Maintaining contact with an ex-partner after breaking up is a challenging dynamic to say the least.
Some relationships end so acrimoniously that remaining in any sort of contact with them isn’t possible.
Unfortunately, sometimes reconnecting with an ex we’d much rather never see or hear from again is just unavoidable.
Even though everyone has the right to set boundaries as to how much contact they can have.
Redditor inomniaparatusx had an unfortunate breakup with a former partner.
One that sadly coincided with a personal tragedy for the original poster (OP).
When the OP unexpectedly heard from her ex, requesting something of her, she had zero interest in obliging him.
After her ex “flipped out” from hearing her response, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not allowing my ex to see sonogram photos of his child?”
The OP explained why she had no intention of sharing some precious photos with her ex:
“I (32 F[emale]) dated my ex (33 M[ale]) for two years.”
“During that time, our relationship was very difficult.”
“One weekend, he was mad at me because he thought that a man was trying to flirt with me when we were at a store.”
“So he refused to speak to me the entire weekend.”
“We did not live together full-time.”
“That Saturday, I found out I was expecting but also losing said expectation at the same time.”
“I tried to call him from the hospital, and he ignored my call, so my best friend called him, and he did answer for her.”
“She told him what was going on.”
“She lives out of state.”
“He didn’t reach out to me or come to the hospital.”
“I did not hear from him until the following Tuesday.”
“Needless to say, I never got over that, and we broke up shortly thereafter.”
“He never apologized and said the ‘problem took care of itself’.”
“Now, a year later, he reached out and wants to see the sonogram photos and talk to me about what happened at the hospital.”
“I declined and told him that due to his actions that weekend, he did not deserve any further information or to see the photos.”
“He flipped out and called me every name in the book.”
“So I must ask y’all.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her ex see the sonogram picture of his child.
Everyone agreed that the past behavior of the OP’s ex made it abundantly clear that he should not be part of her life in any way, and the OP should make sure this remains the case:
“NTA.”
“He’s right about one thing.”
“The problem solved itself.”
“Through his cruel and selfish actions, you will never have to deal with him again.”
“Him.”
“He’s ‘the problem’, not your lost child.”
“I wish you every happiness for the future, and I am so sorry for your loss.”
“Don’t share that picture with him.”
“He can go and boil his head.”- Panaccolade
“NTA.”
“He is just using this as an excuse to get back in your life.”
“Ignore him and block him.”
“You don’t owe him anything.”- Lighthouse_on_Mars
“NTA.”
“‘The problem took care of itself’ Is all I needed to hear to be honest.”
“Anyone saying anything other than complete zero contact does not care about your well-being tbh.”- Fine-Assignment4342
“NTA.”
“He didn’t care about you or the baby then, and he’s only asking now to get back into your life or use those photos to gain sympathy from someone else over ‘how difficult it was for him to lose his child’.”- MissionYam3
“NTA.”
“You’re not the ah, but I wouldn’t accept any more communication from him.”
“Just block him.”- Catherine16783
“NTA.”
“He failed to offer you the barest minimum of support when you needed it most.”
“I don’t know why he suddenly wants some sort of closure, but you owe him nothing.”-Appalachianwitch17
“NTA.”
“He’s using the sonogram as a way to try to lure you back in.”
“He’s not safe.”
“Block him.”- Reasonable-Bad-769
“NTA.”
That is YOUR private medical information and is absolutely none of his business.”
“Block and ignore, do not welcome trouble back into your home.”- MixWitch
“NTA, I am sorry for your loss.”
“He deserves nothing from you.”- nervousandweird
“NTA.”
“Just block him everywhere and leave him on read anywhere he does get a message through.”
“He’s not worth any more of your time, even to say no.”- Suitable_cataclysm
“I hope he used a fake number because that is the only way his blocked a**hole should have been able to reach you.”
“NTA.”- jensmith20055002
“NTA.”
“He’s not entitled to your medical information.”- dataslinger
“Of course you’re NTA.”
“He didn’t care then, why ask now?”
