, you’re entitled to that."
"However, I want to comment on people reaching out when you turned 18 and not before."
"I have niblings that I’m not in contact with that I may reach out to when they’re adults, but definitely not before then."
"This is because I don’t want them to feel stuck between us and their parents, which is a bigger problem while they’re minors and dependent on their parents."
"I don’t know what went on with the adults in your family, nor do I know how much you know about it, so make your own judgment."
"But be aware that keeping quiet for those years may have had the intent of not making things more difficult for you when you were at a more vulnerable age."
"For kids in contentious family situations, it can be easy to cause them problems without meaning to." ~ Jayn_Newell
"NTA. Sounds like they purposely waited until you were fully grown to bother wanting to know you."
"You now have the choice to ignore their existence as they did yours."
"Wouldn't be surprised if money is a motivator now." ~ Anxious-Routine-5526
"NTA, but as a DNA search angel, people tend to wait until the child is an adult before approaching."
"You don't know what your bio dad told them, and there is worry about upsetting the other parent due to not knowing what led to parental estrangement."
"But the important thing is doing what YOU are comfortable with." ~ muffintop2026
Reddit understands your feelings. OP.
You just don't see meeting these people as something necessary.
You have to do what is best for you.
