The division of labor in a household can be challenging.
What chores get assigned to which member of the house can make or break the happiness of the whole family.
What happens when the jealousy of chore assignment boils over and someone who isn’t accustomed to the task takes it on?
What happens when the task is more than the newbie bargained for?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) roleswapaita when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for clarity.
She asked:
“AITA For giving up when I tried snowblowing and shoveling and making my husband do it?”
She began with the background.
“My husband and I live in a northern climate and have gotten quite a bit of snow over the last couple weeks.”
“Usually, my husband does all of the shoveling and snow blowing.”
“But we have 3 kids under the age of 10 and he takes forever to clear the snow off and sometimes is outside for almost 2 hours.”
OP had theories about what was really going on outside.
“I’m pretty sure he just uses it as a way to get a break from the kids and drink beer in the garage, but I feel it’s unfair that I don’t get the same kind of break.”
“We both work full-time and I’m a nurse so I’ve been exhausted for the last 2 years while he works an office job and works from home 3-4 days of the week.”
So she decided to take on the job herself.
“A couple days ago we got another few inches of snow and I told my husband that I am going to clear the snow this time and he can watch the kids.”
“He said fine and gave me a quick tutorial on how to use the snowblower and got me off and running.”
“But I couldn’t figure out a lot of it and it kept clogging because the snow was heavy and wet.”
“I got frustrated and went to ask him for help and he unclogged the chute thing for me and it worked ok for a bit more but then clogged up again.”
“I went to ask him for help again but he said he was in the middle of making dinner and told me to shovel the snow if I can’t get the snowblower working.”
Everything was fine until…
“I tried the shovel for a bit but the snow was way too heavy and it hurt my back and shoulders and I slipped and fell so I pretty much threw the shovel down and gave up.”
“When I got back inside my husband said ‘Oh, done already?’ with a little smart-*ss smirk on his face.”
“I was p*ssed and frustrated and I told him it’s as done as it’s going to be.”
“He looked out the window and said that I didn’t even get halfway done.”
“I told him the snowblower doesn’t work and the snow is too heavy to shovel and he started asking me how I was doing it and I just snapped at him that if he wants it done more than that then he’s going to have to do it himself.”
“So after dinner and putting the kids to sleep he went out and finished it and somehow got the snowblower to work.”
“Funny, he didn’t seem to have the same problems I was having.”
“When he got done I asked him how he got the snow blower to work and he said he just used it like he normally does.”
“I got mad and accused him of not showing me the right way to use it and setting me up to fail.”
“He told me I was being ridiculous and offered to show me again how to use it.”
“I told him not to bother since I was never going to offer to help with it again and he can have his little break away from the kids each time it snows.”
“He told me I was being dramatic and that it’s not that hard to clear the snow and I should have just stuck with it and figured it out.”
“I told him I don’t want him to mansplain it to me and he said, ‘OMG, why are you being an a**hole about this?’ “
“I told him he’s the one who spends hours outside every time it snows instead of spending time with his kids, so maybe he’s the real a**hole.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for clarity.Â
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some pointed out husband was doomed either way.
“YTA.”
“You assumed he was deliberately taking his time in order to not watch the kids so you asked to swap roles.”
“He was fine with this, didn’t moan cooked dinner, and by all accounts looked after the kids.”
“You found the snow clearing much harder than you thought and couldn’t finish the job.”
“You assume he deliberately showed you wrong then accused him of mansplaining when he tried to explain how he does it.”
“He couldn’t win could he?”
“Even if you had found it easy you’d have been annoyed.”
“On a separate note I am also a nurse and work long hours etc and am struggling to understand how being a nurse is relevant to your post?”~ hobalotit
And…
“Honestly it doesn’t sound like OP likes her husband at all.”
“She so desperately wants to believe that he’s a lazy dad and husband that doesn’t pull his weight that she’s angry when her disparaging assumptions are proven wrong.”~ Confident_Profit_210
Others decided to summarize.Â
“TLDR: Lives in northern climate, does not know how to shovel snow.”
“Does not understand snow can be wet.”
“Thinks husband uses the snow blower to avoid being a parent.”
“Has snit fit.”
“YTA” ~ResoluteMuse
Or…
“YTA.”
“Sounds like he had no trouble spending time indoors with the kids this go round.”
“The grass was not greener under all that snow, apparently.” ~ HappiestApple
Comments pointed out how unreasonable OP was actually being.
“YTA – I want to leave you, and I don’t even know you.”
“You are still blaming him for spending hours outside, to get away from the kids, when you just experienced, first hand, that it takes time longer than you thought?”
“Mansplaining is when a man starts explaining something to a woman, BECAUSE she is a woman, and he ASSUMES she doesn’t know, because of that.”
“If you have shown you don’t know how to do something, and you even ask for help, then its just plain old ‘explaining’.Â
“I guess next time you ask him how to do something, he should just tell you watch a youtube video and figure it out.”~Himkano
Like we said earlier, the division of labor in a household can make or break a home.
Who gets what chore can cause jealousy or anger, even resentment.
Of course, it’s important to let go of that resentment when you find out the other person is working just as hard as you.
Right?