There's nothing more annoying than when someone asks you for your opinion and then ignores it or else insults you for it. It's like, "You asked!" This is especially true on something that is fictional, like the plot of a movie or the cinematography of a television show.
Redditor wednesdaysukasa found herself in this annoying dilemma where a friend, who bought her a book she wanted to read, was upset and insulted her after she shared that she did not actually enjoy the book as much as she thought.
Wondering if she should have just not said anything, she went to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" or "AITA" for objective feedback from strangers on what would have best handled the situation:
"AITA for sharing my honest opinion about a book?"
Our original poster, or OP, shared the situation as it started:
"This happened a bit ago but is eating at me. For my birthday, I (17) got a two book set from my good friend, who we will call K."
"These books were very popular at my school, and as a big reader, I had expressed interest in reading the books."
"My birthday came and K gave me the books and I was super excited. I wrote them a thank you note telling them I was looking forward to reading them, and as I was reading the first book I again told K that I was thankful they had got me the book."
"However, I didn't actually enjoy the book. The writing was good and the characters were well decent, however the storyline seemed forced and predictable. I didn't say anymore about the book and forgot about it."
The book came up in front of K later:
"A few months after, in a class where K sits next to me, the people behind me were discussing the book and asked if I read it."
"I said I had, and they asked my opinion. I said while the writing was good, and I was glad I read the book, it wasn't my favorite book."
"They asked why, as they liked the book a lot, and I explained my point of view about the storyline and the characters while also saying I was glad I read it and that I understood why people liked it so much, yet it just wasn't for me."
K was upset that OP levied this criticism against the book:
"After class, K pulled me aside and told me I was a b*tch for saying the book wasn't my favorite, especially since it was a gift from them."
"I told K that I appreciated the gift and I was glad I was able to read the book, but I wasn't going to lie about my opinions of the book."
"K called me an a**hole and said I was ungrateful and showing disrespect for the gift they got me. They ended up saying that I was an ungrateful liar who didn't appreciate the things I was given."
"I feel bad about sharing my opinion of the book because it clearly hurt K, as their behavior after became hostile for a while."
"They have moved on they claim, but it has still gotten brought up and used against me. I am honestly wondering if I AITA here? I want to know so in the future I don't make the same mistakes."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
People agreed that OP did nothing wrong, and furthermore that what K did was outright mean.
"NTA. Enjoyment is completely subjective and if you stated your opinion as you wrote it here, your friend has no reason to be angry."
"It was a fair assessment of your feelings on the book. You didn't bash it, or say anything that could be construed as disrespectful."
"Your friend is probably a huge fan and is angry that you don't like it as much as them. They are being the a**hole here."-Affectionate-Area659
"K is definitely TA here for taking OP's comments so personally. What should have been a simple difference of opinion about a book series has been turned by K into a personal attack on her by OP and an insult on her gift giving."
"It's extremely immature to expect someone to tell you that they love a book to death, when they don't, just because you gave it to them as a gift."
"OP was never insulting the gift per se and was originally excited to receive it."
"Just because she didn't personally love it doesn't mean that K isn't allowed to love it any more, or that her taste in literature is subject to question, only that they have different tastes. K needs to get over herself."-Far_Administration41
"I teach literature and I love books. But taste and connection are significant things—not every book appeals to every reader."
"And all readers are better for that fact. If every 'good' book connected with all readers, the literary conversation would be vapid indeed."
"Countless factors are involved with falling in love with a book, as affinity for a given text can change with age and circumstance, regardless of how 'great' others think the work."
"Read what you like and love what resonates with you, while allowing others the same volition. NTA"-punania
"NTA K got you some books you expressed interest in, you were polite and thanked them, read them and then gave your honest opinion on them. You have done nothing wrong."
"K has taken this unnecessarily personally, you were appreciative of the gift, you read it and gained something from doing it."
"To expect it to be your favourite book just because they gifted it to you is some major Ego on Ks part."-articanomaly
People noted that books are inherently subjective and therefore disagreements over quality of the book are not uncommon.
"NTA. I'm a voracious reader and my wife will end up buying me books several times through the year and she knows I might not like some of them."
"Books are such a subjective medium; you may not like the prose, the language, characters or the length. Being honest about it shows that you respect the person enough to tell them the truth."-traceitalian
"NTA. As much as I'd like every present I get someone to be something they love, that's just not possible and that they don't like it as much as I'd hoped doesn't take away from my attempt to get them something they'd love at all."
"At least knowing that it wasn't for them would let me have a better idea what might work or not as a present in the future."
"K is taking this very weirdly."-Dreams-in-the-Rain
"Hahahaha. NTA. I saw Twilight movie before I read the book. I didn't love it, favourite scene was the baseball game."
"My bestie who I saw the film with, decided to buy me the series. It wasn't even a special occasion for me."
"I was NOT impressed. And eventually told her, I only like parts of the books, and I don't know what to do about it. So she said give them away, or donate them to the library."
"It took a few weeks but I gave them to an acquaintance who was waxing lyrical over them. My bestie was NOT mad."-LurkerToPoster100
"NTA 17yo and your friend is angry that her gift isn't considered 'the bestest thing ever in the whole wide world forever and ever. Amen'?!?"
"She needs to grow TF up! Every gift you receive cannot be 'your favorite' therefore every gift you give cannot be someone else's 'favorite.'"
"The next time your friend uses this against you, whip out your device, bring her here to this AITA reddit and let her read how objective strangers believe SHE IS THE AH!"-The_Final_Analysis
And that K's response was immature and unnecessary.
"You were kinder than me. 😁 Quite a few years back there was a book superhyped. I love to read and said my coworkers that I wanted to borrow from the library but it was constantly out."
"They surprised me with it form my Bday. (we celebrated each other's bday as a collective)."
"Later on they asked how I liked it, and without thought I said it was in interesting/intriguing idea in a 3rd rate book."
"NTA, just because it was a gift and she happens to like it does not mean you have to too."-Anduci
"NTA Wtf is wrong with K? You made it clear you appreciated the gift. Books are not usually written to cater to everyone's tastes."
"They're subjective and everyone is entitled to their opinion. In fact, some authors encourage the constructive criticism so that they can understand why some people didn't like their books."
"K was unreasonable for expecting you to love the book. And for calling you a b****h. Sounds like K is more bitter about what they saw as an insult to their taste. That's not your fault. You read it."
"That's better than just assuming you won't like a book you were gifted and letting it sit. You did nothing wrong and were able to justify your distaste of the book very eloquently."-cruelimay
"Uhhhh NTA for sure. This K got way too personal over a book. I mean sure, I can understand the feeling where you buy something for someone and they end up not liking it.
"I bought my best friend Battlefield V on pre-order...... Yeah ouch. And it's soul crushing, but I wouldn't act out against you in the same way like that."
"And a genuinely fair and reasonable response from you to be honest."-cannedrex2406
"NTA - even reading books that aren't as well written can be enjoyable at times and it's not like you said you HATED the books, just that you gave your valid opinions for a reasonable critique and said they aren't your favorite."
"People should NOT be calling out others for having a difference of opinions."
"I am a huge HORROR fan, and majority of my book collection consists of horrors, but I would NOT be offended if anyone says for any reason why they don't like any of the books I've enjoyed."
"You are allowed to have different favorites from your friends, and your FRIEND is an AH if they think otherwise."-EvocativeEnigma
It's hard when your friends don't like something you love, but it is unfortunately the way of the world.
We all need to have a variety of tastes so that art can be produced for all people. Without variety, conversation surrounding art wouldn't exist.
And it's certainly not worth calling your friends names over.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.