Embarrassing your parents is generally considered a bad idea – but are there ever times when it’s totally warranted?
19-year-old Redditor “TryingToBreatheInOut” found herself at a crossroads when it came to how she handles her body-shaming parents. She turned to the AITA (“Am I The A**hole?”) subReddit to get their thoughts on a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) scenario.
“Would I be the a**hole for “emasculating” my father?”
Before we get into her story, let’s take a minute to talk about how this subReddit works.
AITA is devoted to talking about life’s “grey area” moments; those times you’re not sure if you handled something properly or if maybe you really are the bad guy.
Most of the time people talk about incidents that have already happened, but sometimes—like this time—people come to the subReddit to get thoughts on how they are considering handling something.
The original poster, or “OP”, posts their scenario. Other users comment with their opinions and votes.
Voting Options for the AITA subReddit are:
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Now that you’re caught up on how things work, let’s get back to the OP’s story.
“So for some background, my parents fat shame me a lot.”
“I’m not overweight, but my weight isn’t at the best it could be. However, I go to the gym 3x a week and try to eat healthy.”
“So earlier tonight I was eating a sandwich for dinner when my dad (66) went ‘I thought you were trying to eat healthy? You would be in better shape if you did hot yoga 3 times a week like I do.’ ”
“As someone who’s struggled a lot with my weight in the past, this really hurt, especially since he said it unprompted. I ended up going to my mom (52) about it, telling her all the progress I’ve made at the gym and how much I can lift now, etc.”
“Before I started going, I literally NEVER worked out. Now I go 3x a week.”
“I said ‘I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been’ and she straight up said ‘no you’re not’ in a condescending tone, because I haven’t lost as much weight as she’d like. But I’m so much stronger and have a lot more endurance now.”
“I came up with an idea then – I invited my mom to the gym so she could try the workouts I do with me.”
“I’ve worked for almost a year to get where I am now. Hot yoga, which my mom does too, is definitely an intense exercise, but I work out in a completely different way than what my parents do.”
“Anyway, she was down for it, but when I brought up inviting my dad too, she was super against it suddenly.”
“When I asked why, she said he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me or lift the same that I do. ‘I get that he hurt your feelings, but he used to be 2 times his current size and can’t lift as much as he thinks he can. You don’t want to emasculate him by proving his daughter is stronger than he is.’ “
“I’m like, isn’t that kind of the point? Not to hurt him, but to prove that I’m putting in the work so he stops making comments about my body and my lifestyle choices?”
“But she basically said there’s no way to win and I should just give up – which in my mind, means continue to let him fat shame me.”
“I don’t think that I would be the a**hole because if ’emasculating’ my father gets him to stop fat shaming me, then so be it.”
“So, WIBTA for supposedly ’emasculating’ my father?”
Reddit is usually pretty divided on this sort of thing, but not this time.
“You would totally be NTA if you did it, but your mother is never going to agree because she has enabled his a**hole behavior because honestly she is an a**hole too.” – la_peregrine
“Get him doing something ‘easy’ like a hike and then pretend to be puzzled that his hot yoga sessions didn’t prepare him for it! But I’m petty as f*ck and don’t care if someone is emasculated by my strength.” – PlumbersArePeopleToo
“NTA- OP you are doing a fantastic job. Your parents as you will find aren’t perfect, if this doesn’t show you clearly already.”
“They aren’t choosing words/actions that are helpful towards you. It’s a fact fat shaming causes the opposite results people want.”
“Which means, their words haven’t for a second given you the advantage/confidence you needed to succeed. That was all you, bravo!”