Some people feel dogs are very special.
They are often regarded as a part of the family.
When they get older, sometimes accidents happen.
Incontinence can be very common.
Nobody enjoys constantly having to clean up after a doggie mess.
Redditor RudeDistribution5758 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to put my dog down?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My dog is 17 years old, and I have had him since he was a puppy and my entire adult life.”
“He is a little chihuahua Pomeranian mix and a very sweet and gentle soul.”
“He is very healthy, especially for a dog his age, and, although you can clearly see he’s an old man, he has only shown signs of aging through partial loss of vision and hearing.”
“He has been impressively housebroken for the duration of his life up until recently.”
“He gets up out of his bed and just seems to go wherever he feels like it.”
“When my husband and I are away, even for short durations, he is almost guaranteed to have an accident.”
“He is still very mobile and verbal with a healthy appetite and joyful attitude.”
“But now he just doesn’t care to wait when he has to ‘go.'”
“I work from home and I am able to take him outside frequently, which helps, but he has no shame in lifting a leg right in front of me if I’m in a meeting.”
“I have recently ordered doggy diapers, which have yet to arrive, but this morning my husband suggested it’s time to put him down.”
“With an otherwise very healthy dog and lifelong companion, I was appalled and very defensive that he would even suggest such a thing.”
“I had this dog long before I met my husband, and he and I don’t share the same opinion on putting him down.”
“My husband responded by saying, ‘It’s what people do at this stage and it’s the mature thing to do.'”
“I know he’s tired of the accidents, but my dog still has a very good quality of life with no underlying health issues.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for snapping and refusing to put him down?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Tell him you’ll remember that when you guys are getting older and incontinent rears its ugly head, because it’s incredibly common.”
“Well, he still feels like it’s time for you to die when you have to start wearing liners in your undies or he has to start wearing disposable briefs to bed?” ~ Khajiit_Has_Upvotes
“OP, I have a dog with prostate and kidney issues.”
“We are in the same boat.”
“He keeps peeing everywhere, and it’s not his fault.”
“It’s easy to get frustrated, but diapers work.”
“Make sure you get the correct gender diapers though (we made that mistake, oops).”
“Your husband may one day become incontinent as well as he ages, too, and have some grace.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ urtypicalscorpio
“NTA. I had a dog live quite happily and healthily for 3 years in doggie diapers.”
“We got nice soft reusable ones from Chewy and she loved them.” ~ Mist2393
“As a fellow pomchi owner, NTA!”
“If the vet says he’s mostly healthy, there’s no way in hell I’d put him down.”
“It’s another story if they’re truly suffering.”
“I’m sorry your guy is getting up in years.”
“It’s rough.” ~ kristtt67
“NTA. If the dog is otherwise healthy, it doesn’t make sense to put the dog down.”
“The bladder issues aren’t so much that he ‘just doesn’t care to wait,’ but more so that he can’t wait.”
“Old dogs lose control of their bladder and bowel movements.”
“It even happens to old people.”
“Getting diapers is the way to go.”
“They helped my pup (and my sanity) in the last couple of years of her life.” ~ Spare-Shirt24
“I love doggie diapers.”
“Got a pup that marked a lot, and she stopped because we put her in basically washable pants with fun patterns or ruffles.”
“When we forgot to diaper her, she also stopped having accidents, mostly.” ~ Unusual-Relief52
“NTA, but with some caveats.”
“When dogs start having vision/hearing issues, they can sometimes have a lot of other problems you don’t know about, especially with fear/anxiety.”
“They can no longer see/hear danger, so they may perceive danger where there isn’t any, and might be unnecessarily afraid, and really suffering from that anxiety.”
“Physically, they might be ‘fine,’ but emotionally, they are not.”
“And when you add the accidents in, that adds to it.”
“As a housebroken dog, he knows that he’s not supposed to do that.”
“So, when he does do it, he might feel fear and confusion, whatever version of ‘shame’ a dog can feel, etc.”
“Conversely, he might be doing it on purpose – because doing it in the house is safer than doing it outside.”
