We can all understand that as we grow up, we are going to outgrow things, like clothes, activities we enjoyed as children, or even books and movies we loved when we were young.
But no one warns us that we might outgrow ideas, and potentially our relationships, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MercyAndGraceAITA had distanced himself from his family, except for his father, so when he and his girlfriend were invited to a family birthday dinner, he was hesitant.
When his girlfriend was publicly ridiculed, the Original Poster (OP) realized too late he was right to be nervous.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for calling my sister immature for bringing up periods during lunch?”
The OP separated himself from how he was raised.
“I (19 Male) come from a very traditional family. In my family, men are meant to provide and protect, while women are meant to nurture children.”
“There is absolutely no discussion of ‘shameful’ subjects; like anything related to periods or sex.”
“I’ve, thankfully, grown out of this mindset and I don’t speak with my family or associate with most of my family, especially my sister (30 Female), ‘Mercy.'”
“The only exception to this is my dad, who is rather level-headed compared to the rest of my family.”
“My dad invited my girlfriend (18 Female), ‘Grace,’ and me for his informal birthday lunch.”
“I was a bit hesitant to attend with Grace, but my dad assured me that everyone would be respectful.”
But the OP’s father was mistaken.
“I’m assuming that sometime during the lunch, Grace asked Mercy for a tampon, because Mercy, while we are eating, told everyone that Grace ‘shamefully asked her for a tampon in private.'”
“This made me extremely uncomfortable and the lunch turned awkward but Mercy kept going.”
“She told me that I ‘brought home a w**re’ (I’m assuming this has to do with the whole belief that tampons make you ‘unclean” and impure’ unlike pads).”
“She also said that Grace was a ‘grossly unprepared woman.'”
“It was dead silent after Mercy finished speaking.”
“Everyone was glaring at Grace, and she was obviously very embarrassed and had tears in her eyes.”
“She got up, thanked my dad for the invitation, and went to wait in the car.”
“I was just about to follow her, but Mercy scoffed and made a comment about how sensitive Grace must be and how she can’t handle ‘constructive criticism’ about her ‘lifestyle habits.'”
The OP spoke up against his sister.
“I’m not sure what came over me, but I was very angry at this point.”
“I thanked my dad for the invite and told Mercy that she was gross for bringing up Grace’s period at the dining table when she could have shut up and not acted immaturely.”
“Then I left and took Grace home.”
The family did not respond well to what happened.
“Even though I only said this to Mercy, I’m sure everyone heard me because afterward, I got a few texts saying, ‘If your girlfriend was more prepared, then this wouldn’t happen,’ etc.”
“Days after the dinner, Mercy is still very annoyed with me, and my dad thinks I shouldn’t have said anything and that Grace and I ‘spoiled’ the day for everyone.”
“I usually wouldn’t care, but I do feel responsible for Mercy’s behavior towards Grace after the dinner.”
“I also feel bad for ruining my dad’s birthday.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP for distancing himself from his family in the first place.
“NTA. Your family sucks and has the emotional intelligence of a rock.”
“Your parents for the ‘women can’t talk about unclean things’ and your sister for trying to shame your girlfriend.”
“Your family has shown you who they are.”
“You have a serious choice: your girlfriend or your family. By their choice, you can’t have both.” – Elfich47
“Grace: privately asks Mercy for a tampon.”
“Mercy: tells everyone at the table about the private request and claims Grace behaved in an inappropriate manner.”
“NTA. The only rule in a toxic family is that nobody can call out the toxicity. You broke that role, so consider yourself free. I’m proud of you.” – Crazy-Kitty-Lady
“At my last job, the only other woman on my team texted me while I was on my way to work and asked me if I could grab her a pack of tampons and a new pair of panties, as she had gone in early that day and forgot to restock her backpack and the women’s room didn’t have any available.”
“The only thing that came out of my mouth was what size panties and what brand/type of tampon she needed.”
“Women should always help other women when it comes to periods, because I would hope someone would do the same for me if I were in that situation.” – MissMariemayi
“I use a menstrual cup; I keep tampons at work at this point mostly in case a coworker needs one. This family is completely sick.”
“Women should help each other. Humans should help each other. This shouldn’t be controversial.” – Gatorae
“He’s 19 and she’s 18, more than likely they won’t be together forever. Regardless of how long they are together, it seems to me he needs to start planning the rest of his life without his family being a big part of it.”
“What his sister did is completely unacceptable and toxic, and if the rest of his family agrees with her, it’s just untenable for him to subject his current or any future partner to their insanity.” – ScrillaGorilla
Others were appalled by the sister’s behavior.
“Ironic that he gave his sister the name ‘Mercy.’ I am personally appalled. Everyone I know is very open about periods, but I remember how in middle school we kept them secret like they were shameful.”
“This is like a nightmare scenario, this is how we imagined people would act if they knew. As an adult now we know that sane, kind people don’t do this.”
“‘Grace’ was an appropriate name. She still thanked OP’s dad for the invite, even after the cruel treatment.”
“There was absolutely no reason to bring that up to everyone, except to be horrible. She asked privately for a reason. Sorry for the rant, but this story made me so angry. OP will be lucky if his relationship survives this.” – a_squid_beast
“This is such a betrayal, I gasped.”
“There are RULES. You do not ever, ever shame another person with a uterus for needing menstrual supplies. You do not out them, you do not announce it to the table.”
“You either quietly pass them what they need (if you have it) or you quietly decline. I don’t care if that person is your mortal enemy, there is a code, people.”
“We’re voting Mercy off the island. Unacceptable.” – DiTrastevere
“I used tampons for many years before I lost my virginity. Anyone that believes you’re not a virgin because you use tampons is a fool. How disgusting is his sister? NTA.” – AssistantAccurate464
“Not only that, she actually called her a w**re. In my family, that would’ve called for some table flipping.” – StellarStylee
“And she quietly asked another woman for help. It’s not like – especially when you’re a teen – your body is totally predictable.”
“Instead of saying, oh sweetie, all I have on me are pads, is that alright?, Mercy had to make A Big Deal about the fact that she had a normal human function.” – marigoldilocks_
“I thought all females are supposed to be understanding about such situations. Periods aren’t a perfect clock, so any girl or woman could be in this situation for a variety of reasons, hence they will help with what they have (be it a tampon or a pad).”
“What Grace did (asking another woman for help with the problem in private) is normal. What Mercy did is entirely despicable.” – Gragh46
“OP, NTA.”
“This is why when people come over regardless of they are my guest or a housemate, I let them know privately I have a bucket of period products should they ever need it in a bathroom cabinet. Always stocked.”
“I did this when one of the girls asked me and I could tell she felt uncomfortable asking and anxious about my response. I made the bucket the next day and she almost cried at the gesture.”
“No one should feel uncomfortable for something they can’t control because just like you said Grace had a normal bodily function.” – Personal_Lynx_3828
The OP surprised himself with his reaction to his sister, and because of the incoming text messages, he also had some mixed feelings about how the afternoon played out. But the subReddit reassured the OP that he had done the right thing by standing up for and leaving with his girlfriend.
While it might not make a big difference with his family, the OP was normalizing periods with his behavior, and that would be important to someone at some point.