All decisions regarding a wedding should ultimately be made by the happy couple.
Even though friends and family usually have no problem offering their input on the venue, food, cake, or attire, their opinion is ultimately moot as they are not the ones getting married.
So, while they might not exactly agree with their decisions when the big day arrives, that ultimately shouldn’t be an issue, as the only thing which should be on anyone’s mind is celebrating the love of the happy couple.
Redditor throwawayacct_2019 was less than thrilled by a decision her sister made regarding who could and couldn’t come to her upcoming nuptials, as it was a minor inconvenience to her family.
But knowing it was her sister’s decision to make, the original poster (OP) put her frustrations aside and obliged.
However, when the big day finally arrived, when the OP noticed that her cousin ignored this rule and that her sister and the rest of her family didn’t seem to mind, she simply couldn’t contain her rage.
Having second thoughts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for pointing out hypocritical rules at my sister’s wedding?”
The OP explained why she ended up making a scene at her sister’s wedding after noticing who her cousin brought as her companion.
“My sister (28 F[emale]) got married one week ago. I (26 F) have a son (4 M[ale]) who is the only grandchild on my side of the family.”
“Everyone love him, and he loves his aunt.”
“During early wedding planning, my sister suggested that she wanted to have a kid-free wedding, but I didn’t think she was serious as it was so early on.”
“Then, when the invitations came out, I saw on the FAQ page that this was, in fact, a kid-free wedding.”
“I talked to our mother about it and how I was shocked, but she stayed neutral, and I didn’t talk to anyone else about it.”
“Now I am not one to start fights, so I obliged and found a babysitter.”
“I was a bit upset, but I tried to be still supportive.”
“The wedding day comes and my fiancé and I take our seats and wait for the ceremony to start.”
“While waiting, I see my cousin sit behind us with her 3-year-old daughter.”
“I was shocked!”
“It was made very clear to everyone about the no kid rule, so I was sure that my family (who adores my sister) would tell my cousin something.”
“Instead, everyone said hi to them and talked about how cute the child was.”
“I was appalled and knew my sister would be upset.”
“At the reception, I went up to my mom and asked her what she thought of my cousin bringing her child.”
“My mom said that it didn’t matter that much and that we should all just let it go.”
Let it go, she did not.Â
“But I was furious! How was this fair at all?”
“At one point during the wedding, my cousin, sister, and I went to go take a photo at the photo booth area.”
“After the photo, I turned to my cousin and jokingly said, ‘I guess a kid-free wedding means different things to different people!'”
“My cousin was shocked and looked at my sister, and my sister told me to knock it off and that everything was fine.”
“I told her why should I?”
“I followed the rules and left my son at home.”
“My sister told me to calm down, and I told her I was calm, just confused.”
It only escalated from there.
“I guess we drew attention from some of the other guests, and my mother came over and pulled me aside.”
“She told me to stop causing a scene, and I said I’m not causing a scene, but simply asking why different rules apply to different people.”
“My sister came over and told me to stop and that I was ‘ruining her special day.'”
“I couldn’t believe it!”
‘My fiancé and I left because I could not stand to be in the same room as my sister then.”
“Ever since the wedding, my mom has been telling me to apologize.”
“I keep telling her that my sister should apologize to ME.”
“I haven’t spoken to my sister since, and I don’t plan on it until I get an apology.”
“People keep saying that I should not have brought this up at the wedding.”
“But when should I have brought it up?”
“It seems WORSE to bring it up AFTER the fact, doesn’t it?”
“To be clear, I originally wasn’t mad at my sister.”
It all boiled down to one point for OP.
“I was upset at my cousin and slightly upset at my family for not saying anything when they saw the child (I didn’t want a fight to happen, just for them to hold her accountable).”
“However, I got upset at my sister when she got mad at me for bringing it up.”
“I feel like I deserved to let my cousin know how I really felt, and I wanted my sister’s support since I followed the rules.”
“AITA”.
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who generally agreed she was the a**hole for her behavior at her sister’s wedding.
While everyone understood the OP’s frustrations, they all agreed that her behavior was completely uncalled for, particularly as her sister didn’t allow her cousin to bring her child, but her cousin simply ignored the rules.
“YTA.”
“Your poor sister already had to deal with one guest ignoring her wishes and probably decided just to let it go and focus on enjoying her wedding day.”
“I’m guessing the last thing she wanted to deal with was confronting your rude cousin and kicking out a 3-year-old.”
“There weren’t different rules for different people. Your cousin just decided to ignore the rules, and your sister decided to make the best of an annoying situation.”
“Instead of being empathetic and following your sister’s lead, you decided to make it about you and your feelings and made a scene.”
“You owe your sister and mom an apology.”- photosbeersandteach
“YTA.”
“Someone else broke the rules.”
“You got pissy and created a scene because you didn’t also get to break the rules.”
“None of that is on your sister.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“You want an apology because you weren’t special enough at her wedding.”
“If the bride didn’t want to confront the cousin, you had absolutely no business saying sh*t, ‘jokingly’ or not.”
“Hint: you weren’t joking.”
“This is evident by the hissy fit you are still throwing.”
“YTA.”- ashleighbuck
“YTA.”
“Even though you followed the rules, you should’ve let it go because your kid was already at home with a sitter, and your cousin’s kid was already at the wedding.”
“Nothing could be gained from causing a scene (which plainly you did since you were attracting attention with your innocent ‘confusion’).”- shellofthemshellf
“YTA.”
“Your sister doesn’t owe you sh*t.”
“She set the rules.”
“Someone else broke them.”
“She chose to make the most of her wedding instead of focusing on it.”
“You chose to be an a-hole and hold her responsible for not dealing with a situation she frankly should not have had to deal with.”
“You’re acting obscenely entitled and nasty over just getting childcare for an event.”- GameProtein
“YTA.”
“Your sister doesn’t owe you sh*t.”
“She set the rules.”
“Someone else broke them.”
“She chose to make the most of her wedding instead of focusing on it.”
“You chose to be an a-hole and hold her responsible for not dealing with a situation she frankly should not have had to deal with.”
“You’re acting obscenely entitled and nasty over just getting childcare for an event.”- GameProtein
“YTA.”
“Congrats.’
“You made your sister’s wedding all about yourself.”
“Of all the types of a**holes narcissist a**holes are the worst.”- sc0tth
“YTA.”
“You caused a scene at your sister’s wedding.”
“So you are definitely the AH here.”
“If someone was going to raise concerns about the fact that your cousin did not follow the ‘No children at the wedding’ rule, it should be the Bride.”
“Not you.”
“The fact that your outburst attracted attention from other guests means that you did create a scene.”
“So yes, your mother is right.”
“You do owe the Bride an apology.”- HannahPoppyMommy
“YTA, and why do you think it would be worse to bring it up after the fact?”- burntsiennaa
“YTA, an entitled one at that.”
“You made a scene because someone else brought a child, and instead of letting it go, you acted like a child yourself.”
“You need to apologize.”
“It wasn’t your place to say anything to your cousin.”
“Chances are, either your sister chose to let it go, or she allowed the child.”
“If she allowed that child but not your son, maybe look at your son’s behavior.”
“Considering your own, it’s likely a telling sign of why he wasn’t welcome.”- Wide_Custard_140
While one can certainly understand the OP’s frustrations, it’s hard to sympathize with the way she handled the situation.
As not only will this likely be the thing people remember most about her sister’s wedding, but the whole saga put the OP at odds with her family.
One can only hope this situation has taught the OP to think a bit more carefully before speaking going forward.