When a new baby is born in the family, everyone wants to see the new bundle of joy. And it can be difficult for some new parents to not share the cute little face.
However, redditor Friendly-Still6054 is very purposefully going with a different approach. The original poster (OP) doesn’t want to invade her daughter’s privacy too much and has restricted her friends and family from sharing photos of the baby online.
This doesn’t sit right with OP’s mother-in-law, who is feuding with the new mother. OP is adamant that she protect her child’s privacy at all costs, but wonders if she’s being too stubborn.
To figure that out, OP asks the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about her situation.
“AITA for refusing to send my MIL anymore photos of her grandchild because she refuses to abide by my rules about pics on FB?”
What exactly has been going on between OP and her MIL?
“I(30-F[emale]) had my daughter 3 months ago. My husband and I decided before she was born that we weren’t going to post pictures of her on our social media’s and we asked our extended family to abide by this as well.”
“Because our daughter is so young(and there is a pandemonium going on rn) neither mine or my husbands family have gotten to meet our daughter in person. There have been facetime calls with them, and pretty soon they should be able to meet her in person, but for now it’s just been pictures.”
“Because we have so many family members who wanted photos I made a private album on FB to allow them to see the pictures whenever they want, but I reminded everyone that again we didn’t want photos posted online. Everyone seemed to respect that until one day I found my MIL had posted the pics from the album on her timeline.”
“I messaged her and asked her to take them down, but she said no because she wanted to be able to share the pictures with her friends and it was ‘insane’ of me to completely restrict sharing any photos online.”
“I told her I would be happy to get the photos physically made for her, but that it’s very important to us to maintain our daughters privacy. I understand people post pics of their kids all the time, but personally people aren’t entitled of photos of my child just like they aren’t entitled to know anything else about my life.”
“I choose what to share and I also want to respect my daughters right to a private life. When she is older she will be free to make her own choice on the subject, and of course we are still going to take plenty of photos of her, but they will remain private for us and our family.”
“Because my MIL refused to take down the photos I have since taken down the album entirely because even though I restricted her access she was still getting photos from other family members who had access and continuing to post them.”
“My husband has been in contact with his parents telling them to stop, but they still feel they have a right to do it, and other family members on his side have said we are blowing this way out of proportion. I have stopped sending photos to my MIL and FIL even when requested privately now because I don’t trust them not to post them.”
“I just don’t understand what is so hard about respecting our wants as her parents.”
OP feels her boundaries around her daughter’s privacy are within reason, while the MIL just wants to share pictures of her new granddaughter with friends and family. Who is right and whose opinions overwrite whose?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for taking away her MIL’s access to baby pictures by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
In the end, OP is the child’s mother, and she is doing her best to protect the baby. While the MIL can’t understand it, it doesn’t matter.
OP has been very clear about what the MIL has to do to gain access to see her grandchild again, and it’s honestly not a lot.
It was clear from the beginning that OP was NTA.
“Your husband needs to handle his mother.”
“I am a grandmother, too, and would never share pictures of my grandchild online if her parents said not to, because that is the easy thing to do.”
“NTA” – curly_lox
“He is trying, but it is both his mother and father who are being difficult. Thank you, I really wish they would listen to us.” – Friendly-Still6054 (OP)
“Sounds like they shouldn’t get photos, FaceTime, or information about the baby until they are respectful of your rules. They could easily screenshot during a call and share.”
“They need to be on a baby info diet. They don’t have to like your rules but they damn sure better follow them.” – SamiGurl7
“NTA, I’m sure they’re giving you every ‘it’s our grand baby’ excuse available but it’s a reasonable request that they’re refusing to adhere to.” – TeaSmooth7715
“NTA AND THIS MAKES ME SO MAD. Congrats on your sweet babe, btw!”
“We also have a new 4-month-old and have the same social media rules. If she grows up and decides she wants to be an ass model on Instagram, I guess I’d deal with it, but until she’s old enough and can consent, I don’t want her face all over social media.”
“Not to mention that a lot of boomers are so reckless on freaking Facebook, so it was a hard no for me with my parents and in laws. They all got on board, a little fuss, but we didn’t give a shit.” – fairetheewell
“Ah congrats to you too! And exactly haha, I don’t care what she does later on in life but as long as she makes the decision for herself.” – Friendly-Still6054 (OP)
“NTA. I’d also report the post to FB and tell them that it is a photo of your child that the individual does not have a right to post and they need to remove her posts containing any pictures of your child. Provide them links.”
“Their entitlement is disgusting. She is not respecting your right to parent your baby in the way you wish and if not stopped in her tracks now will run over you in other areas regarding your child as the baby grows.”
“Talk to your husband and make sure he shuts this behavior down now so they understand that any disregard of your parenting wishes will never be tolerated. Their grandparent right do not in any way overrule your rights as your child’s parents.” – Copper__Phoenix
There is another concern that the MIL doesn’t understand why it can be so dangerous for people to share that kind of information online. Social media has been a part of our lives for a lot longer than people realize and people who grew up with their information shared from an early age aren’t always happy.
Maybe the MIL should look at it from that perspective.
“NTA. My ex wife used to overshare every moment of our lives on FB, and my step-daughter was absolutely furious that her life was made public for absolute strangers. Even as a preteen, she would beg her mom not to share her photos online, and her mom would completely dismiss her concerns.”
“It invalidated her feelings, betrayed her privacy, and to this day she has very little trust in her mom to be private and discreet.”
“In your situation, not respecting the privacy of a 4 month old (and YOUR request as a parent) is no different than betraying the trust of a 14 or 40 year old. These small deed say big things about a persons (lack of) character.”
“As much as it sucks, stop sharing photos altogether. When one person doesn’t play as part of the team, everyone loses.” – geedunkgeek
“A lot of kids whose mom’s were mommy bloggers and such are quite public about feeling similarly. As post-social-media kids get older, I predict we’re going to start seeing a lot more of that anger.” – forgedimagination
“I just want to affirm that you are not being ‘insane’ for making this decision. I’m in my 30s, so social media as we know it was a development of my teen and college years if my entire life had been cataloged by my entire family …. oof.”
“The invasion of privacy there would be horrible. I’m so glad my early internet foibles were anonymous and not permanently attached to profiles every surveillance agency, employer, and data scraper can find.”
“I use the app Tinybeans. It’s invitation only, and I knew who I could trust to invite.”
“Children have the right to curate their own digital lives and profiles. You are 100% doing the right thing in respecting that.” – forgedimagination
The whole situation is a great example of setting boundaries and sticking to them.