Parenting is an endless, thankless job.
That’s why parents need help raising kids.
That village is a necessary gift.
But that doesn’t absolve parents from being parents.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor Throwaway9876-57 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my sister’s husband useless?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (17 F[emale]) sister (34 F) called me saying that her work had an emergency and she needs to get there right away and needed me to watch her kids because ‘no one else can.”
“I rushed over there just to find her husband locked in his game room playing video games.”
“I asked her why she called me over if he was home and she said he didn’t want to ‘babysit’ because it was his only day off.”
“Sister left, and I started hanging with the kids.”
“I was changing the baby’s diaper and the other kids wanted a snack, I told them to go ask their dad to make them a snack since the baby had a blow out and it was going to take my awhile to clean him up.”
“Well their dad sent them back upstairs and told them to ask me again.”
“After cleaning the baby up I made the kids a snack and their dad came out to eat and told me not to let the kids interrupt him on his day off.”
“By the way, he works part time from home, 6 days a week.”
“I kind of snapped at him and told him it was MY day off too and that he’s a useless f*cking father and husband if his wife has to rely on her teenage sister rather than her own husband.”
“He started telling me I was disrespectful and didn’t understand how hard parenting is.”
“And I told him he clearly doesn’t understand how hard it is either since he considers parenting his own children ‘babysitting.'”
“He ended up kicking me out and apparently my sister was forced to come home because he told her she needed to figure it out since I’m her sister.”
“I feel like I may be the a**hole because my sister is mad at me, her husband is mad at me, my mom is mad at me for causing drama, but my dad thinks it’s funny and agrees with me.”
“I definitely didn’t need to call him names but I just hate this guy so much.”
“We have argued about things in the past as well so we already don’t have a great relationship.”
“My sister is saying I need to apologize to him and he is threatening to never let me into the kids lives if I keep disrespecting him.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Hold up. Your sister had to leave work because her husband kicked you out… even tho he was literally right there for the kids.”
“Her husband is utterly useless and she needs a reality check.”
“Me, personally, if I showed up just to find out the husband was there but didn’t want to ‘babysit’ his kids I would have turned right back around.”
“That’s not an emergency, that’s enabling” ~ FoxUniCarKilo
“I don’t get why these people ever even have kids!!”
“Being childfree is a valid option, and a much better one than producing a bunch of children you have no intention of being in the lives of.”
“OP, you are absolutely NTA, and I was literally thinking ‘neither do you’ right before I read where you said it!”
“You gave a perfect response, and you, your sister and her kids deserve better.” ~ Ikmia
“NTA – He is useless. You are right.”
“Try not to be too mad at your mom or sister.”
“They’re locked in the trap that many women find themselves in—trying to make untenable circumstances work.”
“Hopefully, your sister will divorce him.”
“Deep down she has to know you’re right, but is too busy trying to keep everything together.” ~ AlwaysAlexi777
“And some women simply don’t have the option walk away without some serious back up.”
“OP’s sister works full time, has 3 kids and a useless husband.”
“I’d be surprised if she has much time free to plan and execute leaving.”
“The fact of the matter is that no situation is as cut and dry as we’d all like to think.”
“I’m sure OP’s sister has considered (or is considering) leaving but has to consider where she and her children will live.”
“Will it be close enough to keep her job or is the commute going to be too much?”
“Will she be able to cover bills as a single parent”
“I know child support exists but will Mr Useless step up?”
“There are a myriad of issues surrounding leaving a long term relationship with children.”
“You’re right, no one should put up with this behaviour from their partner but drafting the situation as ‘Why doesn’t she just leave?'”
“is just as much of a set back and just another way to chip away at women.” ~ literate_giraffe
“Nope, nope, nope!”
“That guy needs to be kicked to the curb.”
“Seriously he needs a day off?”
“Ummm no such thing as a day off from parenting.”
“His own wife has to find a babysitter when her husband is actually home.”
“That is so absurd.”
“If he has that attitude you know that carries through to many more things.”
“He sounds like a sperm donor, not a father and husband.” ~ JuryNo7670
“People like him are the reasons men have such a bad name when it comes to parenting.”
“He was right there in the house and he was just gaming.”
“That is so infuriating to read that he considers watching his kids to be considered babysitting.”
“OP if you read this then cutting contact with them would be a good move on your part.”
“Why should you have to be a third parent into this family because the husband is useless?”
“‘You don’t know how hard it is to be a parent.'”
“Like he would know… he doesn’t even act like a parent.”
“I actually feel sorry for the sister because if that was anyone I knew and they called watching their own kids as babysitting then they would be out that door so fast and start paying child support.” ~ Prestigious_Kuro
“Your sister sucks too, OP.”
“She decided to burden you with unnecessary babysitting duties.”
“She didn’t stand up for you when you did her family a favor.”
“You snapped only after her partner rudely barked orders at you.”
“You were completely right in what you said and he kicked you out.”
“People might make the case that she’s being abused but it honestly sounds like she’s just crappy.”
“If she was at all sorry for how you were treated and wasn’t trying to use her children as a bargaining chip, I might feel differently.”
“Stick with your dad on this one. NTA.” ~ shestammie
“NTA. They’ll want you back in their lives when they need free baby sitting again.”
“I wouldn’t apologize.”
“It only reinforces the belief that he did nothing wrong and is able to get away with being an absent father.”
“Why your sister puts up with that is beyond me.”
“Don’t give her a reason to believe what she is tolerating is normal as who know what he says at home.” ~ Status-Pattern7539
OP came back with some news…
“Edit: Wow I was not expecting this response at all.”
“Thank you guys for all your comments, and to the people who messaged me *ick pics or to told me harm myself… what?”
“Why? Lol y’all are crazy.”
“For anyone who has asked, no, he does not take care of the kids normally.”
“My sister takes them to daycare during the day and then picks them up on her way home.”
“She is the breadwinner and the primary caretaker.”
A”lso, I got a few questions of ‘does she pay you?'”
“Not exactly, but she will randomly take me on expensive shopping sprees and will regularly buy things from my Amazon wishlist instead.”
“And I have no problem with this arrangement.”
“I really love those kids and don’t have an issue babysitting them, I love hanging out with them.”
“I also don’t blame my mother for her being mad at me, just because of the fact that my sisters dumba** husband texted her and apparently told her a much different version of what happened, lol.”
“He told her I was sitting on my phone the whole time being lazy and the kids kept begging me for a snack.”
“Also, I did not yell at him in front of his kids.”
“It was a private conversation.”
“I might post an update but nothing has really happened in the past day so I don’t really have much to say.”
“No one has apologized to anyone yet.”
Well OP, Reddit understands your snapping.
You’re helping to babysit, and he’s not an invaild.
It sounds like your sister may need to so some serious soul searching.
Therapy and a lawyer are only a few phone calls away.