When a family member needs help, most people would try to help.
But what if your help is met with demands and conditions? That’s the situation a 24-year-old wife is facing with her husband’s sister.
After refusing to bow to her sister-in-law’s demands, she got backlash from the rest of her in-laws. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor ellie_99x asked:
“AITA for not letting my SIL stay at my house because I prefer my dogs (she doesn’t like them)?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“With the pandemic, she (19) lost her job and stopped paying rent and now she was kicked out of her apartment and has nowhere to go. Her parents live in another city and we are her only relatives here.”
“That’s why she asked my husband (28) if she can stay with us until she finds a new job. We said yes but then she asked what we were going to do with our dogs.”
“I asked her what she meant and she said she couldn’t stay with us if we didn’t send the dogs somewhere else because she’s afraid of them.”
“They are two great danes and a greyhound and they are all very friendly. They’ve never bit or hurt anyone and they would never do something like that.”
“I’ve had the greyhound for eight years and the other two for five years and that’s why I know they would never do something like that.”
“My husband and I told her that if she wants to stay here she will have to learn to live with them, that they are really important to us and that this is also their house and that they won’t go anywhere.”
“She said that she’s scared to death of them, and that she could never live with them because of what happened to her when she was a child.”
“When she was about 5 a greyhound bit her and left a big scar on her arm and since then she hates dogs like mine.”
“So we told her that then she can’t stay here and now the whole family is mad at us.”
“My in-laws think that we are being insensitive, and my MIL is angry with me especially because she says that my SIL is like my sister and that it’s not fair for me to do that to her.”
“She said that because I’ve been with my husband since I was 14 and his whole family always treated me as if I was another member of their family.”
“But honestly that doesn’t even matter to me, my dogs are like my kids and I love them as much as I love her, and I’m not going to change my mind.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. If your in-laws are so fired up, THEY can move to your city and take her in.”
“SIL doesn’t get to beg for a place to stay and then dictate the terms. I prefer your dogs, too.” ~ MalsPrettyBonnet
“More realistically they could fly/bus her to them. Or pay for living arrangements while she job hunts.”
“So many options here it’s ridiculous.” ~ umidk9
“Or if they’d paid her rent she wouldn’t be getting evicted. They could’ve helped her maintain her place.”
“NTA, it’s your dogs home as well and they shouldn’t be displaced to accommodate her.” ~ Marmenoire
“NTA. Her fear is understandable but her request to get rid of the dogs is unreasonable.” ~ Tiredblood
“I can relate to her as I also had a bad experience with dogs when I was young. I’ve learned to tolerate them for short periods when I meet up or visit friends with dogs, and when I’m dating I make sure to date women without dogs and have no ambitions to get a dog.”
“When I’m around them I tense up and act calm, but on the inside I’m screaming.”
“That being said I would never want any family, friend, or even a random stranger to try and displace their pet because of me because I am the guest, and that is the dogs home.”
“No OP, you are NTA.” ~ LastKingOfEarth
“Not sure where the entitlement assumption came from that they would get rid of the dogs. If SIL wants the room, cool, but beggars cant be choosers, especially for an undefined time period.”
“Perhaps she could focus on how to keep the dogs out of her room, or in another part of the house during meals to minimize her interactions, but not fair to impose the additional burden on people who have generously offered a free room.”
“Her fear is completely understandable, her proposed solution is not reasonable.” ~ wildcat12321
“Seriously. I’m terrified of pretty much every dog over 30-40lbs that I am unfamiliar with due to trauma as a child (and perversely, all my favorite breeds are large+, which was well established prior to the attack).”
“But I would NEVER expect someone to get rid of their dogs so I could be in their home. The MOST I’ve ever asked is for them to HOLD the dogs, so I can approach them in my own time – once they’re calm.”
“Soooooo NTA, OP.” ~ Licoricewhips99
“Start a group chat with all the in-laws, ‘SIL is about to be homeless, why haven’t you all pitched in to pay for an apartment and expenses for her, you are abandoning her, she is helpless, deserves this, etc… You know hubby and I would love to contribute but because our dogs are so expensive, we can’t’.”
“Then LOL and LOL even more. NTA.” ~ Bostonguy50
“NTA. You gave her an option, she’s choosing not to take it. She can take care of herself – the dogs can’t.” ~ SlothToaFlame
“NTA. I can’t stand or understand people who treat pets like furniture that can just be moved without problems or issues.”
“Those pets are your fam, and your house is their house. Props for standing up for them.”
“And honestly, who asks to stay at a place and then makes a giant deal that you won’t get rid of your pets? I just can’t fathom that level of [entitlement].” ~ Cloud_King_15
While it was kind of the OP and her husband to offer his sister a place to stay, her demands are not reasonable.
She’ll need to either learn to live with the dogs or find someplace else to live.