The announcement that friends and family members are going to be parents would seem to be a guarantee for celebration.
But not everyone might see the inherent joy.
Some people find themselves biting their tongues, amidst fears that the people making the announcement might not be ideally suited to being parents.
This was the gut reaction of the sister of Redditor crispsandfries when their brother announced that he and his wife were expecting a baby.
And when things took a tragic turn, she offered a less than sympathetic offering during a family gathering hosted by the original poster (OP).
Concerned about how they handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my sister out of our family dinner after she made a practical observation’?”
The OP first explained that they and the rest of the family were a bit surprised when their brother announced he and his wife were expecting, but his sister made little effort to hide her disapproval.
“My brother ‘Fred’ and his wife ‘Sarah’, are not very financially stable.”
“So it was a bit of a surprise for my sister, ‘Katie’ and I when they announced that they were pregnant.”
“However, we kept it to ourselves.”
“A few months ago, Katie planned a family trip.”
“Brother and SIL decided to opt out as they were cutting costs for the baby.”
“At this, mom and dad decided to cancel the trip altogether and have another one later, since mom’s health wasn’t too great either.”
“This greatly irked Katie as she was really looking forward to this trip and made some very unsubtle remarks that Fred and Sarah shouldn’t be having children if they don’t have money.”
“This very clearly upset both of them.”
Things unfortunately took a tragic turn for Fred and Sarah, and when the OP hosted a gathering in hopes of lifting their spirits, Katie succeeded in making things go from bad to worse.
“Unfortunately, due to several complications, the baby was stillborn.”
“It has been a month, and my brother and SIL are understandably still devastated.”
“Especially my SIL’s mental health is not very well as of now.”
“Yesterday, I hosted a little family dinner at my home, with sister, brother, SIL and our parents.”
“Some time before dinner, SIL went to the bathroom, and meanwhile, my husband asked Fred if she was doing well.”
“Before Fred could reply, Katie jumped in and said, ‘Well, though the loss is very sad, think of this as a good thing’.”
“‘At least you don’t have to worry about money anymore’.”
“‘As I said, you shouldn’t be bringing kids into this world unless you are sure you can provide for them’.”
“Fred went red-faced and said that they WOULD have been able to provide for their child.”
“They may not have money for extra luxuries, but they would do everything for their child.”
“He was almost crying and purple with anger, so I quickly dragged Katie away to the kitchen and demanded what had possessed her to say something so insensitive.”
“She got incredibly defensive and said that she had made a very practical observation and she was 100% correct.”
“It was better to see straight than be clouded by emotions.”
“By that time, Sarah had come out of the bathroom and was shocked to see Fred in tears.”
“She kept on getting hysterical and asking what was wrong.”
“I knew that Katie’s presence would ruin things further, and I asked her to get out.”
“She looked incredibly hurt and angry, but went out anyway.”
“Fortunately, our parents were late and didn’t have to see the whole spectacle.”
“When they came home and found out what had happened, they were shocked and upset at Katie too, but mom thinks that perhaps I shouldn’t have kicked Katie out like this.”
“For some more clarity, Katie is 24, so she ought to have enough maturity to know what to say.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for kicking Katie out of their house.
Everyone was shocked by Katie’s hurtful and insensitive remark, with many pointing out that what the OP did was far more “practical” than Katie’s observation.
“Your observation that Katie upset your guests was 100% correct and your action to expel her from your home was very practical.”
“You saw it straight, not sure why Katie got clouded by emotions over it.”
“There’s no silver linings to losing a wanted baby, none! and to suggest any is a particularly special form of cruel.”
“I don’t know if Katie is a particularly immature 24 year old, or if she has some challenges in terms of social interaction, but it sounds like your mother may coddle her as ‘the baby’ based on your mother’s reaction to the incident.”- BaltimoreBadger23
“You did well.”
“Your sister on the other hand, acted as one of the greatest AH ever.”- iryngael
“What an unbelievably callous thing to say.”- ZookeepergameWise774
“There is the suggestion to THINK before you say something.”
“That is, is what you are going to say is True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, & Kind.”
“True: Possibly – but I side with Fred’s perspective.”
“Inspiring: To what end!?”
“Kind: Quite the opposite!”
“NTA – and ‘Katie’ is a massive one.”- Kitchen-Arm-3288
“Hopefully she learns some tact in the future.”
“I hate self righteous bullies.”
“They excuse such deplorable behavior in the name of our own good.”
“That woman really just implied that the stillborn death of the man’s much anticipated child was a secret silver lining because he was too poor.”
“And heard nothing wrong with what was coming out of her own fool mouth.”
“Dreadful person.”- FrolickingTiggers
“Thank you for having the courage to confront this.”
“So many people don’t and let horrible people get away with things like this.”
“I wouldn’t be interested in anything to do with her again.”
“The complete lack of empathy doesn’t make me think she will change and her apology would mean nothing.”
“She already told you how she feels.” – dog_star_
“NTA, and I’d permanently disown Katie.”
“There are some things you can never unsay or atone for, and ‘It’s a good thing your child died’ is one of them.”- BeccasBump
“Katie can stay gone.”- LPOLED
“It’s not even a practical observation.”
“Their being unable to afford a vacation does not speak of the financial security necessary to have children.”
“Shelter, nutrition, education and love.”
“If they were unable to provide those it would make for a practical observation.”
“Her comments are callous and cruel and nothing more.”
“You did everything right by evicting them from the situation and I commend you for being a gracious host.”- oscillius
“Your sister is not just immature, but also very materialistic, petty and jealous.”
“Looking at the conversation you can easily tell she is petty and weaponizes conversations if it doesn’t satisfy her need for attention.”
“What she said was hurtful, insentitive and ignorant.”
“Is she suggesting that only wealthy people can have kids?”
“o]Or that only children who grow up in wealthy homes are well taken care of?”
“I don’t know your brother or SIL, but I do know many people around me who come from humble backgrounds yet they do their best to provide a good life for their children.”
“Grieving parents shouldn’t have to hear such comments.”
“Would she have said the same thing if a 3 year old child died because ‘you’ll have less financial struggles now?'”
“As someone who is firmly childfree, I agree that having kids is not a great decision for your finances, but that is MY opinion.”
“I wouldn’t go around pushing such ideas on others.”
“Your sister needs to stop being so judgemental of others and apologise to your brother.”
“Your brother and SIL shouldn’t have to put up with your sister at the dinner after what she said.”- tastyqilin.
“And that’s some sh*t that would make me stop talking to that family member all together.”
“Losing a child, any child, is awful.”
“Katie geniuenly needs to learn a f*cking lesson.”- Repulsive-Ad-8546
“Of course you should stand with the bereaved parents.”
“What a nasty piece of work.”- PeggyHW
“What your sister said was unbelievable nasty.”
“She seems extremely immature.”- fresh_pickled_toad
“What your sister said is incredibly hurtful.”
“Even if it were true that’s not something you ever ever ever saying to a grieving parent.”
“You don’t say ‘look at the bright side’ to a grieving parent.”- ExcellentPatience298
Losing a child is an unimaginable tragedy that no one deserves to go through.
Here’s hoping that Fred and Sarah find all the help and comfort they need, and will one day become the wonderful parents they are bound to be.
And here’s hoping Katie learns to think before she speaks.