I have found that sitting at the table and talking after dinner is not everyone’s cup of tea. But, I was shocked to learn how controversial this topic could be.
But Redditor everpresentbruise encountered an issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving the table before the meal ends?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30m) usually take about 20 minutes to eat a meal, 30 max. My wife, ‘Darcy’ (30f) takes one hour at least, sometimes two.”
“She says that she just likes to make conversation while at the dinner table.”
“It’s always been a minor issue when Darcy gets annoyed that I left the table to do after lunch/dinner clean up (dishes etc). She wants me to just sit with her and talk or whatever until she’s finished, but I have work I should be doing (I work from home) and chores I could be doing.”
“Yesterday, I finished in 15 minutes, then got up to do the dishes.”
“She said that I shouldn’t get up until we’re both done, and she isn’t done yet so sit back down.”
“I said that she takes too long and I can’t just waste an hour of my time sitting there doing nothing, and we can still talk while I wash dishes.”
“Darcy said that was different and went to our bedroom and locked the door.”
OP’s wife was really hurt.
“Darcy told me to go sleep on the couch.”
“But she always sends me to do that when she goes to sleep angry at me, so I said can we just work out the problem before we go to sleep, because the couch isn’t comfortable and it takes a while to unfold (it’s one of those unfoldable couch beds).”
“Darcy said that she wants me to sit with her until we’re both done, and that it’s rude to leave the table before the other person’s finished.”
“But she takes so long that it eats into my work hours (for lunch, not dinner). She has a ‘no phones or books’ rule, which I generally agree with, but when I’m sitting at the table for hours, it can be frustrating.”
“I know it’s not about me not spending time with her because we do spend time with each other a lot. We go on a date every Friday night if we can, and on days when we have time, we watch a movie after dinner or play a board game.”
“I really don’t know. Is she a slow eater, or am I a fast eater? Is taking 1-2 hours for a meal normal?”
“AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“If you are working from home, you still only get a set number of minutes to take a break to eat/clean etc.”
“NTA I’d tell her that you need to be fully done by X time.. and by fully done you mean prep, eat, clean and back at your desk. Dinner is different matter so she needs to know that. Maybe stay longer with her at dinner but lunch isn’t time to wait around.” ~ shadow-foxe
“I got almost to the end thinking this guy was the AH and then he finally mentions that this is happening at lunch.”
“My fiance and I ALWAYS do the ‘talk about your day’ dinner together and it usually turns into super long conversations that are just so awesome.”
“But lunch is totally out of the question for this. We are both working and busy and sometimes barely have time to eat! I can’t imagine.”
“If OP is taking time to eat and talk with her during dinner and doing regular date nights than asking for all his lunch time and more is just way too much. NTA” ~ femmemalin
“I do also want to note, quality time together needs to be suitable for BOTH participants. For me, lingering at a meal table after I’m done eating is extremely uncomfortable to the point that it distracts me from the conversation. I can suck it up once or twice a year for special occasions but that literally leaves me ill the next day from the effort. She’s regularly taking more than twice as much time as he’s comfortable with at the table, I’d need more info on the concession both make in their other quality time before calling him an AH for this even without the work thing.” ~ DazzlingAssistant342
OP should suggest other activities.
“My husband currently works from 1:30 pm to 10 pm and he only gets 30 minutes for dinner. We’re both pretty fast eaters (depending) but I definitely wouldn’t force him to wait for me!”
“He eats within the first 10-15 minutes of his break and then sits on the couch for the rest of it. When I join him on the couch, we chit chat for a little bit and then I do the clean up after he returns to work.”
“He sits down and eats with her for these meals. That’s a lot better than some couples (plus he mentioned that they do spend time together in other ways).”
“I honestly can’t even imagine spending an hour or more eating a single meal. The food would be ice cold!” ~ MaleficentVision626
“Y’all’s chairs must be more comfortable than mine because no way am I sitting on one of those things for hours unless it is a holiday meal. I’m a fast eater and have no problem waiting around for friends to finish but they also don’t take 2 hours to do it unless we are doing a multi-course meal and the food is coming out at extended intervals.”
“If the wife is just trying to spend some time with him or whatever, she can use her big girl words and request an hour of ‘hangout’ time after dinner where they adjourn to more comfortable surroundings and spend time together without phones and whatnot.”
“But attempting to hold the guy hostage at the table by dawdling over her food and setting rules about what he has to do is pretty childish, IMO. Add that to her kicking him out of the room over it and you have a pile of dysfunction to unpack.”
“OP, unless she is serving you a four course lunch, I cannot fathom how anyone can take 20 minutes to eat a sandwich much less 2 hours. NTA.” ~ PokeyWeirdo12
They just need some quality time together.