Our first college roommate is truly luck of the draw.
For all we know, it might be someone who will remain our greatest friend for the rest of our lives.
More often, it might be someone we can't wait to say goodbye to at the end of the year.
In some cases, a roommate situation might be so bad that they might not even make it through one year together.
Redditor CaptainMacAlfie thought they were getting along fine with their college roommate.
Until, somewhat abruptly, the original poster (OP)'s roommate announced she was no longer comfortable living with them.
Unluckily for them, the OP was less than willing to oblige; the more they learned about why their roommate wanted them out.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA if I refused to move out of my dorm room after my roommate had a dream that made her uncomfortable to be in the room with me?"
The OP explained why their roommate wanted them out, but they wouldn't budge:
"I'm currently in college dorms, only a couple weeks into the semester, and I share my dorm room with one other person."
"We've been getting along great so far and haven't clashed at all, but last week she abruptly stopped staying in our room, and I've barely seen her the last few days, so I knew something was up."
"A couple of days ago, she asked to talk and said she had a dream that's made her uncomfortable to be in the room with me, so she put herself on the wait-list for a single room, but now she's asking me to take that room and to let her stay in the room we've been in."
"I told her yes, but we're still waiting on confirmation that a room will even be available, and I'm now starting to feel off about having to switch rooms."
"She also brought up her religion in the same conversation, which is just rubbing me the wrong way since I'm starting to think she is making the whole dream thing up and just didn't like that I'm not religious."
"I dabble in tarot so have a tarot deck on my desk and I listen to metal music so I'm slowly starting to think that she may just be assuming I'm some crazy antichrist or something since it just seems to odd that she's saying she had a dream that effected her so deeply and that she'd also randomly feel the need to bring up her religion."
"Now I just feel like it's not her place to tell me to move to a different room if she's the one who's uncomfortable."
"It's not even actually moving rooms that's bothering me, it's just the principle of it that it almost feels as if she's making it a punishment for me, like I need to leave the room for making her uncomfortable or something."
"I've done nothing intentionally to her to make her uncomfortable, and if I did something on accident, I'd expect her to bring it up and mention it made her uncomfortable, so I'd know not to do that."
"I know I am still worked up right now and not thinking the most rationally, which is why I'm making a post asking for others' opinions and waiting to talk to her about it until I feel like I've calmed down."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood behind the OP, agreeing that she was not the a**hole for refusing to move out of her dorm.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in feeling that if it was their roommate's dreams that were the source of the problem, then she should be the one who moves out.
"Not on you to move because she had a dream."
"It's on her to move if she feels uncomfortable through no fault of yours."
"I am also suspicious that this dream might be a fabrication to get you out of the room."
"If one of you moves out, will the other be left alone with a spacious double room?"
"Perhaps that's what she's after."
"NTA."
"Don't let her force you out, unless the single room is the better option."- sublime_369
"You're right, if she's uncomfortable, she should be the one who has to move."
"It's crazy that she's judging you for not being religious while simultaneously using a dream she had (did God send her a warning about you?) to be a reason she's uncomfortable with you."
"NTA."- CaliforniaJade
"NTA."
"It was a DREAM she had."
"Not real life."
"Your roommate needs to get over it."
"You aren't in the wrong."
"I even insist that YOU stay in the room cause she is the one with the made-up issue."-Different_Ticket9904
"NTA."
"Tell her you've reconsidered, and since she's the one who has manufactured an issue with her dream, she is the one who should go."
"She has some nerve to want you to go to a single room while she'd get the extra space of remaining in a double."
"When she is literally the source of the problem in the first place."
"Ignore her and live your life and enjoy your school year."- WhatInTheAssPepper
"NTA."
"You absolutely should not be entertaining the idea of being the one to move out."
"Whether this is due to a dream or her not liking your religious beliefs or lack thereof, or some other thing, they are her problem."
"If anyone is going to be moving out it should be her. I'd get ahead of this and talk to an RA or your equivalent."
"You might want to make sure you have anything really important in a lock box."- No-Assignment5538
"NTA."
"If you don't want to move, don't."
"You aren't the one that has the issue."
"Are you sure you want to pass up a single room, though?"
"Yes, it would be a hassle to move, but think of the peace and quiet."- Donutsmell
"NTA."
"College is a great place for her to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her."
"You didn't do anything wrong."- cydril
"Omg."
"No."
"Tell her to move out."
"This is her nonsense made up problem."
"NTA."- lkvwfurry
"NTA."
"You don't have to move out over a dream she had."
"If her own dream made her that uncomfortable or even if she's making it up because she doesn't like things you do, she can move out."
"This is her problem, not yours."- Stranger0nReddit
"NTA."
"It's on her to move out."- JurassicParkFood
"NTA."
"Tell her you've consulted the cards and spoken with the spirits and they've unanimously declared you need to stay in that room."- Dependent_Title_1370
"NTA."
"F*ck that, that's a her problem, let her move."- PraxicalExperience
"NTA."
"If she's uncomfortable she should move."- goldbunnybrain
"NTA."
"Roommate can move out."
'She wants a double to herself while you get the single and she tells friends you are weird or unsafe etc ( whatever narrative she supplies)."- witchspoon
"NTA."
"But I would probably move into a single room because the next one maybe worse than this one."
"I wouldn't let it bother you though she is the one with issues not you."- Aggressive_goats
"NTA."
"Aside from the fact thar she's the one with the issue, so she should be the one to move, there's the financial issue as well."
"Most colleges charge quite a bit more for a single room - often several thousand more."
"Are you wanting to pay that, or in a financial position to pay that, because someone you met 2 weeks ago decided they aren't comfortable?"
"And, for what it's worth, I'm saying this as a Christian whose Christian husband - and several others I know, including at least one Pastor - all like metal."
"Your beliefs are just that - your own, and you are just as entitled to them as she is hers."
"What she isn't entitled to do is force you to relocate and or pay more because she isn't comfortable with others having different beliefs."
"If it was that big an issue, she should have selected a Christian College."
"Lord knows there's plenty to choose from."- justanotheropinion72
"NTA."
"It's on her to leave if she's uncomfortable."
"However, I would highly consider the single dorm."
"Having no roommate is pretty peaceful for studying."- FisherManAz
"NTA."
"You're not responsible for her dreams."
"If she wants to act on them, that's on her."
"I'm guessing the single room has a higher cost, that's why she wants you to move there."
"You can, if you want to and can afford it."- OldGeekWeirdo
Some dreams feel so real that it can be genuinely hard to shake them in the real world.
Even so, as it was the OP's roommate who was struggling to process her dream in reality, and since she was the one who made the room request, it seems only right that she should be the one who moves out.
The only question is, what will happen if these dreams continue when she's living by herself?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.