We all need help sometimes.
The problem is what to do when someone needs help because of their own choices.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) The-final-cookie when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to pay for my friend for our group vacation?”
OP began with a bit of background.
“So I am in a friend group of 5 (age between 20-25) we all have retail jobs while we finish school for our different majors.”
“For about 2 years now we have all been saving to take a nice vacation to Tulum (Mexico).”
“Now my friend (I’ll call her Mary) quit her job about 2 months ago due to scheduling reasons.”
“When she quit I asked her if she would be dipping into her vacation savings, so we could postpone it until she got a new job.”
“She said no that her mom was supportive of her taking a vacation with us and that her mom would help her out for a while.”
“We all continued saving and about 2 weeks ago we started buying plane tickets, making hotel reservations and making the itinerary.”
“Just to put it out there during these past 2 months Mary has been spending a lot of money on concerts and artist merch. She would say that her mom was paying for all of this and that she was still going on vacation with us.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Yesterday we had a little meeting to make sure we all bought our plane tickets and to plan a date to go out to buy what we would need (mainly clothes) Mary then asked ‘so who has my plane ticket?'”
“We were all very confused, she then dropped the bomb on us and told us that her mom made her pay back all of the concert tickets and merch because she didn’t know how much Mary was actually spending on this.”
“After paying her mom back,Mary was left with $450.”
“This wasn’t even enough for the round-trip plane tickets.”
“She then said ‘if you guys divide up my room and plane cost between the 4 of y’all it would only come out to about $675 for each one.’”
“I right away said no, that those $675 could be used towards souvenirs and anything I would buy in Mexico.”
“My three other friends said that they could see if their parents could lend them the money because they really wanted Mary to come.”
“Everyone is calling me selfish b*tch that doesn’t care for Mary and that wants to ruin the vacation.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Many pointed out that Mary’s issue was self-inflicted.
“NTA, and lol at ‘it’s only $675 extra for each of you’. I mean, really!”
“Sucks for her if she can’t come, but it’s entirely her own fault.” ~ Jaded_Cryptographer
“Especially since this is something they’ve *all* been saving for for months (years?) off of their retail jobs.”
“We’re not talking about trust fund kids with money to blow or people with established, stable careers.”
“Mary made decisions expecting zero consequences (quitting her job, going to concerts, spending money on merch to the tune of thousands of dollars apparently).”
“And when her mom gave her consequences, she expected her friends to shoulder them instead of taking responsibility for them herself” ~ Wynfleue
“And y’all have been planning and saving for 2 years.”
“She couldn’t go 2 months without blowing all her savings?”
“She chose the experiences she wanted and will now miss out on this experience in Mexico. She was having a great time while everyone else worked and saved. I’d say it’s pretty fair honestly” ~
Hour-Vast1207
“Not sure If im just oblivious to what a typical tulum vacation costs, but 2700$ for flight/accomodation for a single person seems to be pretty high.”
“On another Note:”
“Blowing through all your saved money, knowing you have planned a vacation with your friend group and then expecting them to bankroll your entire share, short of whatever will be spent during the stay itself, is incredibly selfish.”
“And id really think about what kind of people your ‘Friends’ are for calling YOU the selfish one in this situation NTA” ~ ottonormalverraucher
Others pointed out the entitled nature of the request.
“Yeah, and your friends are asking their parents to supply the $675.”
“Mary’s mom already figured out she’s been used and isn’t supplying/allowing herself to be used any more.”
“So it’s all on Mary’s friends and friends’ parents.🙄 Mary doesn’t have any shame at all!”
“This is entitlement to the max!” ~ CrazyForHistory
“This! She took advantage of her mother’s generosity and now she’s trying to do the same to her friends, with apparently no plans to pay them back.”
“This is not how friends behave.”
“I was in a wedding once where another bridesmaid had been this kind of friend to the bride since they met in college.”
“She asked me, and each other bridesmaid, to lend her money for the Bachelorette party, drinks, her hotel, her hair, etc etc etc.”
“No one was willing to help her out each time since none of us knew her except in passing, so she kept asking the bride, as well as the bride’s mother.”
“Including the morning of the wedding.”
“This is after she bought 4x as much alcohol as she was asked to purchase for the shower, took home all the extra, and then asked everyone to reimburse her.”
“This is the kind of friend you have. Don’t let it be one of your wedding days before yall put your feet down.~ restlsdreamr
Commenters were concerned about the effect on the trip.
“Yep, Mary will ruin this vacation and this friendship.”
“If your other friends want to cover her, that’s their choice, but you are not obligated to pay for someone who is financially irresponsible. NTA” ~ shopgirl2
“Yep, I might advocate for them not doing so, because by the time it’s over there will be all kinds of tension over paying for her food, admission, etc. It’s likely to spoil the trip.” ~ ScarletDarkstar
Some called out the whole friend-group,
“Yeah no way $675 per person is a lot of money.”
“Maybe $100 but for them to cover that much for her is ridiculous. Is she even going to like pay them back afterwards?”
“If your friends can’t respect your decision and that not everyone has money I would get new friends.”
“There’s no need to call you names just because you wouldn’t cover for her.”
“Also Mary sounds entitled as hell if she was wasting money away before the vacation.”
“I’m sure she’ll make everyone pay for more things on vacation.”
“Don’t fall for it if she was a real friend she would feel bad everyone was paying that much for her and stay home.” ~ Ilovelotso88
“The gall of all of them honestly”
“’Oh you don’t have your ticket? Sure let’s ask our parents! OP, you’re good to pay $650 to pitch in right? What? Money actually means something in your life? A**hole!”’
“All of these people are so completely out of touch. OP needs new friends.” ~ Ehgender
“Seriously, this whole group needs to get the ax because even if they hadn’t verbally attacked the poster, they are so inconsiderate looking at their parents is just Piggy banks.”
“These are not people worth keeping around” ~ JCBashBash
Commenters didn’t believe Mary expected this to be a loan either.
“It sounds like the Mary has zero intentions of paying anyone back.”
“Notice that she just flat-out said, ‘Who has my plane ticket?'”
“Not a WORD about borrowing money from them to pay for everything.”
“And the friends are stupid if they are willing to try and ‘borrow’ money from their parents in order to pay Mary’s way.”
“And unless the parents are also stupid, they aren’t going to pay for someone else’s trip while their own kid is paying for herself.”
“There is no way in Hell that I would subsidize someone else’s vacation simply because they made bad choices and spent all of their own vacation fund.”
“OP, is NTA.” ~ bb3244
“You can just split it 4 ways, I already did the maths, its only $675! You’d only waste that money on souvenirs and stuff, so spend it on me instead!”
“Lol, Mary knows what Mary is doing.”
“I wouldn’t back down. How is Mary planning on repaying you/their parents? Is even planning to repay you?”
“Your not selfish, your being realistic.”
“Mary can no longer afford the holiday. If they/their parents want to pay for Mary to go then that’s fine, they can do that, but you don’t have to and I wouldn’t.”
“And this is just the flights and room, can Mary afford what’s been planned?”
“Any excursions? Food? Drinks? Cos $450 might sound like a lot of money, but when adding what else is planned, its possibly not going to stretch.”
“NTA.”
“ETA:”
“if your friends think you’re selfish for not giving Mary what’s essentially a free holiday, then you need better friends.”
“You’ve all worked and saved for this while Mary blew through hers, that’s not your problem.” ~ HunterDangerous1366
While we do all need the occasional helping hand, we have to remember that our choices follow us and that consequences aren’t someone else’s responsibility.