When you allow someone into your home, there is an expectation of hospitality.
But there is also an expectation of respect for the homeowner’s rules.
So what do you do when a guest makes demands and disrespects the house rules? A mom is wondering if she went too far in her reaction to a houseguest, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Mommaoverdidit asked:
“AITA for throwing my sister-in-law (SIL) and her kids out after destroying my son’s Lego city?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a mom of an only child (Jake) who just turned 9 back in August. Jake is obsessed with anything to do with building and wants to be an architect when he’s older.”
“I fully support this dream and have spent a crap ton of money buying the graph paper, the table, rulers, and the biggest expense, Legos. He likes to spend his time drawing out his plans for his Lego builds before he moves over to the blocks to actually build things and I think he’s fantastic at it.”
“For his birthday, I cleared out our spare room and hubby and I set it up as Jake’s ‘office’ complete with a huge Lego table. This room is my son’s pride and joy and he spends a lot of time in there.”
“Anytime any kids come over, they have to have his permission to go in and we enforce it. Here’s where the problem starts.”
“My SIL recently left her husband and her and her 3 kids came to stay with us. This would be fine if she hadn’t started throwing a fit about Jake’s office.”
“She wants more room in our house even tho they have the entire finished basement that has a family room that they are using as a bedroom. She wants us to clear out Jake’s office so she can have space away from her kids.”
“When we told her no, she got angry. She then started demanding we let her kids play in there because Legos are toys and Jake needs to share.”
“I told her she was out of her damned mind because Jake said he didn’t want his cousins in there, that he’s working on a huge project (he has been building a city).”
“SIL went crazy and ended up destroying all the work Jake put into his build. ‘Now theres no excuse’.”
“I was beyond angry and went downstairs, grabbed her stuff, threw it into bags and threw it all out of my house, and told her to leave.”
“Our family and my husband thinks I was a major a**hole for what I did and now I’m starting to question if I was.”
“AITA?”
Ordinarily Redditors would weigh in using four voting codes:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
But the feedback was unanimous that OP was not the a**hole and SIL was.
“NTA – it’s not about the LEGOs it’s about her trying to call the shots and assert her dominance in YOUR house and when you didn’t cave she f’king damaged your child’s possessions?”
“She can GTFO and stay out. Any relatives that have a problem with it can take her in.”
“Your husband probably just thinks you were too extreme because he’s brainwashed into thinking you have to put up with sh*t behavior from family. Sadly most people would let family do things they would never let a stranger get away with.”
“Stand your ground!” ~ WhiskeyCheddar
“NTA. Your sister-in-law made the deliberate choice to do something she knew would hurt your child because she wasn’t getting her way after you and your husband told her ‘no’.”
“That’s the sentence you need to repeat every time anyone, including your husband, claims you overreacted.”
“Then make them explain to you why they think it’s OK for a grown a$$ woman to deliberately hurt a 9-year-old child because someone told her ‘no’.”
“Any family member that wants to continue to defend her better be letting her live with them and giving in to any demand she makes. If they aren’t, point out that until they do, they need to STFU.” ~ LakotaGrl
“This right here. The SIL refused to respect your boundaries and was pushing them, then behaved like an a**hole, and then tried to use the result of her a**hole behavior to justify her demand?”
“F’k that. NTA.” ~ daemin
“Exactly this.”
“When family takes you in because you are in a bad place? You are GRATEFUL, you don’t stomp your feet and demand more-more-more.”
“Let me guess…she’s also not paying rent or giving you $$ for food and utilities?” ~ Crastin8
“What if SIL had done that to OP’s bedroom, or some other place her husband uses?”
“Maybe she wants the garage next because her kids shouldn’t have to wait for the windows to defrost in the morning. It’s only fair if the person driving alone has to defrost their car.”
“[Her demands] would never end.” ~ TitaniaT-Rex
“NTA. Your SIL is greedy and manipulative… but you also have an issue with your husband.”
“You two are obviously not on the same page with your SILs living situation OR Jake’s office.”
“You guys need to figure this out, and be on the same team.” ~ Midwest_Paige_Turner
“People with SIL’s mindset can be extremely dangerous around kids – especially since she’s demonstrated she doesn’t care about OP’s home, her son, or anything else.”
“OP’s protecting her son from an escalation beyond the LEGO’s or bullying by his cousins.”
“SIL’s lucky all OP did was pack the stuff instead of repaying like with like.” ~ INTJedi
“I agree completely. She was willing to deliberately and irreversibly destroy something that was important to your family and your child.”
“And for what? So she could get her way? That is something that little kids do, before they get punished.”
“This woman is not stable. She is absolutely not entitled to living with you at all, so instead of being grateful, she tries to force you all to bend to her will?”
“When you resisted, she threw a temper tantrum? Just, no.” ~ Midwest_Paige_Turner
“Not just a verbal temper tantrum, but she literally got violent and destroyed a huge project a CHILD was working on.”
“I would keep the SIL far away until she starts to act her age and your husband needs to understand how wrong his indifference is.” ~ Catgirl4992
“Imagine being so entitled that despite someone taking you and your three kids in and giving you the whole basement, you then demand their son’s playroom for yourself and then proceed to wreck it?”
“SIL is a [out of control]. Other family can take her in and deal with her if they feel so bad.” ~ PaddyCow
While the OP may not currently have her husband’s support, Reddit has her back. She was protecting her son from a woman who proved she didn’t respect OP or her husband and was willing to be cruel to their son to get her own way.