Being a new parent is so stressful.
There is so much to learn and you have to learn quick.
One of the eternal battles is how to properly nourish a child.
Breastfeeding or formula?
This topic has caused much debate.
Case in point…
Redditor CrunchySiL wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking my SiL out after she threw away most of my single use baby products and even formula?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 19 F[emale], I have a 3 week old baby girl.”
“I do still live with my parents, but since I pay rent equally, they say I can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do.”
“I’ve never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough.”
“I have a brother, who’s 26 and his wife is 24.”
“They’re ‘crunchy parents’ to an 8 month old.”
“Basically what that is is f**king stupid.”
“They use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on.”
“I’m the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies.”
“They are completely against the products I use and often give me things like S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their baby has grown out of, etc.”
“I’ve used some but it’s not really my cup of tea.”
“On Monday night, my bother and SiL were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my baby’s father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places.”
“It was great and really relaxing.”
“When I got home that evening, my SiL said that she did some cleaning and ‘threw out anything I don’t need.'”
“This immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately.”
“When I went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones.”
“Same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, I’m not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn’t sustainable for us.”
“I was extremely angry and I just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my SiL.”
“She and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when I confronted her.”
“I told her she has to replace everything she dumped.”
“When she said she can’t afford to, I said fine, just get out and don’t come back until I’ve been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items.”
“My brother thinks I’m being a massive a**hole and he’s on his wife’s side.”
“Our parents think I’m being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away.”
“They are still going to the same place but have now doubled.”
“Formula is expensive and you say you’re supplementing… your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more.”
“That’s why formula was created.”
“Your SIL was waaaaay out of line.”
“Even if she doesn’t agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it.”
“It’s the baby that will suffer.”
“She needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it.” ~ onablanketwithmybaby
“Breast feeding advocates are extremely judge-ie. It’s a cult.”
“I breastfed for a year and was almost defeated by books promoting the notion that there is no such thing as low supply.”
“I had plenty of milk most of the day but my supply was indeed low in the evenings.”
“That was not in my head, it was REAL, but they are not above mind-games.”
“I recall the trauma of my evening ‘failures,’ crying because I’d come to believe the formula was poison and I was poisoning my baby.”
“Obviously I woke up to reality eventually.” ~ lrpfftt
“I encountered this and I nursed for TWO AND A HALF YEARS!”
“I started giving kiddo some whole milk in a cup around 9 months and one group I was in, you would have thought I’d fed them a couple shots of insecticide.”
“OP, FED is best. Bottle or breast is irrelevant.” ~ REDDIT
“I followed one of my son’s old daycare teachers on social media that I had a good relationship with.”
“She ended up having a kid of her own after we were out of her class and moved away.”
“Her comments and posts started to unveil the person she was.”
“The day I saw a comment she left saying giving your child formula is like feeding them fast food, I unfriended her.”
“Seriously, there is enough pressure on new mothers as it is, that crap is just unnecessary.” ~ Shadow082
“I have children born through surrogacy and I once told a breastfeeding woman to ‘f— off’ in a doctor’s office after she told me I was abusing my child by giving her formula.”
“When asked for an apology, I said I was sorry her baby had an a**hole for a mother.”
“Later I thought she was probably trying to find a way to be homophobic without publicly looking like one.”
“OP is NTA and, like others have said, she should threaten to file a police report for theft.”
“Maybe get the co-parent involved in the report.”
“It’s been awhile since I had to buy formula, but I remember spending upwards of $25 USD per can, so I can only imagine what that must be where OP lives, especially if it was a specialty formula.”
“Also, even if parents help out OP with formula and nappies.”
“I’d still enforce the rule until you’re fully repaid within a set amount of time.”
“Brother and SIL are saving money reusing things, then they can cough up money to repay you.” ~ ghettoblaster78
“My little guy is now 13 months.”
“My wife was in tears a lot when he was younger with trying to breast feed because he would nurse for hours and get basically nothing, and was in the 1st % for weight gain.”
“So 99% of other babies were doing better than him.”
“We started doing formula and stopped trying to breast feed at all after about 6 months, and now he is into 10th percentile.”
“Fed is best.”
“You are right, the ‘breast is best’ type people are almost cultish sometimes.”
“This mentality has also literally killed babies.”
“My mother is/was a nurse for 4 decades and has handled thousands of babies.”
“She said the teaching on this evolved a long time ago and too many people have not caught up, and the mommy group people sometimes really hold things back and hurt the children.”
“I cant imagine someone throwing away OPs formula.”
“We buy the ‘big cans’ and its about $40 each unless they are on sale.”
“We sometimes have bought 4-5 at a time if they DO go on sale.”
“If I came home and they were all gone i’d lose my s**t.”
“Whoever did it would be replacing them all or we’d be going no contact.” ~ Syphacleeze
“My supply was not enough for my baby but I didn’t realize it for the first week.”
“And I had been fed so much info from people about how it’s bad for the baby if you supplement with formula, so I purely breastfed that first week.”
“My baby cried nonstop and didn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time.”
“I just about had a mental breakdown and finally my M[other] I[n] L[aw] insisted I get some sleep while she watched the baby.”
“While I was sleeping she fed him some formula (I had gotten some free samples in the mail and kept them just in case) and I was absolutely astonished to wake up and see a happy sleeping baby.”
“The poor kid was starving that whole first week and I didn’t even realize it.”
“Fed is best. NTA.” ~ imokyoureok95
“NTA – They STOLE from you.”
“Doesn’t matter what they did with the stuff, they stole items that were yours.”
“Banning them until they reimburse you is more than fair.” ~ johnny9k
“What do people usually say here in these situations?”
“‘A fed baby is a happy baby’ so it doesn’t matter if it’s breastmilk or formula, as long as the baby gets to eat.”
“Throwing away your formula and not compensating you for that while you’re struggling yourself.”
“Also while you have to heavily rely on formula to literally keep the baby alive sounds like leaving the baby to starve.”
“What a shi**y thing to do, especially under the excuse of ‘helping the baby.’ NTA.” ~ lilli_neeh
“So she saved the environment by (checks notes) throwing away all of your supplies.”
“Makes sense. NTA and your SIL has a screw loose.” ~ EggandSpoon42
Well OP, Reddit is with you here.
People should not throw away other people’s belongings.
And how you feed your kid is your business.
Keep doing you.
Good luck.