We often find our relationship with food changing on a daily basis.
Sometimes, we simply find that we lose our taste for a food we once couldn’t eat enough of.
Other times, we might find ourselves becoming more conscious of our health or the environment, and decide to eliminate certain ingredients from our diet as a result.
Redditor kyraj5 recently came came to one of those realizations, resulting in a strict and immediate change to her diet.
A change which the original poster (OP) included her husband and daughter in as well, choosing to only prepare meals for them which followed this new diet’s guidelines.
A change which the OP’s husband was not at all appreciative of.
Wondering if she was being unfair to him, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for stopping cooking my husband meat?”
The OP explained how her refusal to cook her husband certain ingredients led to some unrest in their household.
“I’m 29 my husband is 34.”
“We have an 5 month old daughter.”
“I have decided I want to become a veggie mainly for environmental reasons.”
“I’ve been considering doing this for some time as I think meat production has a hugely negative effect.”
“Having our daughter has made me a bit more eco conscious as I am afraid of the world she’ll live in in the future.”
“I’ve been trying to reduce the meat in my diet for some time.”
“My husband doesn’t want to do this and complains every time I cook a meatless meal.”
“I am a SAHM at and cook almost all of our meals.”
“I’ve told him I don’t want to cook meat anymore and that if he wants to eat meat then he can cook it himself and that he is lucky I am cooking for him everyday whatever I cook.”
“However he says that I should also at least cook meat and add this to the meal for him.”
“He says I can’t force him to change his diet and eat less meat but I say that I’m not as he can still cook him meat.”
“He says it is unfair on him to force this major lifestyle change on him.”
“And he thinks I am being hypocritical and petty not cooking meat anymore when I’ve eaten it all my life.”
“He thinks it is silly me not cooking meat for him if he is going to do it later, as I am just saving him from cooking meat and the amount of meat cooked will be the same so he thinks the only result in this is me not doing something nice for him.”
“But I think doing that would be a massive inconvenience for me and also it defeats the purpose of me becoming veggie in the first place.”
“I do kinda understand his point of view.”
“He also is unhappy that I plan to cook veggie meals for our daughter and thinks it is unfair to force her into being a vegetarian but again i don’t think I am as I don’t plan on stopping her eating meat in school etc.”
“Just wondering what y’all think about this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided on where they believed the OP fell in her decision not to cook her husband or daughter meat.
Some felt that she had done absolutely nothing wrong, as she had made it clear that her husband could still cook and prepare meat if he wanted to.
“Holy heck NTA.”
“She is still cooking him a meal y’all so the ‘division of labour’ argument makes no sense.”-enneseven
“At all.”- NoSuspect3688
“So many people are saying ‘you agreed to this division of labor so therefore you must stick to it for the rest of your life exactly as is!’ or some version of that.”
“Honestly those people suck.”
“You are allowed to want to make a change in your life.”
“And if you need to change the division of labor to make this more fair, just switch roles.”
“Does he sweep?”
“Maybe takeover sweeping so he can have time to cook his meat.”
“Something like that.”
“My mom did this exact same thing to my dad and they had no problem with it.”
“Why, because they are two grown-a** adults.”
“My dad just grills his meat outside now and it’s better for him because he gets it exactly like he likes it.”- Cautious-Library-369
“Does OPs husband do anything around the house besides work and provide income?”
“IMO when you have a screaming 5 month old that’s not 50/50.”
“She stays home with a baby all day and can’t even decide what she and the baby should eat?”
“This is a division of labor problem/problem of compromise.”
“It can’t really be decided unless we know 100% of the ways both you and your husband contribute to the relationship.”
“HOWEVER you should 100% be able to not cook meat.”
“I would still buy it for him.”
“Maybe this means you do some chore of his as a trade but IS HE EVEN DOING ANYTHING beside working?”
“This is very IMPORTANT INFO for a judgement So far your husband is an asshole for insisting on meat meals and acting like a baby when he sees some veggies instead of appreciating that there’s a warm meal on the table for him.”
“You cook a general meal, one something that the whole family can eat meaning veggie, because your partner can eat vegetables etc.”
“If he wants meat, he cooks and adds the meat.”
“I will never understand why this is anyone’s hill to die on.”
“When my partner and I moved in together, I took on cooking and I cook veggie meals.”
“He is still a meat eater and has never once complained or had issue with having meat-free meals.”
“He is always welcome to add meat himself, which he does if he feels like it.”- dingleberrydoughnut
“You agreed to do the cooking and you are.”
“He doesn’t get to dictate exactly what you cook.”
“You’re not a robot.”
“I hate to drag the law into this, but even if this is a contract, and you broke the contract, the remedy is never specific performance, the law recognizes you can’t force someone to do something they physically don’t want to do.”
‘The same general consideration for your rights as a human being applies here.”
‘You don’t want do it, and no one should force you to do something physically don’t want to do.”
“And you haven’t stopped cooking for him, you’ve just stopped cooking certain things.”
“And if he wants his daughter to eat meat, or he wants to eat it himself, he can certainly go ahead and do that.”
“I know some vegetarian who have banned all meat cooking in their physical presence.”
“You’re being very reasonable.”- Cultural_Job6476
“You should be able to cook meals of your choice.”- ssadfatdog
Others, however, felt the OP was being unreasonable, as she wasn’t taking into account the likes and dislikes of her family, and was more or less forcing her beliefs on her daughter.
“Relationships have a division of labor.”
“It sounds like one of your responsibilities is cooking.”
“I’m going to say YTA, on two accounts.”
“This is part of your division of labor, and you’ve just decided out of nowhere, to stop cooking meat – which he clearly likes/expects, and I’m assuming is what he’s normally eaten.”
“Your child is both of yours; not just yours.”
“It doesn’t seem correct that you get to make a decision that the child will be vegetarian.”
“That should be a joint decision.”- SDstartingOut
“And raising your daughter vegetarian a) isn’t your decision alone to make and b) is entirely unfair to your daughter.”
“What if your husband says ‘I make all the money, don’t buy any food I don’t approve of’, do you think he would be an a**hole in that situation?”- Ok_Perspective6063
“You’re the SAHP and you cook most of the meals.”
“That is the set up that you and your husband have agreed to.”
“Suddenly telling him he needs to cook his own meals or go vegetarian is not reasonable.”
“You’re either passing off a duty that you used to do, cooking his meals, onto him, without any discussion, or making him become vegetarian with you.”
“And your daughter has two parents, both of you should have a say in the diet and mentality she is raised on.”- Swirlyflurry
The OP should not be challenged for her decision to become vegetarian.
However, that was her decision to make, and one that she shouldn’t force upon her husband and daughter.
That being said, the OP did make it clear that she hasn’t banned meat from her house, leaving one to hope that a compromise can be made.
Ideally, during a calm, rational conversation.