A person who suddenly finds themselves single after having been in a complicated relationship can either feel liberated or left dealing with many mixed emotions.
But that does not give the dejected person permission to make others uncomfortable.
Redditor AIATAFIU is a 19-year-old female who felt it was necessary to confront a friend who had recently gotten out of an “extremely toxic relationship.”
But after the fallout from the interaction, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for getting a friend kicked out of a restaurant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what led to this.
“Hi! Throwaway because my friends know my main. Also English is my second language. Apologies.”
“So, for some context. My (19f) friend (lets call him M) is super shy and came out to our friend group as gay not that long ago. We were all super supportive and had no issues.”
“Our other friend (lets call her J) was extremely excited at the time to finally have a ‘gay best friend’ even though they don’t really hang out outside of this friendship group.”
“Now, J has an extremely toxic relationship with her boyfriend and they are on and off every few weeks or so. We have all told her at some point that she should probably run but she always goes back to him. She recently broke up with him again.”
“We all went out the other day just to see each other and socialize a little. ([the virus] is not as prevalent here) During the dinner, J goes on and on about how bad her ex is and how she is so glad she has left him.”
“We are very used to this and keep on talking about our lives. At the table J and M just happened to sit next to each other and mid way through the meal, she starts flirting with M.”
“She starts talking about how handsome he is and how its ‘such a shame’ that M is gay and getting very touchy feely. E.g. Putting her hand on his thigh, touching his neck and shoulder, etc.”
“I saw M getting really uncomfortable and asked him if he was ok, to which he said no. He had already told her to stop several times by then so I called her out on it.”
“She immediately got defensive and said that it doesn’t matter because he is gay and he won’t care. When I pointed out that he was uncomfortable, she went on about how she has been feeling very depressed about her relationship and how she just wanted to have fun with someone who is not a ‘threat.'”
“The Manager saw the commotion and came up to us to see if we were ok. When I responded that J was harassing M, the Manager suggested that J leave the premises and would not be welcomed with that sort of behavior. J left the restaurant after the manager insisted.”
“Our other friends didn’t really intervene throughout this. Most of my Friend group called me an AH and left shortly after this because I made this a ‘scene’ and got J taken out even though she is going through a rough time with her boyfriend.”
“I really felt justified though because M and I are really close and she was making him very uncomfortable. AITA??”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors weighed in with their NTA judgments.
“NTA. If you switched genders and had a guy rubbing up against a girl who kept telling him to stop, and he was refusing, people would demand he be in jail.”
“She was assaulting him. He asked for your help in dealing with it. You did the absolute right thing. And her absurd reaction that because he’s gay he’s not going to care that she’s groping him is vile and dismissive of him as a human.” – Adept-One-819
“NTA she was sexually harassing/assaulting your friend. Good on you for speaking up!”
“How she’s acting is also a form of homophobia – being excited for a ‘gay best friend’ (fetishizing him, stereotyping gay men), saying it shouldn’t matter because he’s not a ‘threat’ (infantalizing him, disregard of his boundaries, basic sexism), etc.” – justobsolete
“NTA. You did the right thing. She was being blatantly homophobic and trespassing on his boundaries. Zero respect for him at all. Frankly he could file a sexual harassment report and it wouldn’t even be a lie.” – Mistake_Nutshell
“NTA. Thank you for standing up for him, too many women brush off men’s comfort simply because they’re a man.” – Lordofowls63
“NTA. She’s horrible, regardless of sexuality or ANYTHING you don’t ever keep touching someone when they say stop. She should be punished as a sexual offender. That really pisses me off.” – TonnieSue
“NTA. I’ve had a reverse situation happen where the person was gay therefore I shouldn’t care if they touched me a certain way. IT DOES NOT MATTER what sexual orientation, gender identity, or other characteristics someone has. All that matters is if the person being touched is okay with the touch period.” – Tinabird20
“NTA. You did the right thing. You were the ONLY person in your group to stand up for that poor guy.”
“What she did was sexual assault plain and simple. She should be in jail right now, not bellyaching on social media over her hurt feels. You need to find a much better class of friends.”
“These losers support sexual abusers by the looks of things. Despicable, every last one of them.” – AliciaTransmuted
The OP clarified some details in an update.
“To clarify, I didn’t say anything about his sexual orientation to the manager or anyone else. J stated this as a reason for why she felt justified for her actions.”
“I purely asked her to stop flirting with M and that he was uncomfortable. The manager already knew me and M as we go there quite regularly. So I think this would have been a reason for why the manager was so quick to kick J out.”
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole and praised her for speaking up and putting an end to a very uncomfortable situation.
They also stressed that if being flirtatious is not consensual, it is wrong to continue harassing someone, regardless of their gender or sexual identity.