Parenting is an incredibly unique experience, and everyone handles the situation differently.
Of course, that means that certain things will make some people more comfortable than others.
That could even include nicknames for the baby, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Solaris_0706 was taken aback when her sister demanded that she stopped using a nickname for her own baby, simply because her sister’s husband used it for her, as well.
After seeing how persistent her sister was, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to stop calling my daughter ‘my love’?”
The OP had a trying relationship with her sister.
“My (28 [female]) older sister (33 [female]) has a habit of making everything about her and has done this our whole lives. We are 2 of 4 siblings (another sister and a brother).”
“For example, my wedding 4 years ago, she had a massive fight with her significant other and then announced a pregnancy.”
“2 days later, she told us it was a false alarm and she was just late.”
“When I announced my pregnancy, she announced she had broken up with her significant other. Less than a week after I gave birth to my daughter, she announced she was engaged (to a different guy, that she has since broken up with as well).”
“She has also done similar with other family members, including her own children.”
“She has 3 children from 2 different dads and has been engaged and broken up with 3 different guys in the last year.”
The OP was recently on a video call with her family.
“We had a family video chat to catch up so everyone could see my daughter (4 months old).”
“No one has had a great deal of face-to-face contact due to restrictions and distance, and some family members have yet to meet her in-person.”
“I use lots of nicknames for my daughter, mainly Bubble, Poppet, or a shortened version of her name (think Izzy if her name was Isabelle), but occasionally use terms of endearment such as, Sweetheart, My Darling, or My Love.”
The OP’s sister made an unexpected request.
“While on the video chat, my sister asked me not to use My Love as her new boyfriend calls her that.”
“She’s been ‘talking to him’ for about a month and is now apparently moving in next week.”
“I apologized and said I wouldn’t use it around her, thinking this was reasonable.”
“She said no, I had to never use it again, I wasn’t allowed to call my daughter that, and she found it really inappropriate as it really should just be used in a romantic setting.”
“This confused me and I refused.”
“I said I could call my daughter whatever I pleased and I would simply avoid using the term in front of her.”
“She got very defensive and went on to insult my parenting skills.”
The OP didn’t want to put up with it.
“Here is where I may be the AH. I told her, just because her new guy couldn’t remember her name long enough to use it, and chances are none of us would put the effort into learning his, doesn’t mean I need to change what I call my daughter.”
“She flipped out and left the call.”
“Some family members are on my side, and some say I was too harsh.”
“Am I the AH in this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP could only control her own actions.
“I suppose my view is that you can only really control your own actions, not hers. If everyone keeps giving in when she demands attention, then unfortunately she’s winning.”
“Biting back will likely only fuel her.” – 9okm
“Sometimes it just takes the one person to call it out then people follow. It kinda clicks that they don’t have to allow it and calling it out is a possibility after just putting up with it for years.”
“As she grows up its kinda on the parents to call out, and if/when they don’t by the time they’re an adult and all the other people would/should really be calling them on their bs (and likely when it’s gotten more out of hand) it turns into ‘that’s just how they are’ and normalized.”
“With this, op finally called her out, and even though it was harsh many of them agreed with her. Yeah, some said she was too harsh, but they didn’t say she was completely wrong and they certainly didn’t say that what the sister was asking for was reasonable.”
“They all know OP’s sister needs to stop.”
“NTA op. Keep it up.” – tiffi_333
“It might help if you and your family educated yourself on how to function with a loved one with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).”
“Your sister will continue to create drama her whole life in order to get attention – but you and your family have a choice whether to get sucked into it. If everyone is on the same page of not making your sister’s latest drama bigger by picking sides, then you will all find peace.”
“If your sister does have NPD, she is only at peace when everyone else is fighting and she gets to be the victim at the center of it. Use the Gray Rock strategy around your sister – just avoid giving her ammo to use against you.” – kissiemoose
Others agreed and said the OP should communicate with family without her sister.
“You can choose distance yourself from family or at least don’t expose yourself to sister. Do video chat calls with people individually without her.” – Spiritual-Check5579
“Organize the video chats and always exclude her, or mute her if that’s an option. Cutting her out of your life seems like an excellent plan going forward.” – shawslate
“If OP is the ‘owner’ of the call she can just mute the sister any time she starts to misbehave.”
“And I’m pretty sure most of the people would be ok with that because catering to adult toddlers is very exhausting” – Ayandel
Some pointed out putting up with the sister would be a bad influence for the daughter.
“Why are you all putting up with her toxic behavior? Are you going to continue, showing your child this is ok?”
“I did this myself, and regret it terribly.” – justwannalurkpls
Though some of her family members thought the comeback was too harsh, the subReddit understood why the OP felt the need to put her sister in her place about how she was parenting her baby. Not only was she making something out of nothing, but to then turn to mom-shaming, is absolutely uncalled for.