One of the most heated discussions a couple can have about their children is about their kids’ appearances: how young is too young to teach a daughter how to shave her legs, for instance.
But most people don’t have conversations about appearances when it comes to babies, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor RealisticEnd465, however, was sick of hearing comments about their baby daughter’s unibrow and felt it was detracting from her relationships.
But when their husband called them out for shaving the unibrow, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they overstepped.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for shaving my baby’s unibrow?”
The OP was tired of the comments they heard about their daughter’s eyebrows.
“I have a baby girl who has a very thick unibrow.”
“Of course, I think she is beautiful, including her bushy little brow, but I am SO tired of the comments from other people.”
“Literally on a daily basis, people tell me I should dress her up as Frida Kahlo for Halloween, jokingly ask if she has a caterpillar on her face, tell me dad must be really hairy, etc.”
“Nobody seems to notice anything about her except that unibrow.”
The OP decided to do something about it.
“So, I shaved a little separation into her brow.”
“I used a tiny little facial razor that is very gentle on her skin and made sure to take care of her skin afterward.”
“It didn’t cause any sort of irritation or issues and I’ve continued to do it every week or so.”
The OP mentioned speaking with their pediatrician in the comments.
“Our pediatrician said, ‘It’s not a big deal, just make sure you moisturize the skin so she doesn’t get razor burn.'”
The OP’s husband called them out on it.
“My husband finally noticed (I did it initially about a month ago) and demanded to know how I could possibly do something like that to our child.”
“He’s angry with me because 1) I didn’t run it by him first; 2) I’m going to give her body image issues, and 3) there’s nothing wrong with a unibrow.”
“I told him when she’s old enough to voice her opinions, she can tell me what she wants, but until then, I’m going to keep shaving it so that people notice more than just her unibrow.”
The OP described their daughter’s unibrow and husband’s reaction more in a comment.
“It was very black and very obvious.”
“My husband claims I’m ‘exaggerating’ how long I’ve been shaving it to make a point, but I assure you it’s been at least a month.”
“To be fair, he’s very oblivious when it comes to appearance. I once dyed my hair bright pink (from my natural brown) and he didn’t notice for like a week.”
The couple put the subReddit to the test.
“He told me to post it on here to ‘prove’ to me that I’m the AH.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned by how long it took the OP’s husband to notice anything different.
“…Your husband just now noticed your kid doesn’t have a unibrow anymore, a month after the fact? When it’s literally right on her face?” – Vixen7-9
“The fact that it took him a month to notice is an automatic revocation of his right to say the first d**n thing about it. He’s being performative and complaining because he now has something to complain about.” – RighteousTablespoon
“I have no feelings either way about the OP, but I do think it’s funny that the dad got so mad and yet he is apparently so disinterested in his own child that it took him a month to notice.” – WhatAboutBob7419
“Husband is the AH for taking so long to notice and then making such a fuss about it.” – lilypinkeye
“I wouldn’t connect those two things. My husband has a little face blindness, not enough for it to be debilitating, but he doesn’t notice details or features of what people look like.”
“He couldn’t tell you what color our 30-year-old son’s eyes were, and yesterday I got mad at him because he didn’t tell me my bangs were sticking straight up when I stepped out.”
“But he is an excellent father and husband. He simply doesn’t see things like facial features.” – LimitlessMegan
“I remember as a teen my dad was sooo against me getting my eyebrows waxed, hair straightened or dyed, ear piercings, etc. I just did all of them without his permission, and he never even noticed. Even when I dyed my hair (granted, it wasn’t purple or anything drastic).”
“He was and still is an amazing dad, but I find a lot of men just don’t really take notice or care about that stuff as much as they think they do.”
“It’s like when guys say, ‘I love that you’re so naturally beautiful; I hate when women wear all that makeup!’ while in reality, you put a full face of makeup on every day.” – heywhatsup9087
Others thought the OP was doing right by their daughter.
“Once when visiting my parents’ house, I noticed some bright red, floor length, heavy curtains on the back sliding door where there used to be those cheap plastic panel blinds with the push stick.”
“I commented something to the effect of, ‘Ooh mom, the curtains look great, are they new?'”
“She kind of looked at me strangely and said, ‘Yeah, new about ten years ago.'”
“In fairness, I hadn’t lived at that house for over 10 years and usually only visit a few days a year for either Christmas or Thanksgiving.”
“Anyway still NTA.”
“Every woman (including myself) on this thread knows that any ‘body issues’ this little girl might develop surrounding her body hair are gonna be baked in by all of society everywhere around her and not caused by Mom.”
“I love the full brow and natural body hair movement and embrace my own but have zero shame surrounding my choice to clean up stray hairs where I don’t want them.”
“Also… She’s a baby. Mom is necessarily in charge of her stylistic and hygienic care for a long time coming. Mom is the one fielding gross body comments, not the child. Maybe let mom handle it how she deems fit.”
“Little girl will be lucky when she’s older to have a head start on how to safely manage her skin and hair how she deems fit for herself. (Maybe I wouldn’t have twin gnarly scars up each shin if someone had taught me that shaving doesn’t require the force of peeling an apple when I got old enough to feel conscious about it and sneak into dad’s shaving kit, I don’t know.)” – Maxwells_Demona
“For this baby, and future little girl, if the comments are happening as often as OP says, shaving the unibrow will likely head off body issues related to it.”
“If she hadn’t started before the kid knows anything, there would come a point when her daughter hears the comments, and then it wouldn’t be long after that she starts to internalize them and be embarrassed.”
“That’s when she’ll cry and ask her mom to help her fix it (hopefully vs trying to fix it herself). And it would be too late.”
“Sure, her mom would dry her tears and teach her about shaving and waxing, but the child would likely live with self-consciousness about it for years after anyway. This way that never has to happen.” – jengaj2016
“My wife does a tour of ‘all the things I’ve done today’ so I get a chance to praise her on her efforts.”
“Not because I don’t appreciate them, but I’m so exhausted by the time I’m off work, I just want to sit, eat, and have some peace and quiet and barely see the world around me.”
“She wants to feel like her efforts are appreciated, and needs verbal affirmation. There are some days she could dance naked in front of me and I would barely notice.”
“Our 3rd baby was born completely bald on top of her head, but very thick hair on the sides and back. People asked us if she was related to Danny DeVito non-stop.”
“We shaved her bald and prayed it came in more evenly (which it did).” – aroundincircles
“I had a very thick, very dark unibrow as a child. I was bullied relentlessly and never knew there was even an option to get rid of it until I was 12.”
“I wish my mother had shaved it off sooner. She always made me feel beautiful, but I developed self-esteem issues due to the bullying at school.”
“I would not have been upset at my mother for sparing me that. You should have discussed it with your husband as partners, however, you are NTA for helping your child.” – kingboocat
“NAH. I can see why your husband is upset. You really should have consulted him first before doing something to your daughter.”
“However, why wait until she comes home crying because kids are making fun of her when it’s something easy to care for now? While it’s nothing medically necessary to care for, it’s something easy to take care of.”
“I just imagine leaving it alone and having her hate her childhood pictures. Pictures that she can’t change but can burn instead of having the memories.”
“I also can’t believe it took a month for him to notice. Showing that it’s really not that big of a deal.” – Boomgtd_
The subReddit overwhelmingly supported the OP’s decision to reshape her daughter’s eyebrows before it could become a self-known issue because of bullying peers.
They were more divided about the father’s response, knowing that the OP should have talked to him about it, but some being very concerned at the attention he was giving his baby daughter.