Most of us have been in some kind of registry situation where we made a list of gifts for our loved ones to choose from.
Despite how much some people request one of these lists, many people ironically deviate from it.
This can cause some serious issues, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Character-Concern-24 received several questionable gifts that she wasn’t sure what to do with after the fact.
When she received pushback for her plans, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being ungrateful somehow.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for donating passive-aggressive bridal shower gifts?”
The OP recently shared her plans for her name after getting married.
“My fiancé and I are getting married this year, and I am not changing my name. We weren’t going to register because we already live together and have stuff. However, my in-laws wanted to throw me a shower and my future MIL (mother-in-law) asked me to create a registry.”
“My in-laws know I’m not changing my name because it came up at a family gathering recently.”
“There was an ‘Are you excited to be a ‘Jones’ soon?’, and I said I wasn’t changing my name, but that I was excited to be a part of their family.”
“My in-laws are pretty conservative and they didn’t seem very pleased by my decision.”
The OP was surprised at some of the gifts she received at the bridal shower.
“At the shower, I got some gifts off the registry, but I also got quite a few items with stuff like ‘Jones Est. 2021’ and our ‘new’ monogram using the letter J.”
“Stuff like a big wall clock, serving tray, etc.”
“This stuff is not really our taste in general and also we will be the Smith-Jones Family, not the Jones Family.”
“I smiled and thanked everyone regardless of the type of gift.”
“My husband and I are planning to donate the non-registry items because of the reasons listed above, plus we don’t have a lot of extra space in our home.”
“I’ll write nice thank-yous and won’t tell anyone we donated the gifts though.”
The OP’s mother-in-law encouraged the gifts.
“My MIL came over today and while we were talking about the shower, she asked where we were going to hang the wall clock. I was honest and said we were going to donate it.”
“She kept pressing for a reason why, so I gave the reasons.”
“My MIL said it would be really rude to donate people’s gifts and at a minimum, we needed to keep them and bring them out when those family members visit.”
“She thinks that’s not a big ask, but I think that’s kind of exhausting and I never look around someone’s house to see if they’re using my gift!”
“Plus, at best, the gifts are a misunderstanding that we won’t be the Jones Family, but more realistically, I think the gifts are passive-aggressive because my in-laws don’t approve of me keeping my name.”
“AITA if I donate these gifts?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the gifts belonged to the OP for her to do what she wished.
“NTA. They’re your gifts now, what you do with them is no one’s business but yours and your husband’s. Besides, the passive aggressive ones just go to show they have no respect for your decision.” – Teacup_Cult
“NTA. They really backed you into a corner, though.”
“If you donate them, they can say you’re the one who gave away personalized gifts like they were cheap trash, and keeping the gifts supports their agenda and gives them more ammunition to use against you in the future.”
“Donation is a good idea. At least SOMEONE might be able to enjoy them.” – SolitaryTeaParty
“NTA. You’re being logical, kind, and graceful in a situation many people wouldn’t even bother trying to keep appearances. Of course, these were passive-aggressive, and perhaps MIL wants them out so she can giggle over them with those people or so she can play pretend- who knows. You’re doing great, and congrats.” – kitonoire
“Keep the clock but have it altered with the letters S and J for Smith-Jones. Regift it to MIL for Christmas and say ‘I thought you could use this. I know how much you loved this clock, and how hard it is for you to remember our names.'” – Business-House-8232
A few shared hilarious gift stories.
“When my sister, last name Smith, married a Jones, my aunt had a ‘Smithjonesian Institute Established 1982’ (or whenever it was) plaque made. They divorced, but it was a good plaque.”
“I’d forgotten about that and figured this was a good place to share. NTA, of course.” – gornzilla
“NTA. This made me laugh.”
“When I got married, one of my spouse’s aunts gave us a painting. That she painted. It was the ugliest piece of art I’ve ever seen. And it was huge, 6 ft x 4 ft.”
“I wasn’t too bothered. I figured I’d just stick it in a closet until I found someone who wanted the canvas. It was a nice size and could be painted over.”
“I have to mention that we bought our new house as a fixer-upper. It had considerable water damage from standing empty and frozen pipes. So it didn’t bother us that all the carpet and paint was pastel pink or baby blue or mint green. The deal with the house included a hefty budget for repairs and replacements.”
“When the aunt presented us with her ‘gift’, she let me know that she made it specifically to hang in the dining room and chose colors to match–baby blue and pink and green. AND she wanted pictures of it hanging so she could be sure it was ‘right’.”
“My husband didn’t want to upset his aunt and insisted that we keep the painting.”
“So for years, every time his aunt came to visit, he would drag that painting out of the attic, clean it off, and hang it in the dining room.” – rusty0123
Whether they weren’t meant as a nice or passive-aggressive gesture, it’s clear the OP did not enjoy some of the gifts she received. The subReddit was quick to agree that, whether she donated the gifts or did something else entirely, they were now hers to do with what she wanted.