Money does something strange to people, especially when a person realizes that someone they know has a significantly higher income than they do.
But while it might be okay to dream of making the same amount of money as they do, if not more, it’s not okay to feel in any way entitled to their money, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor goodneighbourta was mildly surprised when her sister-in-law (SIL) invited her to attend her bachelorette party dinner, since she wasn’t in the wedding party.
But when the end of the evening came, and she was asked to foot the bill, it became clear to the Original Poster (OP) why she’d been asked to come along.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for embarrassing my Sister-in-Law (SIL) after she expected me to pay her and her friends’ dinner bill?”
The OP’s husband and sister-in-law (SIL) were very different people.
“So I (25 Female) went out for dinner for my SIL’s (28 Female) bachelorette party this past weekend.”
“Between my SIL and my Husband (26 Male), SIL has always been the golden child of the family. Growing up, my in-laws coddled her and gave her everything that she wanted while my husband always got the s**tty end of the stick.”
“She was always the popular girl in school, a cheerleader, lots of friends, and all the boys loved her. My husband was always a little nerdier and got picked on quite a bit, even my in-laws would give him a hard time about this and say he needed to be ‘more like his sister.'”
“Fast-forward to today, both my husband and I went to top schools, got our degrees, and currently have very well-paying jobs in tech. I’m not trying to sound braggy, this is just for context, but we live a very, very comfortable life.”
“SIL still currently lives at home with my in-laws who foot all of her bills, she had my niece (4 Female) with her ex and is currently going into her second marriage.”
The OP was somewhat surprised to be invited to her SIL’s bachelorette party dinner.
“This past weekend I was invited to this fancy upscale restaurant in my city for my SIL’s bachelorette party (she just wanted to do a nice dinner). There were eight of us in total.”
“At the end of dinner, the bill came out and the waiter handed it to me…”
“I was sitting there, confused for a second, until SIL spoke up and said, ‘My parents and I were talking and were thinking you and my brother can handle the bill for this, as a wedding gift, since you’re not financially contributing to my wedding.'”
“The bill was close to $1,000 USD.”
“I stared at her, shocked for a moment and then was like, ‘And you didn’t think to bring this up to me beforehand?'”
The OP’s SIL saw nothing wrong with her request.
“She started going off about how we’re so well-off so what’s the big deal, and she’s sure her brother wouldn’t have an issue with it.”
“I asked her why her fiancé doesn’t foot the bill, or my in-laws, and where in her right mind she thought it was okay to spring this on me.”
“She started going on about how we’re the wealthiest in both her and her fiancé’s family and that she didn’t think I would act like this and would say yes.”
“I told her, ‘Well, sorry, but I’m not your parents, don’t expect handouts from me.'”
“She called me selfish.”
“I called her an entitled brat, paid for my portion of the bill, and left the restaurant.”
The family was split on how the OP handled the situation.
“To be expected, my MIL, SIL, and even some of the cousins and aunts on my husband’s side have been absolutely furious with me and are expecting me to apologize for my comments.”
“I told them, ‘Over my dead body.'”
“My husband is 100% on my side, and we are debating on not going to the wedding.”
“I was talking to my mom, and she thinks I took it too far with the comments, and should just apologize to keep the peace.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were outraged by the level of entitlement in the family.
“NTA. The ‘you’ve got money and a nice life, so you can do this for me.’ No, just plain no. She’s a spoilt little princess who needs a wake-up call.”
“And you’re not contributing to the wedding? Would that be because it’s not yours?”
“All the upset relatives can get stuffed as well. Entitlement at its worst.”
“Oh and springing it on you: an indication of what the future holds. She expects access to your money. I’d run.” – Top-Put2038
“I would be embarrassed if I were one of her friends who were there. I’m sure SIL’s behavior is nothing new to them. But seeing it in person is a whole different thing.”
“I’m sure they were told this was pre-planned and taken care of. After hearing the stunt SIL pulled, I would hope at least one of her friends is second-guessing their relationship with her. I am, however, giving the benefit of the doubt for normal human manners, which might be lacking all around here.” – CatmoCatmo
“The fact of her springing that on you at the end is unconscionable. It’d be one thing (still questionable) if they had approached you privately beforehand to see if you’d throw a dinner for them. It’s another entirely to surprise you at the end of dinner and expect you to pay for not only her but six of her friends.”
