Engagements are meant to be a happy time.
Two souls have agreed to join for life.
Celebration!!
But also, two families are joining for life.
That aspect can sometimes dim the festivities.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway331097 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For leaving in an Uber after my engagement party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancée and I got engaged a week ago, It was an absolute disaster.”
“I never wanted a party but my fiancée’s mom insisted, and wanted to have the engagement party at a restaurant that is expensive (to me).”
“And she made my fiancée pull money out of his saving account to buy a house just so she could show herself off to her family. She:”
“Picked a restaurant of her choice…”
“Invited her whole family while I was only allowed to invite mom and dad…”
“She didn’t even order meals until later, because she was arguing about how her favorites weren’t on the menu…”
“Lied to my parents about food and said in her invitation ‘Join us in celebrating Jake and Sarah’s engagement with desserts and champagne’ ONLY!…”
“She said ‘no kids’ but brought S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s kids with her…”
“She sat in the middle, next to my fiancée, and they were both having a toast without me, I was feeling so uncomfertable and super pissed that I couldn’t even hide it.”
“My parents were the first to leave, they were UPSET, can’t blame them, it was awful.”
“We were about to leave, my mother in law wanted us to give her a ride home because B[rother] I[n] L[aw] left with his cousin.”
“My fiancée said ‘sure’, next thing I knew, she got into the passenger seat.”
“SIL tagged along and stuffed her kids in the back where I supposed to sit, I found this so damn inappropriate and humiliating, I asked my fiancée if he was serious.”
“I told him I belonged in the passenger seat.”
“But mother in law said I was being disrespectful and refused to sit in the back, and threw some comments at me.”
“I lost it, literally called an Uber and told them to go.”
“My fiancée lashed out and called me crazy and told me to get in the car because I was embarrassing him.”
“We yelled at each other, he refused to leave.”
“I got in my Uber as they watched and went to my parents, cried my eyes out, and refused to answer my phone.”
“To spare myself the shaming.”
“It was awful, awful so awful that I regret not leaving early, I hate them all, they’re treating me like trash and I’ve had it.”
“She’s making my life miserable, absolutely miserable.”
“She didn’t even let me add to ‘her guest list’ nor have a say in which food to pick.”
“The choices were very limited for me because I don’t eat meat, it makes my stomach upset but she totally disregarded this and went with what she chose.”
“I’m 24 and my fiancée is 27.”
“Edit to clarify that she took some of our savings for a new house and spent it on the party.”
“And she sat in the passenger seat and wanted me to sit in the back.”
“My fiancée took her side and said I was embarrassing him.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Why would you marry someone who allows his family to treat you this way?”
“Sounds like he’s more interested in his relationship with his mother anyway.” ~ REDDIT
“Still better to find out now than after the marriage or even worse after having kids.”
“He won’t treat you better and imagine having to raise your kids how your MIL thinks it’s right.”
“Every party, every decision, basically every day will be a war.”
“Run fast, run far!” ~ prokrastinator5000
“Leave now. Your fiancée obviously doesn’t care about you and this will be the story of your life.”
“Do you want a wedding with only M[other] I[n] L[aw]’s friends and family, her choice of venue, menu, colors?”
“I can see her cutting in on cake cutting, first dance, everything.”
“She sounds horrible and your fiancée is a douche for not standing up for you.” ~ cherralily
“I third this.”
“NTA and also LUCKY.”
“Lucky that you had your whole future played out for you in one s**t show of an evening.”
“A future in which you will never count and any attempt to claim a space for yourself will result in accusations that you are unreasonable.”
“How long do you think it would be before you actually believe you don’t matter and can’t take up space?”
“You need to end it.”
“You know that, right?” ~ trueduchess
“Yeah NTA OP.”
“But if you stay with this guy after he showed you that he isn’t ready to be your partner and have your back, then you would be being an a**hole to yourself.”
“You deserve much more than what this child and his mommy would put you through – throw them away like they are toxic, because they are.” ~ Thriftyverse
“He’s so fogged up that he let his mother sit in between him and his fiancee at his own engagement party.”
“He let his mother accept toasts (hopefully none of the ones mommy accepted were to the happy couple, but I wouldn’t put it past either of them).”
“If he says he’ll do better, he’s lying.”
“He’s going to probably need therapy and spend at least a couple years working on how to set appropriate boundaries.” ~ Thriftyverse
“My ex MIL had a face like a slapped a**e on my wedding day.”
“I figured it was down to her falling out with her parents and us not paying her taxi fare to the venue.”
“But having seen her try to slow dance and massage my ex I think it was more a Jocasta thing.”
“One of the many reasons I’m glad he’s an ex.”
“NTA… by the way- leave this guy with his Oedipus complex and go find someone who gives a sh*t about you.”
“Or not, just be you and don’t let anyone- especially those who supposedly love you- treat you that way.”
“All the hugs.” ~ LaurenDay86
“Your fiancée was quick to complain how you were embarrassing him but not even notice how mortifyingly embarrassing it was for you.”
“NTA and it sounds like this is not someone you should marry even without a terrible MIL.” ~ fragglerific
“THIS. My MIL is the earthly embodiment of Satan and hates me with the passion of 1000 burning suns.”
“She has tried to pull all kinds of bulls**t to hell with me, and do you know how many times she’s been successful? ZERO.”
“Because my wife is not an a**hole and she has my back.”
“When you commit to marrying someone, you are choosing them as your family.”
“Your immediate family.”
“They become your top priority; that’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“ETA: NTA, OP. And I sincerely hope that you reconsider marrying this fool.” ~ ghostfacespillah
“I’m the exact opposite of your relationship and I hope op takes note.”
“My son’s ex MIL hates me with a passion and has done everything she can to destroy me including bad mouthing me and my parents to my kids while accusing me of doing the same thing.”
“All decisions in our lives including the furniture in our house and the pictures on the walls or all made by MIL.”
“If we did something or brought something she didn’t approve of we would have to deal with a massive meltdown including verbal attacks until she got her way.”
“My son would rarely stand up to her and would never stand up for me even going as far a to deleting the abusive messages her mum would send out of my phone and denied they even happened.”
“My wife eventually became worse than her mum and I was just the punching bag who was financially supporting them whilst being told I wasn’t being a man and earning enough money.”
“So I worked myself into a breakdown and was still told I wasn’t enough and the breakdown is all my fault including my sons autism because her family’s perfect so it must be from my side.”
“Long story short wasted 20 years of my life and brought 3 kids into an abusive controlling manipulative world where they and I have no say in anything to do with our own lives.
ITS NOT A LIFE!!”
“Please run for the hills now.” ~ b-blue77
“This isn’t going to stop at this party.”
“It will be a thing throughout all wedding planning and future grandchildren’s parties.”
“If you died, she would probably try to control your funeral and then complain about how you inconsiderate you were to die without notice.”
“I’d even bet she’d try to wear a white dress to your wedding and claim that it’s your fault.”
“It’s gonna take a big smack of reality too for your fiancée in order for him to not cave to his mom.”
“Especially if he dipped into savings per her suggestion for a party that you didn’t have a say in. NTA.” ~ WallBreakerIV
Well OP, Reddit seems to completely agree with you.
Sounds like you have some serious thinking to do.
Good luck on the future.