Throwing an intimate birthday gathering can be a tad stressful.
If you have to cap the number of guests, there are going to be people left out.
Also, sometimes there are event details that don’t work for others.
Maybe the party is at a bar, and people who don’t drink will feel uncomfortable.
There are tons of variables that impact the guest list.
Hurt feelings can just be inevitable collateral damage.
Redditor OkAdhesiveness6410 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for wanting steak on my birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I invited a few work friends and some non-work friends to my birthday party.”
“It was a small party, just nine people in total.”
“I didn’t invite one of my colleagues because I knew he was a vegetarian, and I was worried he wouldn’t enjoy it.”
“Coincidentally, another colleague accidentally told him about the party.”
“He then asked me outright if he could come.”
“They had vegetarian options, salads, and appetizers, so there would be some things he could eat.”
“At the last minute, he changed his mind, saying he didn’t want to spend money at any restaurant that sold any meat. “
“He then accused me of deliberately choosing a steakhouse, saying it was basically a plan to get rid of him.”
“I mean, it was my birthday, and it’s my money, so I should be able to choose how I want to spend it.”
“He chose not to spend his money at the steakhouse, even after asking me, and even after I informed him that there would be vegetarian options for him to eat.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for wanting to eat something even if it meant someone had to sit out?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m a vegetarian.”
“If I had a problem with other people eating meat or being around meat, I wouldn’t join them for a meal.”
“I certainly wouldn’t ask to attend.”
“I would never assume that others’ choosing to eat meat was an intentional scheme to exclude me!”
“What an ego this guy has!” ~ swillshop
“NTA- That’s so wild to criticize a party you weren’t even originally invited to.”
“Even if you didn’t want him there and he was right about what you were doing, you have the right to have YOUR party the way YOU want it, people and place.”
“And if it was that much of an issue, he should have said something outright instead of flaking at the last minute and causing a scene.” ~ Kukumber_Koi
“My son’s G[irl]F[riend] is currently dealing with this kind of thing.”
“She’s about to have her 18th birthday party, and there is a kid at her school who isn’t well-liked.”
“She didn’t invite him (plenty of other people were not invited either).”
“Someone else mentioned the party in front of him, and he asked to come.”
“The poor girl didn’t feel she could say no, and it’s since escalated to the original person telling him he wasn’t invited and shouldn’t come, the kid asking again if it’s ok to come, and the poor birthday girl feeling torn between not wanting to hurt his feelings, but also knowing other guests at the party will be uncomfortable with him being there, especially as this kid attaches himself mostly to her closest friend group.”
“She just wanted to have a birthday party, and now she’s all caught up in this moral dilemma, and her party will definitely have the vibe affected, whatever she does.” ~ regus0307
“Completely agree, man.”
“The flaking last minute and then making accusations is what gets me.”
“Seen enough workplace drama to know when someone’s projecting their own issues.”
“Your birthday, your call on the venue.”
“He had options, but chose to make it about principles instead.” ~ ApexIdol_K
“NTA. Get the food you wanna get on your birthday.”
“If you’re a vegetarian and you don’t wanna eat meat, I’ll respect that.”
“If you tell me I can’t have meat, I’ll have a hot dog eating contest on your front lawn.”
“This person is overstepping.” ~ BMal_Suj
“NTA for picking a steakhouse.”
“YTA for not inviting him just because he’s vegetarian.”
“As you said, they have other options.”
“He’s really upset because you purposely didn’t invite him due to his life choice.” ~ Adventurous-Mind-780
“This is where I land.”
“I’m assuming OP doesn’t really like the vegetarian in the first place.”
“Otherwise, they would have at least invited them.”
“‘Hey, I’ve decided to have my birthday party at a steakhouse because I love the place. I checked, and they do have vegetarian options. I’d love for you to come, but I totally understand if you don’t want to go.'”
“That’s not that hard.”
“The vegetarian was wrong to blame his choice of restaurants, but either he is right about OP not liking him or OP inadvertently made it seem they don’t like him.” ~ StaticShakyamuni
“Sounds like OP purposely didn’t invite him because he has a habit of using his personal dietary choices to shame and coerce other people into conforming to his beliefs.”
