Childcare is a serious concern.
And an expensive one.
It’s an especially difficult issue when it comes to newborns.
A lot of parents would love to save any amount of time and money not having to deal with childcare.
Though a few other parents… maybe feel differently.
Case in point…
Redditor Odd-Source-853 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“WIBTA if I used part of my paternity leave to visit my family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have been arguing about this for weeks and she suggested I post here.”
“My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with our first child.”
“We have been discussing how to use our family leave.”
“Each of us get 8 weeks of family leave to be used within the first year of the baby’s life.”
“My wife is planning on taking her whole 8 weeks right when the baby is born.”
“She thinks that I should take 2 weeks when the baby is born and 6 weeks when she goes back to work so that we don’t need to put the kid in childcare until he’s 14 weeks old.”
“The issue is that I want to use 2 weeks of my paternity leave to visit my family who live out of state so I don’t have to use vacation days.”
“I gave her two options…”
“I can spend 6 weeks with the baby when she goes back to work but I won’t take the first 2 weeks off.”
“I can take 2 weeks off when the baby is born and then 4 weeks off when she goes back to work.”
“This is my preference.”
“My wife says this is unacceptable and that I’m prioritizing my family over her and the baby.”
“I disagree.”
“I don’t think it makes much of a difference if the baby starts daycare at 12 or 14 weeks.”
“I only get to see my family once or twice a year since they moved out of state and I think this is a good opportunity to do so without it impacting our vacation time.”
“I think her dislike of my family is affecting her logic and that, if they got along better, she would be fine with this arrangement.”
“Plus, lots of men don’t take paternity leave and their families manage.”
“I’m still dedicating 6 weeks to the baby so we will have plenty of bonding time.”
“AITA or is she being unreasonable?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Paternity leave is meant for you to be with the baby, not go on vacation. WTF?
“Why women have babies with men like you is beyond me.” ~ onedayatatime08
“As a woman who’s EX husband would have done something like this.”
“We just don’t see it in the moment and are told on repeat our standards are too high.”
“I get it.”
“Hopefully OP will listen and do the right thing.” ~ Due-Paramedic8532
“He’s an AH for wanting to use paternity leave to go on vacation, no question.”
“He is a giant AH for planning a 2 week vacation and leaving his wife alone to deal with their newborn!”
“Or expecting the wife to miss more work and travel with a young baby.”
“Either way, it’s awful.”
“Also I love his solutions.”
“I take 2 weeks off to support you and our baby after what is a traumatic experience at the best of times.”
“Then give you a bit more time once you have healed up enough to have hopefully stopped bleeding all the time and can go back to work.”
“But I still get my vacation.”
“You get to deal with all the post birth, new baby issues by yourself.”
“I’ll give a little more time once you have hopefully stopped bleeding and go back to work.”
“But I still get my vacation.”
“I’m hoping she dumps him after he’s booked all his travel plans, then uh-oh!”
“No more paternity leave!” ~ Shibaspots
“I don’t have kids, so this is just an observation.”
“But I’ve seen a lot of men get heaps of praise for just spending time with their kids at all, or doing really basic parenting stuff that women are just expected to do.”
“And I can see how some women might not realize their partner is that bad if the bar is set that low.”
“And I’m guessing a lot of us were raised by parents who modeled those expectations as well.”
“Edit: And I forgot this – YTA.” ~ EverywhereButHome
“Absolute fact. Spot on observation.”
“My father was well above bar on participation but my ex husband was surrounded by like minded peers.”
“It was easy to feel like I was asking too much.”
“My daughter (12 F[emale]) sees right through it.”
“She has sworn off having children and thinks that mere menstrual cycles make life unfair to women.”
“The first words out of her mouth when getting her first period were ‘I’m so glad I’m with you. Daddy wouldn’t know what to do with all this blood. He would freak out!”'”
“Tides are changing.”
“But… and she and I discuss this often… it’s unfair to expect men to understand the things they don’t experience if we don’t communicate them.”
“My hope is that OP is open minded enough to take some of this into consideration.” ~ Due-Paramedic8532
“YTA, paternity leave is to take care of your newborn child.”
“Abusing it to take a vacation is simply horrible.”
“Did you not think if you get caught, you could risk getting fired.” ~ Ditzyshine
“He’s the guy that somehow is sick three days in a row when that’s exactly how much sick time he has, then comes back to work with a new tan in the middle of winter.”
“And he’s the reason when you are violently ill, your boss wants proof you’re actually sick.”
“Paternity leave isn’t just bonus vacation time.”
“It time to take care of your new kid!”
“Abusing the system makes it harder for everyone to use it. OP, YTA.”
“And if his wife directed him here to be flayed, she knows it too.” ~ Shibaspots
“No need to pit workers against workers.”
“If an employee’s benefits include X number of sick days, they are entitled to use all of those days before any questions are asked.”
“OP is 100% the a**hole here—not for scamming his job, but for scamming his wife out of having an equal partner.” ~ witchsoap
“It might be more work for the wife having him around.”
“I have serious doubts as to OP taking on household chores and baby care so that the wife can rest and recover.”
“He will expect her to cook and clean.”
“He won’t get up for nighttime feedings.”
“The most he will do is wake her from a deep exhausted sleep and say the baby is crying.”
“Then he will roll over and go back to sleep.”
“OP, YTA. But you still have a few more months to acknowledge this and step up.” ~ Ok-Cap-204
“Not that he should do it anyway because, holy crap if my husband left me alone with a newborn, we’d have some serious trouble.”
“But why does he need TWO whole weeks to visit his family??”
“They are out of state, not across the world.”
“It’s like extra a-hole points for being greedy and taking the second week.”
“WTF, OP?!?! YTA.” ~ CaRazyCartoon
“YTA. It’s not just starting daycare at 12 weeks.”
“It’s leaving your wife behind with a newborn all by herself on top of working, while you go relax with your family.”
“THAT is a seriously a**hole move.”
“You are clearly clueless about how draining having a baby is.”
“If you go, you might come back to changed locks and divorce papers.” ~ lynypixie
“Exactly this.”
“My friend had an emergency C-section last year and a majority of her husband’s paternity leave was spent taking care of the baby and mama as she recovered from surgery.”
“OP, YTA and have zero consideration for what your wife will be dealing with after giving birth.”
“You don’t get to just up and leave her literally bleeding, not sleeping, taking care of a newborn while you visit your family.”
“I wonder what his boss would think of his misuse of paternity leave if they got wind of his complete and utter neglect of his wife and newborn child.”
“That is literally what vacation time is for.”
“You should be grateful you even get vacation time, and even then you should use that time to give your wife a break from chores and baby duties.”
“What a d**k move.” ~ two-of-me
“This needs to be way higher up!”
“That was my first thought reading through this.”
“Generally family comes to you when you have a baby because they are excited and want to meet the new family member.”
“Is your whole family full of AHs?”
“Why isn’t anyone in the family coming to see the new baby?”
“Also why isn’t anyone in the family against you leaving your newborn and postpartum wife for 2 weeks of vacation?”
“OP boy are YTA big time.” ~ Hehaditcomin77
“YTA. Unless you’re planning on taking the baby with you when you go visit your family.”
“Oh, and maybe your wife can go too?”
“Nice try to get out of parenting a young baby for a whole FORTNIGHT, leaving your wife to cope completely alone back home.”
“Disgusting AH move.” ~ Infusion-delusion
Well OP, Reddit is not with you here.
Your time is your time, but you may want to rethink how you’re planning on spending it.
Sounds like you may need another chat with the wife.
Good luck.