Everyone parents differently, and one of the decisions they ultimately have to make is how responsible or dependent they expect their children to be.
Some parents adamantly say that kids are kids and should be treated that way, but others believe in giving their kids increased autonomy while enjoying their childhood in other ways.
One couple shared the responsibilities they expect of their children on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor chasewhit2003 also pointed out some of the criticism they and their wife had received for their choices.
So much so, the Original Poster (OP), frankly, wondered if they were parenting wrong.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for having my children do their laundry?"
The OP and their wife made a decision together about how to introduce chores to their kids.
"My wife and I have 4 kids. Ages 6, 8, 10, and 12."
"When they each turned 5 years old, we taught them how to fold and put away their own laundry."
"My wife or I operate the machines, but the kids assist in moving the washed clothes to the dryer."
"When done, they put the clothes into a basket, fold them in the living room, and put them away."
"We believe that it teaches them a skill early in life, helps them appreciate honest work, and frees my wife and I from doing 8-10 loads of laundry a week that just get dumped in the floor."
But not everyone agreed with the couple's choices.
"When our friends and family found out, they looked at us like we murdered our children."
"'They're just babies, they shouldn't have to do that,' they said."
"We've never passed judgment on anyone for the way they raise their kids, and don't understand all the hate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the couple was doing their children a favor.
"My mom viewed laundry as her domain, and would not allow me to touch the machines while complaining about doing all of my laundry. Also wasn't allowed to touch the snowblower or any yard work tools."
"You will be shocked that when I went to college I had no capabilities at all. I feel like I am still dumb when it comes to cleaning and household maintenance many years after." - callingallwaves
"To add to this; my relatives never taught me how to do things like washing clothes or dishes. I asked repeatedly, but they couldn't be bothered and felt that my school should be teaching me this stuff."
"I had to learn from the internet, and of course there's always going to be mixed information online. I only know the basics, and I really wish they had taken the time to teach me. I literally only just found out that you can clear a drain with a solution of baking soda and vinegar, instead of spending £100 getting someone out to do it."
"Teaching your kids how to do laundry is an absolute blessing to them. They might complain from time to time - heck plenty of adults still complain about chores - but they'll be thankful when they're an adult and know how to function effectively within their own household." - StifferThanAB***r
"For real, when I started college the first few months so many people (mostly guys) asked questions about doing laundry (i.e. settings and soap amount). I was flabbergasted, and if I were in their shoes, be embarrassed beyond belief."
"I would iron/fold my own clothes at like 7ish, and have been doing laundry (like 100% using machine, etc) fully since I was in 6th grade. The last time my mom washed anything for me was a towel like a year ago, because she was doing a mass towel day and just grab them all from the bathrooms lol."
"OP, thank you for teaching your children to be productive members of society." - GrandTheftBae
Others shared their own chore assignments.
"I must be a terrible mom. I had my almost 2-year-old putting my socks and underwear in a basket for me last night while we were putting away clean laundry."
"Don't get me started on how cruel it must be for my 10-year-old to have to vacuum daily… and the fact my 5-year-old has to put the toys away at night. I must be oh so terrible!"
"Kids need to learn these things. No, it's not their 'job' to maintain the house, but they should be able to assist in light household duties. They don't have to do it perfectly, they just need to try." - thatkob***h
"I started my kids at 4 by teaching them slowly how to fold. By 5 they were doing it by themselves neatly and they learned to put it away neatly so it wouldn't undo their hard work."
"Heck, both kids would insist on helping by moving stuff from the washer to the dryer (always supervised) and genuinely proud of being a 'big kid' that helps mommy."
"Definitely NTA. It's great to teach them a necessary life skill plus gives them a small sense of pride of ownership and appreciate being self-sufficient. Unless OP is whipping them like circus animals, the judgemental people can put a sock in it! (Lol couldn't resist the laundry joke)" - OwlHeart93
"My almost three-year-old has been putting her laundry in the hamper and helping me switch from washer to dryer since she was about a year and a half. She loves it and it gives her a sense of responsibility."
"I also have her set up her place at the table and clear it after dinner. She helps clean up toys when she is in the mood and plays with the dishes in the sink when I'm washing dishes. She even has her own sponge that she rubs on the dirty dishes."
"Kids like to learn. Mine gets lots of praise for doing her tasks and helping, even if it is a hindrance at times."
"OP is NTA." - mimisiku_
A few didn't criticize the couple, but they wondered if 5 years old was too young.
"You seem like a good parent."
"While I would say 5 is a bit young for laundry, as long as you at least, like, supervise for a while or make sure any and all dangerous chemicals are out of reach, it should be fine." - D**n_Crow
"NTA"
"I think that 5yos might be a little on the young side for folding/putting away. We started at age 7 for that, then at age 12, my kid was required to take over all responsibility for his own laundry."
"But if you've gotten 5yos to fold and put away well enough for your standards, I will say that I am impressed."
"And you're doing good here." - PurpleMarsAlien
Though the couple received criticism from their friends and family, the subReddit was overwhelmingly there to support the OP's parenting choices. By teaching their children young, the couple was preparing their children for their future responsibilities.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.