Should we patronize a business frequently enough, it's easy to develop special relationships with the people who work there.
Oftentimes, this might result in getting what seems like special treatment from these individuals, such as an extra glass of wine at a bar or an appetizer you didn't order at a restaurant.
But while there is nothing wrong with accepting this special treatment, one should never expect it from these individuals, no matter how much business we bring them.
Redditor and tattoo artist That_Squid_Dude got a request from a previous customer helping her get a very special tattoo.
Her desired image, however, was a bit more than she was able to afford, resulting in her asking the original poster (OP) for a discount.
Something the OP was unwilling to accommodate.
Worried that he was being unsympathetic to his customer, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for sticking to my prices as a tattoo artist."
The OP explained how his customer had a very specific request and budget for a commemorative tattoo which he found himself unable to accommodate.
"I'm (25 M[ale]) a tattoo artist, and recently had a client I've tattooed once prior shoot me a message last minute to get a tattoo done."
"It's a memorial piece for her sister who passed recently."
"The tattoo she wants is something her sister wanted but never had the chance to get done."
"I have no issues doing memorial pieces."
"However she told me her budget was only $100."
"Tattoos can be a luxury item and they can get expensive fast."
"I gave her some slight variations of how I could do the design to fit comfortably in her budget, but she's dead set on the original piece."
"Price difference is between $50- $100 more than the previously stated budget."
"I talked to her about the difference in price and we spent a bit talking about how losing loved ones is hard."
"However I don't feel comfortable selling myself short as an artist, because this is how I pay my bills."
"Am I in the wrong for sticking to my prices?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give their customer a discount.
While people were sympathetic to the customer's situation, everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right to put his livelihood first.
"My grandfather was a big fan of Ferraris, but he never got one before he died."
"I tried going to the Ferrari dealer, and told them how my budget was only $10k."
"But it would've been a great honoring memory of my late grandfather."
"They wouldn't budge, and said $2 million was firm."
"Are they the a**hole?"- DutchTinCan
"NTA."
"Like you said tattoos are kind of a luxury item."
"If you can not afford it you should not be trying to get one."
"I truly understand where she is coming from, but maybe she should wait 2-4 weeks after she saves a little more and come in."
"Don’t compromise your talents because then you will be bending over for a good portion of your customers since there are a lot of people who get memorial tattoos."- hopefulintentions
"NTA."
"She can wait until she's saved up the full price since she doesn't want to negotiate on the details of the piece."
"Playing on sympathy is inappropriate here."
"Loads of tats are memorial."
"You can't start a 'half price with a funeral program or obituary' promo and earn your living."-ScarletDarkstar
"NTA."
"Where I am tattoo artists have a minimum."
"For example, my last tattoo was $150 for a small name in cursive which literally took 10mins, I counted."
"They charge per hour."
"Doesn’t matter how quick it will be, it’s per hour."
"My small name tattoo cost nearly the same as another larger more detailed tattoo."
"Don’t sell yourself short."- Status-Pattern7539
"NTA."
"She’s using the backstory of the tattoo to get a cheaper price."
"She can save up and get it done when she can afford to get it done properly."- anonymouse957
"NTA."
"You're doing nothing wrong."
"Like you said, tattoos are a luxury."
'She doesn't need one, she wants one."
"It would be nice to be able to give your work away for free to anyone who wants it to commemorate someone, but you have bills to pay and there are many people out there in sad situations."
"Most probably don't ask you to work for free because they know it would be rude."
"I don't think it's fair to work for free for someone who is rude enough to pressure you."
"You have been kind enough to give her options within her budget and if she wants a more expensive option, she'll have to save up for it."
"The language you have used here is kind but honest."
"You have done nothing wrong."
"The bottom line is that you can't afford this."- Antstst
"NTA."
"Your prices, your work, your choice."
"It requires work and skill to tattoo a good tattoo and if you deliver good work you should never sell yourself short."
"And If she wants it, she can save up for it."- ImagineReality125
"NTA."
"This is how you pay the bills."- iambecomesoil
"NTA."
"Stick to your price."
"It's worth it, now and later."- tosser9212
"NTA."
"Like you mentioned, it's a luxury item."
"If the price you gave was honest for the work and materials, stick with it."- einat162
"NTA."
"While I’m sympathetic to her for the loss of her sister."
"This is not for you to give her a discount that would take money from your pocket."
"Maybe she can wait until she can afford the tattoo.'
"This is your work therefore how you pay bills etc."
"Did the funeral home give them a discount?"
"No, why?"
"Because that’s how they pay their bills."- Recent_Sherbert982
"NTA."
"I mean you don't even know her, how do you know she's being honest?"
"If she really wants that memorial piece, she can continue to save until she can afford it."-juiceboxfriend95
"NTA."
"She needs to save up more for her tattoo."- River_Song47
'NTA."
'Never sell yourself short."
'The best advice I can give you is to not care about that dead sister like you didn’t know her."-Bannmannmeme
"NTA."
"As a tattoo artist, you have spent a lot of time and energy to get where you are, and sometimes clients forget you have bills to pay as well."
"As a consumer, I really hate saving up for my tattoos, piercings, etc, but I also know that it's worth it in the end."- Mary_P914
"If you can't afford it, you can't have it."
"NTA"- ccl-now
"I'm of the opinion that you pay for people's time and art."
"If you can't afford to pay the price to get what you want, that sucks, but it's not on the artist to lower their prices to accommodate you."
"You need to save up a little longer so you can afford what you want."
"OP you have a skill that people pay good money for.'
"Don't sell yourself short."- MeiliCanada82
"NTA."
"It’s a luxury and a special piece."
"She can save up and make a special memorial trip for her tattoo."
"You’re a good person for feeling bad, but many people have memorial tattoos and you can’t offer discounts for everyone."- kb-g
"Definitely NTA."
"My last tattoo was last month and I saved up for it for months."
"Just a tiny bit put aside out of every paycheck just so I wouldn’t mess up my bills and food budget."- SinStarsGalaxy
"NTA."
"If she wants the exact piece she needs to pay the full price for it."
"She can save up and do it at a later time."
"Don't sell your art and livelihood short."- Mysconduct
"If she's dead set on the original piece and insists on short paying you."
"Do a hundred bucks worth of work and stop."
"Tell her you're more than happy to finish when she's happy to pay."
"Do not sell your skills at a lower price, that only devalues your work and you pay twice."
"NTA."- Nevyn-57
"NTA."
"What you could do is offer her a chance to save up and book her a few months out."
"Don't lower your prices though."
"That only hurts you."- whisker-fisty-cuffs
The OP later shared that he and his customer eventually came to a compromise.
"I talked to her today and we found something more appropriate for her budget, so we both ended the day content."
It certainly would have been nice if the OP had offered his customer a discount as a way of expressing his sympathies toward her.
But that is something he should have offered, not something she should have asked for.
Even if the customer might not be getting exactly what she was hoping for, one has little doubt that her sister is still touched by her gesture.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.