A woman’s daughter is causing a little bit of an issue for her mother. Despite repeated talks, they just can’t seem to get on the same page.
Redditor imissmyspaghettipot is trying to teach her daughter to be more considerate of another’s feelings. The original poster (OP)’s daughter on the other hand thinks her mother is denigrating their natural biological functions.
OP is having trouble seeing her daughter’s point of view and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some perspective.
The poster asked the internet:
“AITA for telling my daughter to stop boiling her menstrual cups in the spaghetti pot?”
Mom and daughter are really at odds on the situation:
“I (43F) am a single mother of twin girls, both 15. I’ve been using menstrual cups for about ten years, so I taught my girls to use them too, because they are much cheaper to replace once a year than buying tampons.”
“I have a special pot I bought from a thrift store for boiling the menstrual cups in, because I don’t want to boil those things in pots I cook in. I just think its nasty.”
“One of my daughters understands this, but one of the girls thinks I’m just ‘being a germaphobe’ and that I’m ‘scared of women’s bodies’ but idk, I wouldn’t want to eat out of a pot used to boil used condoms, either, does that make me crazy??”
“And the worst part is, the pot she’s been using is my favorite spaghetti pot, one my grandfather gave to me. I obviously can’t throw it out, but I don’t want to use it anymore and I am upset.”
“I miss my spaghetti pot.”
OP just wants to be able to use her family pot in peace, but her daughter doesn’t want to be shamed for boiling her menstrual cups.
To find out if OP is wrong, the AITA board passes judgment on her actions.
The other Redditors did this by including one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It was agreed that OP wasn’t overreacting. She provided a pot to boil and clean the cups, and has asked her daughter to not use one specific, sentimental pot.
The daughter may be right that with all the cleaning, it’s not really going to affect anything, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t at least respect her mom’s wishes when it comes to her grandfather’s pot.
OP is NTA for asking her daughter to use the other pot.
“She’s right that you aren’t ‘getting period germs’ all over your spaghetti.”
“But it seems like there’s no reason to use that pot if it makes you uncomfortable, except to piss you off. She’s doing it to mess with you, not because there’s something inherently better about that pot.” – Usrname52
“Perception is a thing, would you wear socks after I wipe my a** with them, even if they were thoroughly washed?”
“No, (at least most people), would throw out the socks, it’s normal not to want bodily fluids in your cookware, and kid needs a harsh lesson in boundaries and property rights.” – ManicLyn
“NTA. There is nothing unreasonable with your request. I think it is time to have a talk about boundaries, and why the spaghetti pot is important to you.”
“It’s not the pot. It is the memory’s associated with the pot. I have a rolling pin from my grandmother. I use to watch her make her pie’s, and help. Learning things from scratch.”
“My grandmother is 98, I am 37. The rolling pin is a rolling pin to someone else. To me however, it is sooo much more.” – SonofApollo1984
“NTA- yes, you’re overthinking it, there’s no reason to think you have any residue leftover if it’s washed well, (how many people leave dishes out until mold is on them but once they’re washed no one thinks twice about using them).”
“But you do provide a specific pot to use, and the only reason not to is to deliberately get under your skin. Particularly if she knows the meaning this pot has for you, this sounds intentional since you’ve brought it up more than once.”
“Your daughter is purposely being an a**hole, is what I’m saying.”
“If she’s a minor, she should be punished if she continues to go out of her way to be disrespectful. Honestly, maybe I’m being too harsh, but if she’s not willing to respect you and your things, I would consider taking the cup away from her and supply bulky pads instead, so she has to deal with that and/or use her own money to buy another cup or tampons.”
“If she’s not a minor, maybe make it known to her that she’s old enough to live with roommates, and can do what she likes when not under your roof, but she needs to stop disrespecting your things or she can make preparations to live somewhere else.” – Ruckus_Riot
While it’s understandable why, despite the pot being perfectly cleaned, someone wouldn’t want to use the pot, it’s also important to point out that there is likely nothing wrong with the pot either.
OP might be overreacting a bit, but it’s her family’s pot. She’s allowed to.
However, the topic led to some really weird comparisons.
“NTA. Take a crap in her pillow, do a simple washing and ask her if she would use it again.” – moroco1829
“I think it’s gross too, but that’s an insane comparison? Those aren’t even close to the same thing. Fecal matter can be dangerous, period blood is just blood and endometrial tissue..” – eleanor-rigby-
“I think your disgust is at best illogical, as boiling water is going to get rid of anything problematic, but on the other hand it’s your pot and you get to decide how it’s used. NTA, but maybe try to loosen up a bit.” – ThePlatypusOfDespair
“I agree on both counts. The cup gets washed first in soap and water, the water is boiling before it even gets put in (so the cup never touches the pot, just boiling water), and… the water is boiling.”
“I don’t blame the daughter for thinking it’s not a big deal. I guess I don’t blame OP for wanting it done her way, and the daughter should listen because they do have a particular system, but it isn’t gross like people think.” – rustblooms
“So if I pee in a cup. Wash it and then serve you water from it, you knowing I used it to pee in, you’d be happy to drink from it?” – NorthernPop
OP needs to sit her daughter down and explain the boundaries of other people’s property. She’s been provided a perfectly fine pot to use for cleaning, and doesn’t need to use her mom’s favorite.
It really does seem at this point to be some kind of rebellion, but it might be that she wants a pot separate from her sister’s. It might be a good idea to get a second thrift store pot, or even save up for a personal steamer.