As exciting as it is for friends and family to come together and celebrate a couple’s holy matrimony, there is one huge obstacle that must be overcome before the exchanging of vows.
That is planning a wedding.
One of the many challenges involved is strategizing who sits next to who at the wedding reception.
One Redditor who deleted their post was a wedding guest who was majorly inconvenienced by the seating chart and dealt with accordingly in a way that did not end well.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for confronting the bride and groom at the wedding over the seating chart, and leaving early when they refused to change it?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“My FIL got married a few weeks ago, but they just returned from their honeymoon, and I’ve heard through the grapevine that they think i am an a**hole.”
“At the wedding we were put at the same table as my husband’s mom, who we have not spoken to in three years”.
“There was never a formal big no contact, she just stopped answering messages and stopped reaching out. My husband checked her social media once to make sure she was alive.”
“She was alive and well, so we felt like fine if she wants to ignore us the relationship can just be over.”
“We haven’t heard from her since, she hasn’t met the baby, and it was sad for my husband for a little while, but he is over it. We expected her to be at the wedding but were surprised that she was seated next to us because FIL knows about the estrangement.”
“MIL looked uncomfortable for a little while, but relaxed and was just ignoring us, but I could tell how uncomfortable my husband was.”
“I went up to the head table and asked FIL and the bride why we were next to MIL (I did congratulate them first) FIL looked like he was trying really hard not to smile and said to ask the bride, she did the seating chart.”
“She said it is just normal to put people with people they know. I asked if we could be moved because she was making my husband so uncomfortable.”
“FIL asked what she was doing and I admitted nothing, and he told us to leave him alone and stop bothering them at their wedding.”
“I went back to the table. At this point my husband isn’t even eating because he is stressed and MIL is twisted all the way around in her chair so she doesn’t have to look at us and I just snapped and told my husband that we shouldn’t stay when we have been disrespected and if his dad wanted us there he wouldn’t have put us at that table.”
“MIL’s husband was like you know we can hear you a**holes, but I ignored him and asked my husband if he wanted to leave.”
“He agreed and we went, but I heard that FIL and his wife were talking bad about us to MIL after we left and saying we are selfish, and MIL said we are hypocrites because we didn’t care about her happiness at our wedding (I don’t know what she meant by that).”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. It baffles me how people can pull the “MIL was being cordial!” Yeah.. it’s easy to ignore and be cordial when you’re the one who ghosted your child.”
“OP was looking out for her husband, and I don’t care if it’s the FIL’s wedding… why would you purposely put your son in a situation like that? You’re all disregarding the fact that the son was ghosted by his own mother and no matter the reason, they should NOT have been sat together. OP hardly made a scene.” – nina-boo
“NTA Rather than use her words, MIL cut off contact and even blanked her kid, who was trying to reach out. She is well aware her son went to his dad for help, and regularly checks she is okay. MIL is an AH. An attention seeking one from the sounds of it. What a horrid way to treat your child.”
“Your husband was so distressed bc his mother was there and ignoring him. I am doubtful his own mother couldn’t tell. Tbh, kudos for being a decent wife and asking if you could be moved, rather than walking out.”
“FIL likely knew you were all on the same table, and declined to give his son a heads up. Whatever petty nonsense this is over from MIL’s side (did you not let her get her hair done first on the wedding day? Did she want to wear white and you said no?), FIL is not helping. Maybe he thought this would, but he is an AH for putting his son in that position.”
“Yes, you should’ve approach FIL and his new bride. They literally caused the situation and rather than dither around the issue (like the rest of the family clearly do) you went straight to the source for a straight answer. You let him know his kid was upset, he didn’t care. As such, you rightly left.”
“FIL cannot call you selfish, when he has declined to explain the reason his son is being put through this rejection by his mother. I’d call that selfish. He cannot call you selfish for leaving, when you removed someone from an upsetting environment. That is very reasonable.”
“As for MIL – she wants to use her words, then she should use them, rather than going around bitchin’ to everyone else in riddles rather than growing a spine and telling you/your husband was massive mea culpa you committed to warrant her petty behaviour.”
“NTA. It’s crazy for me that people are saying otherwise. Of course your husband was distressed, he was sitting next to his mother who ghosted him for no reason (as long as he knows).”
“The fact that this was FIL’s wedding doesn’t excuse him from disregarding his son’s feelings. I think that this is a very good sign that neither of your husband’s parents care that much about him.”
“NTA!!!! I was literally just as a wedding where something similar happened except it was the FIL sat next to his estranged daughter. Bride wanted her father and sister to reconnect, all that actually happened was the sister felt disrespected and told her this wedding would be the last time they saw each other if she thought so little of her boundaries.”
“Same thing I told my friend, you knew they were estranged, weddings aren’t the place to force people to reconnect, and your ‘big day’ isn’t an excuse to make people do what you want. So again NTA.” – Cumslaps
“NTA. I don’t think youn handled it super well – asking the bride and groom to change seats in the middle of the reception dinner was a bit rediculous. Unrealistic and kind of self important. But – leaving was the right choice. I just think you should have bowed out without causing a scene. You could have addressed the weird choice after the wedding.”
“Also your husband’s whole family sounds pretty emotionally unhealthy and I hope he’s in therapy to help grieve and learn to process things in healthy way – since he can’t have learned many useful tools from the people who raised him.” – UnApprovedActivities
“NTA. I hate this idea that horrible behavior is excused simply because it’s someone’s wedding day. Nearly every decision is the bride’s; if she knew about the strife and had a ‘f’k you haha’ moment when creating the seating chart, then too bad for her. Consequences, yo.” – subgirlygirl
Overall, Redditors suspected the seating plan was a deliberate scheme, and they didn’t blame the OP for leaving for the very awkward situation.