“Even more so that she did it publicly. My guess is she wanted to rely on you acquiescing to social pressure to do it without a fuss.”
“Also, the fact that she expects contribution from you for her wedding; if you were her parent, that’s one thing. But as a SIL? This is so wildly entitled on her part, and on the part of the family who’s backing her.” – worhal
“I guarantee you were only invited as a set-up to try and make you pay.”
“Don’t go to the wedding and I’d honestly consider how much contact you want to maintain with SIL and your in-laws moving forward. It’s clear they see you and your husband as nothing but an ATM.” – hannahsflora
“If they all got together during planning and decided that OP would be the one paying, I’m guessing they’re probably a bit sour that OP is living comfortably while their own daughter is still mooching off her parents at nearly 30 years old and they didn’t want another expense.”
“They knew she wouldn’t agree to it, so they didn’t ask. And to add insult to injury, SIL clearly had to point her out to the waiter, tell him she was the one paying the entire bill, and probably told everyone attending not to worry about ordering, because they wouldn’t have to pay.” – trrrdbrrrglrrr
“SIL and her family have some audacity. The parents are going to be paying her way even when she puts them in Shady Pines.”
“OP is NTA, and she and her husband need to go no contact (NC) with these toxic people. Also, OP’s mom needs to stop expecting her to be a doormat.”
“SIL needs to be told no and exactly what she is. Good on OP for saying no and staying with it. I wouldn’t go to the wedding or send a gift. My going NC would be my gift if she really needed one.” – DearOP_
Others applauded the OP for standing up for herself.
“This was 100% an attempt to spring this on OP on the assumption she would be too embarrassed to argue it in front of other people.”
“Unfortunately for SIL, she didn’t know about the shiny steel spine OP possesses.” – shontsu
“You were not ASKED beforehand, you were VOLUNTOLD at the very moment the bill arrived.”
“I’d have gone with, ‘Well, it’s nice that you decided that WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE, but I didn’t bring my credit cards with me,’ and I’d LEAVE.” – proud_didi
“SIL knew she was wrong which is why she didn’t say anything beforehand. She was hoping OP would simply cave to social pressure to not make a scene.”
“I’ll bet that SIL probably thought this was the smartest plan ever, and her parents encouraged her to think it was brilliant. And now she doesn’t understand why OP didn’t just play along.” – PaganCHICK720
“SIL expected OP to cave to social pressure because that kind of entitled manipulation worked on scared high school kids. Now she’s among confident successful adults but she still has a high school brain. Gonna be a rough ride for her, and she deserves it.” – sympathy4deviledeggs
“There’s a reason she waited to spring it on OP. She thought she could embarrass her into paying. How much did she pay for your wedding? She also doesn’t get to choose your gift.”
“I would boycott because they will try to attack you at the wedding. NTA.” – babcock27
“My friend Zara’s SIL, Jenny, did something similar. She insisted in front of both families that the groom’s sister (Zara) had to make a contribution to their wedding and wanted Zara to pay for the honeymoon, which was a fair chunk of change.”
“Zara asked for details and an invoice was produced for an obscene amount of money. I think it was in the region of $40K USD.”
“She looked shocked, started shaking at the thought of having to pay that much money, but then said, ‘When are we leaving and what time’s breakfast? I don’t enjoy hiking, so I’m happy to lounge around the pool. What time shall we meet for dinner every evening?'”
“When the family seemed confused by this, Zara clarified, ‘If I’m PAYING that sort of money, then I’M COMING WITH YOU!'”
“Jenny was not happy at all, but Zara was the hero in my eyes! The level of entitled a**holery astounds me. NTA at all, OP!” – browneyedgal1512
While the subReddit was side-eying the OP’s sister-in-law and most of her in-laws in general, they were applauding her for standing up for herself and covering a bill she really did not have to pay. Expecting someone to cover a hefty bill because they have a nice income is bad enough, but exposing that in front of a group of people, in the hopes that they’ll cave to social pressure, just screams high school mean girl vibes.