We all know how expensive weddings can be, especially during a time when the pandemic caused many people to be furloughed or lose their jobs completely.
But couples who still want to make their weddings happen are making the effort to work hard and save money.
Redditor oogbach411 and their fiancé are such a couple who is taking on additional jobs in order to pay for their delayed wedding.
However, their cousin – who recently got engaged – is going about financing for her wedding differently.
The Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit after causing drama and asked:
“AITA for saying no to donating money to my cousins wedding?”
The OP explained:
“My fiancé and I have been working odd jobs along with regular jobs to finance our wedding. Our wedding was set for this year but we moved it to next year because of [the virus] (we weren’t expecting things to get better and didn’t want family to buy flights only to have it cancelled).”
“My cousin got engaged with her fiancé towards the end of last year and then set their wedding to the day before ours (that’s a whole other story).”
“My cousin then called up all family members including my parents and myself to give her ‘around $500, but more if we can afford it’ to help them finance their wedding.”
“I told her no because my fiancé and I are saving up as much as we can for our wedding next year (I wanted to say because I didn’t want to ask family members to help pay for our wedding unless they offered but didn’t want to insult her since I realized that’s what she was doing at the moment, so I left that part out, but that’s why I didn’t end up donating).”
“She then sounded angry and said it was fine but has been telling family members about it and saying that we are being stingy especially since our wedding is not this year anymore. My parents did agree to send $500 on their part though, so it’s just my fiancé and I who said no.”
AITA for saying no? I don’t feel like I am, but I’ve gotten mixed answers from family and friends.
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors joined the OP in scoffing over their cousin’s reaction to being denied a donation.
“What kind of selfish entitled whiner even does something like that? Anyone who can’t afford to pay for their own damn wedding shouldn’t be having a wedding.”
“You’re NTA and everyone who actually gives them money is an idiot.” – I_exist_damn_you
“Lemme guess: She still expacts gifts from the guests and of cause they need to pay for their hotelrooms by themselfs?”
“Big fat NTA.” – Deferon-VS
“NTA! It’s clear that she can’t afford to actually get married just now so she should really hold off and save money herself!”
“I think it’s rude that she’s asking family members to pay $500.” – NimyLS
“NTA. Never understood why people plan on a wedding first, then expect others to pay for it.”
“That always felt wrong because it’s like ‘Hey you’re invited, but the entrance fee is X and more if you can pay it. Thanks!'”
“Sure money as a gift happens from family members for the wedding, but such things are not expected or asked for because it’s a gift.” – ChewMyFudge
“The person begging for money because they can’t budget really called you stingy? Wow.”
“Weddings are on the couple or a parent to pay, not a group finance effort. If she can’t afford her wedding then she shouldn’t have it or should downsize it but it’s certainly not your job to finance it for her.”
“NTA.” – kalkiki
“That’s preposterous. They are low level beggars, how dare they ask for 500 bucks for a wedding… That’s a new low.”
“You’re completely NTA, you save up to pay for yours instead of asking relatives. That’s the mature thing to do.”
“Weddings are quite unnecessary, I’ll understand money for hospital bills, avoiding homelessness or for a kid’s special needs amongst other things.” – sangfoudre
The OP was given options for payback.
“Ask for a $500 donation to your future wedding fund = cancel each other out 🙂 Be sure to thank them.” – Anseranas
“Or say your asking for $750 for your wedding, so she owes you $250. Turntables and head explosion.” – Genius-Smart
“Honestly, the best revenge wouldn’t be to subject the rest of the family to a repeat performance, since OP’s making them sound not like accomplices, but like fellow victims. Instead, OP could defend herself:”
“It has come to our attention that cousin has unfortunately been telling everyone that we have declined what we were told was an optional request to help pay for their wedding. That is our choice, but since we’ve been put in a position to defend it, a few things:”
“(1) We’re saving up for a wedding of our own, one we don’t feel comfortable soliciting others to pay for. (2) Our wedding was planned first, but cousin didn’t volunteer to help pay for it, so naturally we’re surprised that we were expected to help pay for hers. (3) Every article we can find on the subject emphasizes how tacky it is to ask for non-parent guests to pay for weddings.”
“Then just Google something like, ‘relative ask pay for wedding’ and go from there.”
“If OP wants revenge.” – mbbaer
“I like it.”
“My dad’s translation: ‘If ya’ll know damn well you can’t afford a wedding then why the hell are you having a wedding? Get your down to city hall, say I Do*, and come on home before you catch the Rona.'” – talktomuch75
The OP later clarified in the thread what is considered customary in this situation.
“Wedding gifts weren’t discussed or anything but it’s customary for us to bring a wedding gift (something for their house etc) when we attend so I believe wedding gifts are still required but I am not sure.”
“Where we are from it’s customary for family members to volunteer and offer to pay for a specific item or thing needed for the wedding if they are able (chairs, or utensils, etc), but calling to request a specific amount isn’t part of our culture, so we didn’t know how to handle it as this is the first time it’s happened.”
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole for refusing to contribute to their cousin’s wedding fund.