The big events in life are meant to be shared.
Marriage, moving, or a big promotion are all profound changes that can impact the whole of our lives.
So, we want to make sure those events are given due respect, right?
Well, what happens when someone decides that the good fortune in your own life is taking attention away from their own?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Then_Emergency4817 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA Pregnant sister-in-law says we should have asked her permission before we got pregnant too”
OP began with some good news.
“Hi everyone,”
“My sister-in-law (fiancés brother’s girlfriend) is about 15 weeks pregnant as of right now. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant.”
“This is my second child, but will be my fiancés first.”
“Obviously they found out first and were very excited and we were very excited for them, but also a little discouraged as my fiancé and I had been trying for almost a year with no luck, but we never told them about our discouragement because it wasn’t their fault we weren’t pregnant yet.”
“Then about a month ago we found out we were pregnant.”
“We were ecstatic and the first person my fiancé wanted to tell was his brother who’s his best friend.”
“He was excited for us but asked if he could be the one to tell sister-in-law, and we said of course.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Come to find out she took it awfully.”
“She cried and told fiancés brother that we should have asked permission to get pregnant while they were pregnant, or at the very least waited until they were well into the second trimester of their pregnancy because ‘what if her baby died but ours didn’t.'”
“And that she feels like she never gets anything to herself since she joined this family.”
“We were not trying to steal the excitement from them in any way.”
“We were actually very surprised we got pregnant when we did because we had been going through a rough spot and hadn’t really been trying as much as in the past, so while a planned pregnancy we were still a little shocked ourselves.”
“But ever since sister-in-law found out she hasn’t spoken to me or my fiancé since.”
“The only reason we know what she’s actually said is that she’s asked fiancés brother to tell my fiancé and won’t actually talk to us herself.”
“She always gives weird looks and just straight up cold shoulder.”
“It’s awkward especially since my fiancés family is super close and they’re always having family dinners.”
OP was left to wonder,
“We thought it would have blown over by now but there’s no end in sight and it’s really starting to make me wonder if we did something wrong?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses pointed out how ridiculous the argument was.
“Why would someone even think they’re TA for this?”
“Definitely NTA.”
“Nobody ‘owns’ pregnancy and certainly no one is required to ask someone’s permission to get pregnant.”
“Your sister-in-law is acting spoiled and entitled, the petty queen in me says to have a baby shower around the same time as hers – offering a double shower would ice the cake here quite nicely.”
“But the polite Midwestern girl in me says to just be a supportive sister-in-law, ask how her pregnancy is going when she’s around, and just be a sweetheart in general.”
“The benefit there is she either acts right or every family member attending would see her being so awful and remind her to straighten out her selfish attitude.”
“I’d probably be stoked. Like, ‘OMG baby cousins who will be within just a couple weeks of age! Built-in besties!!'”
“That being said, congratulations on both your baby and to your future in-laws on theirs.” ~ DntMindMeImNtRlyHere
“I just want to check with everyone on this thread if I’m allowed to get pregnant.”
“I don’t want to steal anyone’s thunder.”
“So if you’re in your first trimester please feel free to veto my pregnancy. I’ll just wait until you feel ready for me to be pregnant.” ~ Hoistedonyrownpetard
Others pointed to the logistics involved.
“You need to tell her this exactly.”
“Even if she was right (which let’s all be clear she’s not since that’s some next level diva crap) this would have been literally impossible for OP to know unless,”
“A) SIL had a very early blood test and then b) called up every family member that day and cautioned them that they were not allowed to have any sex, at all, to ensure that no one could have even a minute chance of having a pregnancy that would steal her thunder.”
“Obviously she did not do that, because then you would be telling us about that.”
“Though I must admit that there’s a part of me that wishes she had, for your sake, because you would almost certainly win one of the Best of AITA Awards at the end of the year!” ~ justmaybemaggie
“NTA.”
