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Guy Balks After Terminally-Ill Deadbeat Dad Begs Him To Care For ‘Affair Family’ When He’s Gone

Older guy in the hospital
Abdullah Durmaz/Getty Images

As heartwrenching as it might be, there are always going to be some people who will only look out for themselves.

When they only reappear when they want something, that can be a clear indication, pointed out the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Dapper-Mine-2642’s father walked out of his life when he was five years old in favor of a woman he’d had an affair with.

When his father came back into the picture to provide for his second family, the Original Poster (OP) immediately refused to help.

He asked the sub:

“AITAH for refusing to take care of my deadbeat father’s affair family after he’s gone?”

The OP hadn’t had a relationship with his father since he was five years old.

“My deadbeat father walked out on me, my mom, and my sister when I (21 Male) was five years old.”

“He had a whole affair with this woman, and he wanted to be with her. He had nothing to do with us. He didn’t even come to my sister’s funeral two years later and never went to see her when she was sick in the hospital. He also never paid for a thing and resisted child support like crazy.”

The OP’s paternal grandparents stepped up in a way that his dad never did.

“When it became clear my deadbeat wasn’t going to help at all and had no intention of even paying, his parents, who had a strained relationship with my mother after he left because they wanted her to stay open to taking him back, stepped up and provided for us when we needed it.”

“They also said I would be the one to inherit when they passed. They had it set up from the time I was 10 years old. So my deadbeat gets nothing and the other kids he had with his affair partner get nothing, either.”

“I knew when my deadbeat had other kids. I have never considered them siblings. My sister died when we were just kids, and she will forever be my only real sibling. I grew up having nothing to do with him or his affair family.”

The OP’s dad only tried to reconcile when he became ill.

“Then last year, he reached out to me because he was diagnosed with cancer and wanted to reconcile.”

“I refused to even answer him, but he went to my grandparents, and they told him I wanted nothing to do with him, not even on his deathbed.”

“They hadn’t had a relationship with him in a decade at that point, but when they heard he was sick, they did reply, and part of them hoped it would mean he’d back off of me.”

The OP’s father expected the OP to care for his second family when he died. 

“My deadbeat is now in the know about the inheritance stuff and the fact my grandparents have found a way that they can’t sue for anything. But even though they know about it, they get nothing from the estate. Even if my deadbeat were alive, he’d get nothing, but he will be dead before them.”

“This made him reach out to me, and he begged me to make sure his affair family is okay when he dies. He told me he and his affair partner made bad choices in the past and he wants to be sure the kids will be fine.”

“I ignored him at first, and then he pestered me about it, so I replied that I want nothing to do with his affair family and won’t help ever.”

“He got hysterical via text and DM about this and told me his family is innocent and I should try to know them and help if they ever need it.”

“AITAH?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that his biological father didn’t deserve the favor. 

“It’s funny how his family is ‘innocent,’ and yet he walked out on three innocent people, and when his daughter, a child, was dying, he didn’t give a s**t. He also didn’t pay child support for his innocent children because it was his duty as a father.”

“Now he’s trying to fight for his affair children to be provided for? No way. NTA.” – silkonat

“I want to point out that the money he’s mad about is inheritance money. Not money the deadbeat dad earned himself. So he’s being awfully entitled about money that was never going to be his.” – Schlemiel_Schlemazel

“NTA. He spent your whole life ignoring you and now expects you to clean up his mistakes. You owe him nothing, and it’s not your responsibility to fix the consequences of his actions.” – Informalarrival678

“Oh my god, NTA. Like, seriously, this guy has some nerve. He ditches you guys, doesn’t even acknowledge your sister’s passing, and then pops back up when he’s dying and expects you to care for the family he created after abandoning yours?”

“That’s insane. He made his bed, and now he can lie in it, along with his affair family. You owe them absolutely nothing.” – Bloomcovee

“People freak out on their deathbed. if most people had those realizations all along, the world would be a better place.”

“He still doesn’t care about OP. He wants the money OP has to take care of his other family. He probably hasn’t saved or provided in any way for them.” – furandpaws

“OP. You know you are not wrong and you are NTA, but I get that you want assurance. I am 100% certain that everyone here will tell you that you are not the AH and are not obligated to take care of your father’s other family, especially when he never took care of you or your sister, who did get sick and passed away.”

“You do not have to make up to his current family for him being a s**tty, s**tty human being. No. His own parents don’t speak to him. He is a loser who made his choices, now his family gets to live with them. That’s how it goes. Karma.”

“Keep saying no. You owe him literally nothing. Block him so he can’t keep contacting you and move on, again, with your life. Hugs!” – BecGeoMom

“There’s no greater source of audacity, entitlement, and hypocrisy than cheaters and deadbeat parents…” – Doc-Eldritch

Others pointed out the OP was treating the affair family no differently than his dad had treated his first. 

“Just say, ‘I’ll provide them the same care you gave to your firstborn daughter as she died in hospital. The same involvement you had with her funeral will be shared back to your new family from me.'”

“Send, block, and forget he ever existed at all.”

“NTA.” – BulbasaurRanch

“Oh, but he’s changed! He sees the error of his ways! He wants OP to know he’s a better person now!! Because, you know… FAAAAAMMMILLLYYYY!”

“Ugh. Don’t ever do a thing for that family. He never did and never would do anything for yours.” – 2_old_for_this_s**t

“He walked away from you for his new family. He didn’t even care when his daughter was sick and died. He refused to pay child support. His second wife can get a job. If her kids are minors, they can get SSI. You owe him nothing. NTA.” – danicappsfan

“NTA. Your father abandoned you and your family, showing no remorse. His sudden concern for his affair family is manipulative, especially after ignoring your sister’s death.”

“You have no obligation to support people who played no part in your life, and your inheritance is rightfully yours. His plea is self-serving, not genuine. His actions speak louder than his words.” – FuzzyDewdropWish

“NTA. Tell him with all the child support he didn’t pay, they’ll be fine.” – girlwithdog_79

“I guess he doesn’t realize that he is shoving his preference for his affair family right down OP’s throat. I guess rather than worrying about his inheritance; he should have used some of the child support money he never paid to get himself a life insurance policy so his family would be taken care of if/when he died. Too late now, but it is not OP’s problem.” – CommunicationGlad299

“The affair family got OP’s father in the divorce along with his salary, the child care money, and his love and affection.”

“OP got the grandparents (and their money). Even Steven. No takebacks.” – Major_Emphasis_6415

The subReddit was completely disgusted by how the OP’s father had abandoned his entire first family in favor of a new one created from an affair with no thought given even to child support.

But when the OP’s sister passed away as a child, and his father gave her not a passing thought, that sealed the deal for the OP that he owed his father nothing. His father only wanting something when he was similarly ill only served to be ironic.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.