Nothing so readily sparks family drama than planning a wedding, especially when it’s a family that is more invested in the big event than the couple even is.
A guy on Reddit recently found himself in this situation when he and his wife announced they’d eloped to their wedding-obsessed families. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective on how he’d handled things.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by AITA-acc3999 on the site, asked:
“AITA For announcing to both families that we eloped?”
He explained:
“Me M[ale]31 and my wife F[emale]26 have big families. Both families were excited to share our special day and they came up with suggestions during wedding planning phase which was a complete nightmare.”
“Both familes sent long lists of guests, when I told them they needed to cut down the list cause we couldn’t afford many people. Both families refused and tried to exclude each others. The wedding date got rescheduled several times cause both families couldn’t agree on a specific date. This went on for 6 months!”
“My sister wanted to be one of my wife’s pridsmaids but my wife already arranged for that. My brother in law wanted to be my best man but I already had my friend as best man. They argued about everything from the music to the menu, I had a family member write My own speech for me saying he was helping.”
“And Mom wanted my wife to buy the wedding dress SHE liked. This caused both families to argue I was getting fed up but they said They just wanted to share our special day with us.”
“Me and my wife come from different towns. My parents insisted to have the wedding in our hometown. While my in-laws demanded to have it in their town. Every night they’d call with ultimatums making this their hill to die on.”
“My wife and I decided one morning to just….elope and we made proper arrangement for this to happen without our families knowing. Our parents kept calling to ask about the wedding. We decided to get both families together to make an announcement.”
“Soon as we saw them they started talking about the wedding and insisting we do what they want. My wife and I stood in the middle of the living room took a deep breath. I counted to 3 then we said it together ‘we eloped!'”
“The room went quiet. My dad yelled ‘my diabetes!’ as in he was in shock. My sister immediately took a seat. My mother in law blew up and started yelling asking how we could do this to them and act so selfishly towards the people who wanted to share our joy. Now we took that away from them and asked what their guests were going to think after what we pulled.”
“I argued that We tried to accommodate as much as we could but it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Besides they were being unreasonable and too involved in a manner that concerned me and my wife.”
“Mom told me to stop calling her my wife she’s not my wife since to them ‘we didn’t get married’ yet. And demanded we start planning the wedding and send out invitations to celebrate in both towns that way both families are happy. I called them unreasonable. And said it won’t happen.”
“I just walked out with my wife and they kept calling and texting (no social media though) to get us to do it. Still insisting we’re not yet married and will never be til we have not one but TWO official weddings.”
“(Just wanna say this happened before in every wedding in both families. For ages the definition of the word ‘wedding’ is ‘sh*tshow’ at least in my family’s dictionary.”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And it was a pretty clear-cut decision: Virtually everybody was on the bride and groom’s side.
“Your families are ridiculous, OP. They don’t get to decide when you two are ‘officially married,’ or demand TWO weddings that would only drive both of you crazy with the stress and conflict. Good job taking back control of a situation that should be all about you and your wife and what you both want.”
“It would not be a good idea to start off your life together in a way that would cause so much stress, and your families should be ashamed of themselves for putting you in a position where eloping was your best option. You just sent them all a message that you two are NOT going to be caught up in all their drama and entitlement. I assure you, that was the right thing to do. NTA” —bookish4269
“I know how to fix this.”
“Tell everybody to get together and plan, arrange, schedule, and pay for whatever kind of wedding they want.”
“But you and your wife won’t help pay, or plan, or offer any guidance or suggestions.”
“It will never ever happen. They’ll still be arguing about it when you and your wife are planning your fifth anniversary.”
“And you can sit back and say, ‘But we told you to go ahead, and we would be fine with whatever you did!'”
“NTA.” —Noxwild
“NTA”
“Just…OMG, I don’t blame you or your wife for just saying screw it. You’re right, there is no way you two would have been able to make everyone happy. Just don’t expect them to be happy. Just leave them to stew in their own nonsense and start your life together.” —GreeneyedSigma
“NTA. Woah. Hot mess. I am so sorry. You did nothing wrong. Honestly, it sounds like eloping was the only actual option as they made planning a wedding literal hell. So despite the family drama, congrats on getting married! I hope you two have a wonderful future! Remember happy wife, happy life lol” —Brave-Question1930
Here’s hoping this couple’s marriage is a lot less dramatic than their wedding planning has been.