“Outside, since he can no longer see/hear danger, he might be afraid to do his business – it’s a vulnerable position to be in.”
“He might physically be in great health for a 17-year-old dog.”
“But his physical organs aren’t the only thing to consider.”
“Just because he CAN continue to live doesn’t always mean that he should.”
“You’re still NTA, but I do ask that you think about his entire quality of life, not just whether his body is technically still kicking.” ~ Money-Possibility606
“This is such a good answer!”
“It can be incredibly difficult to make the choice to put down a family member you’ve had in your life for so long.”
“But looking at the overall quality of life is extremely important when making this call.”
“The only positive here is that OP says the dog has a good appetite and is generally happy.”
“I will vote NAH, though.”
“I don’t think her husband is an AH for wanting to have this discussion with her due to so many of the factors listed.”
“Dealing with a blind, deaf dog that is peeing and pooping in the house is not something a lot of people would want to deal with.”
“I hope the doggy diapers help, but I also hope OP comes to terms with the fact that she may need to revisit this topic sooner rather than later.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“NAH. At this stage in life, it’s reasonable for this kind of conversation to start.”
“Take your dog to the vet; see what your vet says.”
“Depending on that information, see how the dog diapers/any medication works.”
“I am a huge dog lover myself, but when frequent accidents start happening, and you have to either confine a dog to a small part of the house, or have your house have dog pee/poop accident all over, the quality of life does diminish.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“A dog’s aging is very, very hard to handle (I say as someone getting up at 4 am every day with my 14-year-old basset hound).” ~ makethatnoise
“NAH. He’s your little pal, and if the vet deems him in good health, then diapers can be a good idea.”
“But your husband probably doesn’t love how his house smells (it smells, I’m sorry to tell you) and the extra cleaning.”
“Don’t dismiss your husband’s feelings.” ~ Background-Interview
“I’m not going to rule NTA or YTA, but I just want you to realize your dog’s quality of life is completely based on your perception.”
“Yeah, he’s ‘healthy,’ but he’s certainly not living the life a dog is supposed to live.”
“Just keep that in mind for whatever decision you make.” ~ Sugandis_Juice
“My Pomeranian did quite well for a few years using diapers.”
“It wasn’t all that much work (he only used them for tinkle. He still went out for poop).”
“I finally made the final decision when he was no longer interested in eating or in the treats that his pills came in.”
“I knew it was time then.”
“But, before that, he had quite a few years left after becoming semi-incontinent.”
“I would use the diapers.” ~ Fun_Claim_2028
“NAH, but you’re definitely downplaying some pretty clear signs that the dog’s quality of life is declining.”
“It’s fine not to be ready.”
“Really, you’re never READY.”
“But he’s right to bring it up, and he’s also right that it sounds like the time is starting to approach.”
“Would tomorrow be early, given what you’ve described? Probably.”
“But there’s no way your husband brought it up thinking you guys were just going to hop in the car and head to the vet that day.”
“It’s a thing for you to start thinking about and considering what signs WOULD lead you to that point.” ~ Thisismyworkday
“I’m going with NAH.”
“Being incontinent is not fun, but if he doesn’t seem bothered, then his quality of life is still good enough to try the diapers.”
“That’s what I would do.”
“But incontinence is usually a sign of something else wrong, so be advised that his health may take a turn soon.”
“The strategy with putting animals down is to try to find that sweet spot where you don’t wait too long and let them suffer, but you also don’t do it needlessly too early.”
“So your husband is probably thinking that now is the time to say goodbye to prevent suffering.”
“Or at least I hope he is.”
“If he’s just annoyed with the poop, then he’s an a**hole.” ~ the_elephant_stan
“NTA. I lost my dog in April.”
“She couldn’t hold it most days.”
“But it was the second time she fell over for no reason that I decided I was being selfish.”
“Well, said goodbye that night.” ~ DoublecursedAngel
Reddit is with you 100%, OP.
Your husband is out of line.
Yes, this is a stressful situation, but it can be manageable.
If your fur baby still has life left to live, he should get to live it.
Good Luck.