The world would be a much happier place if everyone had complete control of their emotions at all times.
Sadly, we know all too well that that isn't the case.
As a result, we often lose control of our emotions, particularly our tempers, at many inopportune moments.
Embarrassing ourselves, and those we are with, in the process.
The wife of Redditor throwra37736 had more trouble than many others controlling her temper.
So much so that the original poster (OP) was even starting to get used to it.
Until, that is, she came to his place of work to further unleash her frustrations, swiftly putting the OP's job and marriage in jeopardy.
Wondering if he handled the situation as well as he could have, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for watching and not doing anything while my wife was being kicked out of my company?"
The OP explained how when his wife accosted him at work, his wife's fury only grew owing to the way he handled the situation.
"So my wife, (26 F[emale]) and I, (33 M[ale]) been married for 2 years."
'I admit that she is a hothead and can be a bit much especially when she's mad at me."
"I take responsibility for any mistake I make, like not cleaning the bathroom after the shower or filling her car with gas after using it."
"I even stand there and let her unload her anger and frustration on me, BUT only at home and not in public."
"She tends to start arguing with me in public instead of waiting til we get home."
"Recently she's been coming to my workplace to berate me over something I did the night before like not getting the stuff I said I would get or doing the stuff I said I would do."
"It's embarrassing and humiliating, and has been affecting my job to the point where I started getting a warning after a warning from my superiors who, I believe, have been very patient and understanding."
"Especially when my wife makes a fuss at the office."
"Last week I was in the middle of a 2 hour meeting, and next thing I knew I was seeing my wife barge in while yelling at me, asking why I was keeping my phone turned off."
"I had to turn it off after getting warnings about it since she forbid me from turning it off."
"I was stunned, because my superior and co workers AND potential clients were there."
"I didn't even move my superior dealt with it and called security to get her out."
"My wide started arguing with him telling him she came for me then started urging me to get off my seat and tell them to back off."
"But I didn't I just watched as security escorted her out."
"It was horrible because I had a fear that my job was lost."
"She yelled at me repeatedly to get them to stop but she got kicked out eventually."
"I got told she's no longer allowed there and that this was going to be my final, last warning."
"I apologized then went home."
"She was there waiting then yelled about me watching and doing nothing whole she was getting mistreated and kicked out."
"I finally snapped and said she was over the line, made a scene that risked my job over few missed calls."
"She started crying saying I still should've defended her after getting humiliated in front of my co-workers, but told her she didn't have to worry about it because she's no longer allowed there."
"She got more furious and went to her mom's to stay there."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not interfering when security escorted his wife from his office.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP's wife was not only out of line, but manipulative and abusive, with several openly urging the OP to seriously consider if remaining in this marriage was a good idea.
"NTA."
"This is a form of abuse and I would take this with a strong understanding that things are getting worse."
"You never show up to a spouses place of work like that."- Obvious-Result6853
"NTA."
"And this is 100% divorce-worthy."- KrtekJim
"NTA your wife is abusive."
"You need to get away from her and get counseling."- Aunty-Sociale
"See a lawyer."
"You are married to an abusive manipulative monster."
"She has no concept of acceptable behavior."
"What kind of face does she have to show herself in public behaving like this?"
"You are 110% right."
"NTA."- BeeYehWoo
"Your wife isn't a 'hot head', she's abusive."
"She's going to violate that ban and get you fired."
"You need to get out, these things only escalate."
"NTA x1000."- IAmHerdingCatz
"NTA."
"Please contact your HR department and ask for help because you are in an abusive relationship and it is a common tactic among abusers to cause job loss as a method of destabilizing their partner."
"She isn't just a hot head, she is controlling and aggressively monitoring your behavior, flying off the handle when you are not reachable 24/7."
"This kind of behavior only escalates."
"Your coworkers and your superiors have seen her raging abuse and control, I know they're frustrated with her disruptions but if this were a man barging into his wife's office to berate her, they'd be much more concerned."
"You need to take this wake up call."
"There is no planet where someone this unhinged does not become violent."
"Please be safe and find a way to protect yourself."
"I am glad she left."
"Sort this out and get the f*ck out."- wildferalfun
"NTA."
"Let her stay at her mom's while you work on getting divorce papers served."-Comprehensive_Meat57
"NTA."
"You need to leave this woman, she is abusive to you."
"Get out now before it progresses further."- Solaris_0706
"NTA."
"What the hell, she's abusive and manipulative, ask her to get some serious help."
"Why are you still with her?"
"She is clearly not okay?"
"Oh so it's okay when she humiliates you but not the other way around?"
"The double standards, ditch the woman."- Mountain-History5848
"NTA."
"Run away, she's abusive and toxic."
"You may love her, but I think you deserve better."- UchihaSasuke79
"NTA, but my dude, you're being abused."
"Your wife is abusive and controlling."
"You're acting like this behavior is normal, and on you to manage and mollify."
"Maybe your parents were the same way, and you grew up learning that people who claim to love you yell, berate, embarrass and shame you."
"Also, DARVO."
"Deny: 'I'm not a bad person for coming to your office and making a scene'."
"Attack: 'you deserve to be yelled at and berated for not putting the toothpaste cap back on or whatever'."
"Reverse victim and offender: 'YOU should have defended ME when I got in trouble for showing up at your work, again, and causing such a huge scene that security was called. This is all YOUR fault'."
"My dude, you need to seriously and honestly divorce this woman, then get into therapy and get right with yourself."
"Nobody should be accepting behavior like you've described, let alone making excuses for it."-Cent1234
"NTA if my husband acted like that he'd get one chance to get some professional help."
"Then he would get hit with a restraining order and divorce papers."- CommunicationOdd9406
"NTA divorce her now!"- Julia070000
"My friend, you really need to learn the signs of abuse."
"NTA."- attack-ninja
"NTA."
"You are in an abusive relationship, full stop."
"This raging at you has got to stop."
"Nobody should have to go through that, especially at work of all places."
"The fact that she can't understand on her own that this is wildly inappropriate behavior is red flag territory."
"Consider your next moves carefully, think of your self-worth and safety."- sugarintheboots
"NTA."
"Why are you still with her?"
"Even 5 year olds are better behaved than her, no shade to kids."
"Btw, your supervisors are extremely patient."
"I don't know which universe your wife is living in."
"P.S. It's common decency to not use your phone at work."
"We leave our phones in our drawers for meetings."
"How can she not know this?"
"She is 26!"- love_cars_more
"NTA."
"And you should lawyer up & get a therapist."
"She is abusing you."- Responsible_Judge007
"NTA."
"You are an abused husband."
"If you do not have kids, you should cut her loose."
"In fact, you could change the house locks right now."
"This would help your ability to keep the house during the divorce."
"Your divorce papers should be served with a restraining order."- GoonyGooGoo42
We've all lost our temper over small, menial things every so often.
But the way the OP's wife seems to regularly yell at him is disconcerting to say the least.
What's more, it's genuinely baffling to even consider what she hoped to accomplish by attacking him at his place of work.
Regardless of what the OP decides to do regarding his marriage, one can only hope his wife gets the help she seems to need.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.