“There’s a reason, a very good reason, why he’s an ex.”
“Block his number and live your best life.”- quasi2022
“NTA you owe him nothing.”
“Block him.”- Theodora1976
“NTA.”
“I don’t know why you answered.”
“Block him. If he wanted pictures, he should have been there to get them if he was so concerned.”
“Or was he worried there were men working at the hospital and that they were flirting with you during a horrific medical event?”- bibilime
“NTA.”
“A YEAR later, he’s decided he’s ready to deal with it and thinks it’s acceptable to bring up what YOU went through alone.”- stefaniey
“NTA.”
“Tell him to go piss up a rope.”- Cal-Augustus
“NTA.”
“Block him everywhere, never to be heard from again.”- TheNerveOfMommy
“NTA.”
“He doesn’t deserve to know anything.”
“He wasn’t there then, he doesn’t get the right for information now.”- Spirited-Ad6144
“NTA.”
“But he sure is.”
“Looking for absolution, see a priest.”
“You didnt suffer that alone for him to conveniently come back and discover he needs to heal, so turn over the files.”
“On the back of your pain.”
“Once again.”
“Ugh. Sorry.”- Far-Bluejay7695
“NTA.”
“Tell him you’re glad he’s not your ‘problem’ anymore, block his a**, and move on.”- C_Majuscula
“NTA.”
“He has no right to request this information.”
“Maybe in the moment, but that has long passed.”
“He can f*ck right off.”- rora_borealis
“NTA.”
“Block him.”- CODE_NAME_DUCKY
“NTA.”
“BLOCK him and move on.”- Unique_Rule2978
“NTA.”
“He had a whole weekend to see those photos.”
“Too little too late.”
“Bet he wants you back in his life lol.”- Barkypupper
“NTA.”
“Block him everywhere and don’t worry about it.”
“He has no right to suddenly ask you to talk about it or to see images.”
“He had his chance, and he turned it down so now he has to live with it.”- late-nineteenth
“NTA.”
“‘The problem took care of itself’.”- MsREV83
“A year later, he wants to have a conversation?”
“That ship has already sailed, my dude.”
“You are NTA, my dear.”- CamsHands
“NTA.”
“Block him.”- Altruistic_Bed_2656
“NTA.”
“He gave up that right the night he refused your call.”- Top_Philosopher1809
“NTA.”
“F*ck ‘em.”- DrKobra
“NTA.”
“He’s vile, and you’re much better off without his jealous, petulant energy around you.”
“Block him and live your life to the fullest.”- Emotional-Dog8118
“The problem took care of itself?”
“If I’m understanding that right, I cannot imagine saying something more disgusting about a child you lost.”
“How despicable.”
“NTA.”
“I’m glad he’s out of your life, you deserve so much better.”- Time_Concert_9898
“NTA.”
“But I’m confused, why does he want to see pics of your failed pregnancy?”
“Sorry for your loss.”- Toni164
“NTA.”
“He sounds awful for getting mad at you for the store incident, but what he did after your loss is cruel and unforgivable.”
“Change your number and be done with him.”- Living-Assumption272
“NTA.”
“Block him on everything and move forward with your life.”
“Thank the Lord you did not have children with this vile excuse for a human being.”- Commercial-Place6793
“Absolutely NTA.”
“That’s your private health information.”
“You have every right to keep it private.”- KayakerMel
“NTA.”
“He didn’t care about you or the baby then, and the way he behaved and the words he used after a loss like that are unforgivable.”
“I suspect he’s only now asking about that moment in order to try and worm himself back into your life or use those photos to try and gain sympathy from someone else.”
“Block him and be done with him.”- jackskellington31
“The problem solved itself and the problem was him.”
“So don’t ever let him be your problem again.”
“NTA.”- ViennaVean
One can imagine that the OP’s ex is full of regret and unsettled emotions when he looks back on the situation. Most likely why he chose to reach out to the OP in the first place.
However, he missed his chance to show the OP that he truly cares about her, or that he’s changed at all. Making him unworthy of any connection to the child he once labeled a “problem”.