Our birthday is arguably the one annual day when we can justify feeling special and being the center of attention.
With that in mind, it’s very easy to feel vulnerable on our birthday, no matter how old we are getting.
As even the slightest thing could make us feel down.
Or if something goes terribly wrong, we might feel ourselves getting unjustifiably angry.
Redditor ProgressDependent703 recently suffered a devastating loss.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s loss occurred on her husband’s birthday.
While the OP hoped she might get some sympathy and support from her husband, he instead claimed that she “ruined” his birthday.
Leading the OP to offer him some choice words in exchange.
Concerned she might have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for calling my husband a disgrace after he said my miscarriage ruined his birthday?”
The OP shared how her husband’s birthday turned into an unceremonious day for everyone:
“I miscarried yesterday afternoon about 12pm.”
“I’ve never had a miscarriage before and this baby was so wished for so it’s all so fresh and I’m sobbing right now so I apologize in advance if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”
“My husband turned 27 yesterday.”
“I, 26 F[emale], was pregnant with mine and my husband’s, 27 M[ale], 2nd child.”
“Yesterday, I was 8 weeks pregnant.”
“The day before yesterday we saw a beautiful heart beat flicking on the screen and today I’m devastated.”
“I was playing with our 2 year old when I felt a pressure in my lower abdomen.”
“Not long later, I noticed bleeding and I let my husband know immediately that I had discomfort and bleeding.”
“Before long I had passed what I believe is the fetus and I messaged him ‘I think I lost the baby’.”
“I wanted to keep him updated and I guess I was seeking some kind of emotional support.”
“I asked if he could come home and he said ‘of course, if it’s urgent’.”
“I said I think it is because the pain and bleeding is getting worse and I’m starting to feel lightheaded and our 2 year old is unattended in his playroom right now.”
“We have no friends or family near that I could call who would get to us quicker than he could.”
“I had to clean myself up, crawl down stairs to take paracetamol, make my son his lunch and then put him down for a nap.”
“At this point my husband still isn’t home.”
“He was working approx 30 mins away and took closer to 60 mins to get back.”
“Hours later when I asked, it was because he’d stopped at Tesco to pick up some beers.”
“I ended up very poorly, losing lots of blood, lightheaded, vomiting etc and he had to take me to A&E.”
“By the time I was discharged it was almost 8pm.”
“Last week, I had said I’d make him his favorite dinner for his birthday which he reminded me when we were almost home.”
“I said I wasn’t feeling up to it and that whatever takeaway he wants is on me.”
“He said ‘for f*ck sake’ under his breath and then muttered something along the lines of ‘this bullsh*t has ruined my birthday’.”
“He didn’t stop to get any takeaway.”
“He just drove straight home.”
“He put our son to bed and I went to bed and I’m not sure what he did after.”
“I didn’t see him this morning as he had already left for work.”
“He’s not messaged me all day and he got home a few hours ago (it’s now 8. 40pm) and he’s been giving me silent treatment.”
“I tried to speak to him about an hour or so ago and he ignored me and I called him a disgrace.”
“He slammed the bedroom door and locked me out of the bedroom.”
“His mum has since messaged me and said I need to be patient as he’s also had a loss.”
“She didn’t ask how I was or anything.”
“He’s obviously speaking to his mum but why isn’t he opening up and speaking to me?”
“She said I was harsh?”
“I’m feeling utterly emotionally neglected right now.”
“My body has been through emotional and physical hell.”
“I understand that my miscarriage came at a f*cking inconvenient time for him as it was his birthday and all.”
“I’m not sure if it’s the hormones making me feel crazy but is it nuts to contemplate divorce?”
“AITAH for calling him a disgrace?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling her husband a disgrace.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband bordered on unforgivable, and if the OP filed for divorce, she was more than justified in doing so.
“IMPORTANT.”
“You are still at risk of infection at this juncture.”
“It’s still dangerous for you.”
“Monitor your bleeding and temperature.”
“Your marriage is over.”
“How long you stay with him is up to you.”
“But this man is neither husband nor father material.”
“He cares more about his wants than your or your child’s needs.”
“It took a crisis like this to show who he really is.”
“NTA.”
“I’m so sorry you are going through all this.”- MistySky1999
“He’s lucky all you did was call him a disgrace.”
“I’d be calling him my ex-husband.”
“He knows his son is home alone with you and he stops for beer?”
“It’s one thing if he cannot leave work or cannot leave immediately.”
“He chose to make a needless stop.”
“Then you lost a lot of blood and were just all around in a bad way and he says it ruined his birthday?”
“He wants you to cook?”
“You said that BEFORE you lost the baby.”
“Before you had to go to the hospital for losing lots of blood.”
“The lack of care is so shocking.”
“Take the time to heal.”
“You still might want to reconsider this marriage.”
“I know it would be over for me.”
“I highly doubt this is the only time he’s shown this complete disregard for your well being.”
“And, obvious NTA!”
“Sorry for your loss.”- fancyandfab
“First off, I am so so sorry for your loss.”
“You are NTA at all and it upsets me that you are even questioning it.”
“You went through something painful, heartbreaking, scary and life threatening.”
“Your husband just showed you how little he cares for you and your child.”
‘What would have happened if you had fainted and injured yourself?”
“Or died because he stopped for beer?”
“What if your child got hurt or needed help and you were too weak?”
“You were having a medical emergency alone with a young child.”
“And. He. Stopped. For. Beer.”
“If I were his mother I would be consoling you and helping you after I completely eviscerated him for being such a disgrace.”
“They are both massive AH’s and you deserve so much more.”- Vast_Responsibility6
“NTA.”
“WHAT THE F*CK Your husband is a monster and even if he’s also grieving were I in your shoes, there would be no coming back from this.”
“You just had a F*CKING MISCARRIAGE and he’s pouting because his birthday was ruined and stopped to get beers before coming home to attend to you?”
“Does he even help take care of the child you have now?”
“You need support and he’s giving you the silent treatment for not making his favorite dinner after what was it?”
“Oh, right HAVING A MISSCARRIAGE.”
“Leave his a**.”- burner_suplex
“NTA.”
“But I think losing the MIL and husband is a nice course of action here.”- Agreeable_Pumpkin_37
“NTA.”
“OP, I’m usually not one to jump immediately to divorce, but this is an exception.”
“Miscarriages are dangerous.”
“You can hemorrhage.”
“If you don’t pass all the tissue, you can develop sepsis.”
“Miscarriage complications could not only render you infertile if left untreated, they can be fatal.”
“This isn’t even getting into the mental and emotional distress.”
“Your health could have been in serious danger, and he stops for beer on the way?”
“He cares more about partying than the health and wellbeing of who is supposed to be his life partner.”
“The ONLY appropriate responses from him should have been ‘I’m on my way NOW and I’m not stopping’ or ‘I’m calling an ambulance for you and meeting you at the hospital’.”
“Full stop.”- Sweaty_Item_3135
“NTA.”
“Your spouse lacks a lot of emotional coping skills and maturity.”
“You were in medicial danger.”
“His birthday is second to that.”
“Not to mention running to Mommy about private issues in his marriage.”
“I’d say get counseling if you want an actual husband in this marriage.”
“NTA.”-HotPizzaMilk
There’s no denying that this was anything but a happy birthday for the OP’s husband.
However, the fact that that’s all he could focus on after everything the OP went through is, indeed, fairly disgraceful behavior.
It’s safe to say he needn’t worry about the OP “ruining” his birthday next year.
As chances are, she will likely no longer be his wife…