When traveling with others, it’s best to be able to rely on each other.
Plans are made with a purpose.
It’s especially important to communicate clearly because surprises rarely go over well.
Now there is nothing wrong with spontaneity, but veering wildly from the plan, without warning can be an issue for some.
Case in point…
Redditor spupper11 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for turning around and going home on my way to the airport for a girls trip?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23 F[emale]) was supposed to go on a girl’s weekend trip to Spain with my long-time friend of almost 10 years (24 F) and her other female friend (28 F) who I was excited to meet.”
“We all live in Germany, but she and her friend live about 3.5 hours away from me, and I live closer to Frankfurt.”
“They decided that they wanted to drive through the night (about 10 hours) and arrive in the morning and said that if I could meet them in their town, I could drive with them.”
“I instead elected just to fly over and meet them there since I live so close to an airport.”
“The day before the trip she texts me a link to book some tickets to a museum that she and her friend booked.”
“She told me to book for 2 pm, which is when they booked for.”
“When I clicked the link, the only time slot available was 8:35 am.”
“I pretty much was like, whatever, I will do something else while they are doing that.”
“The night before the trip, I text her asking her how much I owed her for accommodations and whatever else that we are splitting.”
“This is the second time I’ve asked her since her friend was the one doing the bookings, and I just assumed I would send them my share when they told me how much it cost.”
“She didn’t answer, but I just assumed she was sleeping to prepare for the long drive.”
“The morning of my flight (3 hours before my flight leaves), she tells me that I had to book my own hotel room because they’re having a guy friend come with them that they invited last minute.”
“She sent me a link so I could book at the same hotel as them for that night, but all the rooms were fully booked.”
“I searched around the area, too, and all rooms were booked or very expensive.”
“I really wanted to go, so I just kind of let it go and prepared myself to spend some extra money for a hotel room for myself in a different hotel, but on the way to the airport, I had a gut feeling that I wasn’t going to enjoy myself.”
“So I turned around and went home and sent her a text saying I was going to sit this one out because I was expecting a girls’ trip.”
“She’s being short with me now and thinks I’m being unreasonable.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m really sorry that this is happening to you.”
“They clearly don’t care about your feelings, especially since they acted like you’re a jerk for canceling.”
“Question: did you explain how you felt, in detail, to your friends?”
“I think a good talk might be needed so they understand your feelings.”
“This way, you can see whether they were blindly making a mistake or they really don’t care for your friendship.”
“NTA, your friends are the AH.” ~ swansong28
“NTA. She is not your friend; she is merely an acquaintance that you have known for a very long time and hopefully soon to be a former acquaintance.”
“You would have felt like a third wheel on that trip, and that is exactly how they treated you prior to you getting there.”
“Lose them, block them. She showed you who she really is-believe her.” ~ Storms_and_Rainbows
“I just wanted to pop in and say, that gut feeling you had?”
“That will never fail you.”
“The emotions and what we want to believe about something tend to skew what we can see clearly.”
“The intuition is there to use as a touchstone through all that.”
“Check in with it and always trust it. If there are constant obstacles and dilemmas trying to make something happen, I take the queue that the thing isn’t for me.”
“Your friend is being short, not because of you deciding not to come, but because you decided not to accept poor and dismissive treatment.”
“I would just let that friendship go.”
“I would never plan a trip with friends and make someone scramble that way.”
“NTA. You were just going to be a third wheel to your friend and her friend, who did not include you in museum bookings and then ditched you last minute to share a hotel room with a guy.”
“So you’d be in Spain trying to fit yourself in with whatever plans they make together? Nope.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ Auntie-Mam69
“You don’t deserve friends that would treat you that way.” ~ Plenty_Map_515
“So they book tickets for the museum… but don’t bother to book a third for you.”
“And don’t bother mentioning it to you until the day before.”
“They book a three-person room… but don’t bother to let you know what it’s going to cost.”
“And then don’t bother to actually make it available to you either because they’re bringing a bloke along too.”
“I totally agree – that’s not a weekend you want to be a part of. They’ve made it abundantly clear they don’t care about you.”
“Good call in sitting it out. NTA.” ~ ieya404
OP answered…
“Yeah, it definitely felt off.”
“But I’ve never known her to be that kind of person, so it never occurred to me that she was trying to blow me off or anything like that.”
“I do feel good, though, that most comments are saying I made the right decision in not going.”
“I definitely would have felt like an outcast since they all live near each other and probably have more things to talk about and inside jokes and whatnot.”
“I just feel really, really sad and hurt.”
“She’s the only friend I’ve maintained contact with through middle school, high school, and adulthood.”
Reddit continued…
“Speaking from experience, just because you’ve known your friend longer (assuming) than her other friend doesn’t mean that she sees you the same way as you have despite the distance and decades you’ve known each other.”
“I’ve met and befriended people like her, and the best way I could describe her is like a goldfish with her friendship span, meaning she only sees whoever is the closest to her physically as her best friend.”
“Friends are easily replaceable unless they live nearby/together or work.”
“Ideally, these people only care what ‘value’ you can bring into their lives, and that’s not difficult to hide while they do their barest minimum.”
“It’s ok to mourn losing your friend.”
“But in the long run, you’ll feel better not having to bend over backward for people like her whose best is treating you like nothing more than a 3rd wheel or baggage when they invite you out.”
“You’re NTA 1000x, and your friend can guilt you for all she wants, but her actions and decisions spoke for themselves that you really don’t have to explain yourself for because there are better people who will value you for who you are and respect your time and money.” ~ 3dalyn
“NTA. I know people that are so awesome and fun to be around when they are by themselves or with a certain group.”
“But get them around another group or a certain someone, and they act like a totally different person I don’t even want to hang out with.”
“Maybe your friend is a little different from this other friend.”
“Or this other friend is telling her to do this to you, and your friend is just going along with it.”
“Either way, I don’t blame you for not going.”
“I wouldn’t either.”
“And if she says anything else about it.”
“Tell her exactly what she did to you, and that’s not how friends treat each other.” ~ Frequent_Couple5498
“NTA. Good for you for listening to your ‘friend’s’ actions and not her words.”
“There was nothing in those actions saying she wanted you to go on the trip.”
“She didn’t book you a museum ticket when the other two tickets were bought, and then last minute, she gave away your spot to a guy friend, leaving you with no accommodation.”
“Was she salty that you weren’t going to share the driving, so invited the guy to help with that?”
“Driving 10 hours between two people isn’t a big deal where I live, but I know things are different in Europe where you pack a lunch for a 2-hour drive.”
“But it doesn’t matter anyway.”
“She basically cut you out of the trip in a passive-aggressive manner, and you made the right decision to listen to your gut. NTA.” ~ DoYouHaveAnyIdea16
“NTA. Your friend, on the other hand, really is an AH.”
“You were an afterthought in everything she and/or her other friend planned.”
“Time to look forward to adventures with new friends and keep this lukewarm one on the shelf.” ~ NGDGUnpunished
Well, OP, Reddit is clearly with you.
You did what you had to do.
The gut rarely lies.
It does sound like you and your friend may need to have a serious relationship chat, though.
Good luck.