“Pregnancy is many times a surprise.”
“Even if you were consciously trying, it can still be a surprise when it finally happens.”
“She doesn’t get to tell others ‘when they CAN get pregnant.’ That’s big time delusional.”
“Like brides who think they have the ‘entire year’ of their wedding to ban others from even getting engaged, etc.”
“Celebrate your pregnancy with all the joy you feel. Don’t apologize to anyone for your happiness. Congratulations!” ~ kimtpring
There were personal stories too.
“I don’t get all the people in posts like these getting mad at being pregnant at the same time as their sibling or in-law or what have you.”
“I have 5 sisters (so 6 of us in total) 4 of us were pregnant last year. It was exciting we were Bump Buddies and all the cousins are close in age and get to grow up together!” ~ AkatsukiTenshi
“This viewpoint reminds me of an aunt of my wife’s.”
“Upon learning that an expected due date was the same day number (not even the same month) as one of her adult children, she said ‘oh that’s too bad, everyone should have their own birth date.'”
“It’s been 15 years and I still think about her comment and fail to understand her logic.” ~ pokemonplayer2001
Many pointed out possible pettiness opportunities.
“Nice midwestern girl here too. I vote for pettiness” ~ Classic-Tumbleweed-1
“🤴Fellow Petty Queen!!”
“But FR, sometimes being beyond polite is the pettiest thing you can do.”
“She ends up looking like a jerk, you end up looking like sunshine and roses, and you still get to smile.” ~ DntMindMeImNtRlyHere
“Well, maybe you need to realize that your SIL is now your boss and you need to clear EVERYTHING through her BEFORE proceeding.”
“Call her.”
“Call her because you are starting the laundry and you don’t want to risk washing clothing at the same time as your SILs wash may be ruined.”
“Call her when you are going to go to the bathroom.”
“Just to make sure you don’t flush at the same time.”
“I mean, what if her clogs!?! Haircut? Call her. Feeling hungry? Call her.”
“New car, vacation, tattoo, hobby, fam pictures? Call her.”
“Yeah, I know I’m an AH but entitled people really push my buttons.” ~ MarginalGreatness
“NTA”
“Please, PLEASE, don’t let this opportunity go to waste. Blow her phone TF up every time you are about to do or go somewhere, PLEASE!”
‘”Hey SIL, I’m restaurant’s name what am I allowed to get?”‘
“‘Hey SIL, can I go get gas for my car?”‘
“‘Hey SIL, SO and I are h*rny, can we f*ck?”‘
“Of course, you’ll do what you want to but despite what she says but still, since you were supposed to ask her if it was okay to have a child. Have fun with it.” ~ Careful-Listen2277
Some commenters were concerned that there might be more going on.
“NTA.”
“Obviously.”
“But from the comment about what if SIL’s baby died and yours didn’t, it seems obvious she’s struggling with some anxiety.”
“Post-natal mental health problems are talked about quite a lot these days, but mental health issues in pregnancy are less well-known but equally common and tough to deal with.”
“You might suggest to your brother that this could be an issue.”
“If you’re in the UK, her midwife can make a referral to the perinatal mental health team.” ~ BeccasBump
“This!”
“NTA but make sure someone is looking out for her. Mental illnesses in pregnancy are very common and very serious.” ~ RebelRebelFighter
“NTA”
“‘She cried and told fiancés brother that we should have asked permission to get pregnant while they were pregnant, or at the very least waited until they were well into the second trimester of their pregnancy because “what if her baby died but ours didn’t.”’
“‘And that she feels like she never gets anything to herself since she joined this family.'”
“My take on that would be that your SIL needs some serious therapy. The fact your BIL isn’t doing anything about it says a lot about their relationship.” ~ dublos
Let’s talk about entitlement.
The joy you experience in your life does not give you the right to refuse joy to someone else.
Conversely, the joy someone else experiences does not detract from your own.
Remember, always, to be kind.