“I have had coworkers whom I have shared meals with for years and never so much as noticed they were plant-based or mostly plant-based until much later.”
“I think a lot of people have had the opposite, where a vegetarian they know is rude, judgmental, self-righteous, etc.”
“I would invite the former along anywhere that wouldn’t be wildly insensitive- I wouldn’t invite the latter to a salad-making party.”
“It has everything to do with his ‘life choices’… the choice to be judgmental of non-vegetarians eating a lot at a steakhouse, for example.” ~ supermassivepanda
“Personally, I’d be a little wary of inviting a known vegetarian to my birthday at a steakhouse, especially if I didn’t know whether or not they’re vegetarian because they’re strongly against killing animals for their meat.”
“I’ve read way too many scenarios where the vegetarian went off on someone offering them something with meat in it, when the original person didn’t even know they were vegetarian in the first place.”
“It’s a very touchy situation sometimes.” ~ kikazztknmz
“NTA. Your birthday, your choice.”
“That’s like ordering a pizza for the office with sausage because it’s a popular topping, and someone accusing you of leaving them out because they don’t like it.” ~ Acceptable_Smell9277
“NTA. He got his testicles all in a tizzy about not being invited to a restaurant he doesn’t even wanna eat at.”
“If he doesn’t like the restaurant choice, he can go pout in a corner with the drama llama he rode in on.” ~ Ok_Scarcity545
“This. It’s beyond immature to get upset when you’re not invited to a coworker’s small birthday dinner, especially when they’re doing an activity you do not like.”
“Good grief, people are so socially brittle these days.” ~ wrongclown
“NTA – You replied elsewhere that it was only a couple of people from work, then mostly family and friends, and you didn’t invite him initially because he’s vegetarian (and you guessed correctly that he wasn’t going to want to go).”
“It’s your birthday, and you can ask who you would like, but he confronted you about it, and when you said ok, he could come, but then he said no for the exact reason you didn’t invite him, and then, in centering your choice of venues, it’s about you wanting to exclude him.”
“I think you probably had a better birthday without him.” ~ buck_godot
NTA He’s incredibly entitled to think what you want to eat on your birthday is purely down to excluding him. You didn’t choose steak to exclude him; you chose it because you wanted to eat it. He didn’t even know he was being excluded until a coworker slipped up.” ~ ChaiGreenTea
“NTA, as a vegetarian, I would’ve liked to at least have been invited and given the option if that was the only reason for excluding (however, you don’t have to invite him just because you’re inviting others).”
“I’ve had to go to events with family and close friends for birthdays or whatever, and even if I can’t choose the restaurant, I always try to find something small I can eat, even if only an appetizer.”
“For example, a while back I went to Hooters with family (most definitely not my choice), some locations not local to me have veggie wings, mine doesn’t, but looking online, I couldn’t find a yes or no answer.’
“So I looked online and found a few options that could hold me over until I could get a real meal.”
‘I opted for loaded tots, no bacon which weren’t bad, but yeah, NTA.” ~ PimpDaddyXXXtreme
“NTA… But maybe you should have explained to your vegetarian friend first when you were inviting people, rather than them finding out later from other colleagues.”
“It’s your birthday, you get to do what you want, but if you had been a little more direct with them, maybe some hurt feelings could have been avoided.”
“It seems like you care about their feelings, so that’s the only reason why I mention this.” ~ bucketofuckery
“NTA for choosing where and what you want to eat on your birthday.”
“Your colleague sounds as though he’s upset because you didn’t give him an invitation in the first place.”
“That I can sort of see – it’s hard (even if we’re grown-ups) to see the entire rest of the team go for a fun evening when you are excluded.”
“Did you say that you were having a party, but it was at a steakhouse, and did he want to come anyway, or just assume he wouldn’t be interested and just not invite him?”
“It doesn’t make him less petty, but it does make him more understandable if it’s the second.” ~ RevRos
“NTA, he just wanted to be difficult.”
“It’s your birthday, they had options, and he proved you right about why you didn’t want to invite him.” ~ Throwawaylife1984
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your co-worker sounds like a lot.
They are making your special day about them.
You can host your party wherever and however you want.