When your sister plans to bite off a little more than she can chew, it’s natural to want to help her. Especially if it’s related to her wedding.
Redditor aitahowtopay is asking the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her interaction with her sister. The original poster (OP) may have been a little too callous when she spoke to her sister.
She asked Reddit if that was the case:
“AITA for asking my younger sister how she was going to pay for everything and saying her plans weren’t realistic after she showed us her wedding plans?”
But were her sister’s wedding plans really unrealistic?
“My younger sister is getting married next year but she’s already planned everything she wants; she just needs to arrange everything now. We were having dinner with the extended family when she pulled all of the women to another room to show us what her wedding was going to be like.”
“It was almost a literal copy of our cousin’s wedding and obviously going to be expensive. My cousin’s wedding cost 7 figures to put things into perspective and the only reason she could afford it was because her in-laws/husband paid for everything.”
“My sister was excited while she was showing us everything, but it was obvious she hadn’t considered how much it was all going to cost or how she would fund it. One of my aunts asked her multiple times how much certain things would cost but she could only answer it for one thing (an expensive tiara that she wanted).”
“When she told us that she wanted her groom to fly to the venue in a helicopter I finally decided to directly ask her how she planned to pay for everything.”
“She got red in the face and said that our grandparents and parents said they would help (they definitely can’t afford this wedding), and that she would start a crowdfund for the rest. I was blunt and said I didn’t think her plans were realistic and she should probably focus on the essentials before she started getting excited over helicopters.”
‘My sister called a jealous female dog and left the room.”
“I do feel awful because my sister is refusing to speak to me now and my aunt (her daughter had the expensive wedding) told me I should’ve just let her realise it wasn’t realistic on her own and that everyone thinks that they want that type of wedding until they try to make it a reality (I remember her daughter had multiple panic attacks from the pressure of planning her wedding).”
On the AITA subReddit, people are judged for their decisions in their story. OP tried to give her sister a dose of reality, but did she go too far?
Commenters judged OP on this topic.
They did this by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s comments did not go too far in addressing her sister’s wedding plans. It was a simple question about how she planned to pay for an ungodly expensive wedding, and a recommendation she focus on the essentials first.
That simple advice upset her sister is not OP’s fault.
“NTA. She needed a reality check before she made commitments and realised she couldn’t pay for them” – Cocoalover27
“I was on the fence on whether you were the AH until your sister broke out ‘groom’ ‘helicopter’ and ‘crowdfund.’ Someone had to go ahead and give her a dose of ‘that’s expensive, and asking everyone else to pay for your expensive insanity is crass and rude.’”
“NTA and your sister is well on her way to ‘Bridezilla’ territory.” – DumbestManEver
“I’d have to say NTA here. You were/are obviously concerned about her going way into debt and sending your family way into debt.”
“She needs to be realistic on what she, your family, her fiancee and her fiancee’s family can afford” – Welder1919
“NTA. You were just being real with your sister about the facts of life here.”
“She’ll simply have to learn the hard way. Many of these things she wants will require payment or a deposit beforehand.”
“And just because she wants something doesn’t mean that thing will materialize just because she wants it. I think she’ll be sorely disappointed by what crowdfunding brings in too.”
“Has she always been so entitled? Her reaction to your reasonable concern was just ridiculous.”
“When she comes to you later with her hand held out for money to be able to afford this crazy wedding just give her your most serious look and say ‘Why would a jealous female dog want to help you with that?’ And walk away like you’re royalty.” – jammy913
A bigger deal was OP throwing out the estimate for their cousin’s wedding her sister is trying to copy being seven figures.
Who can put $1,000,000 towards a wedding?
“NTA, you asked valid questions. Your sister is obviously over excited and hasn’t considered the costs.”
“But who in the hell pays 7 figures for a wedding? That’s insanity.” – pyrotequila85
“I’m hoping OP mistyped or can’t count because a million dollar wedding…?” – Flownique
“If helicopters flying in and out and real diamond tiaras are an accurate sample of the rest of the wedding, sadly, I can see how an event like this could get to seven figures USD.” – Father-Son-HolyToast
“A seven figure wedding? Is this in the USA? A seven figure wedding would be INSANE, and like reserved for the uber-wealthy only.”
“You are definitely NTA for telling her to be realistic. Most people can’t even afford a six figure wedding, let alone one ten times more expensive than that!” – Grundlestiltskin
“NTA, but….. a 7 figure wedding?????? What on earth could she have possibly had at her wedding that made it count 7 figures???”
“Are you in the US?? Cuz if you are that’s gotta be wold record or something” – GertrudeEatsPizza
Maybe OP’s sister didn’t want to hear the truth, but OP was fairly kind and empathetic when she presented it. The sister likely cannot afford the kind of wedding she’s planning.
The advice to focus on the essentials and build it out from there is solid, and is what the sister should do.