When getting married, people tend to view their in-laws as either an added bonus, or an unfortunate downside.
Those who are lucky have as good or better a relationship with their in-laws as they do with their own families, and thus look forward to spending time with them at family gatherings or on vacations.
Others, however, think much less fondly of their in-laws, and feel the less time spent with them, the better.
In highly unfortunate situations, some even have trouble remaining civil in the presence of their in-laws.
Redditor throwaway3743p9 knew that she could have been closer with her in-laws than she was.
With this in mind, the original poster (OP) thought joining her husband on a family vacation was the perfect opportunity to get to know them better.
Until it became clear that everyone, including the OP’s husband, felt the vacation would have been more fun had she not been there.
Leading the OP to believe there was only one thing to do.
Having second thoughts about her decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn’t want to bring me with him to his family vacation?”
The OP explained how her vacation with her husband and his family was swiftly ruined after overhearing a conversation.
“My husband goes on annual vacations with his family.”
“I’m on okay terms with them but since we’ve only been married for a short time and I don’t see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other.”
“His family arranged for the vacation last week.”
“I out of curiosity asked if I could come.”
“My husband felt hasitent but I told him it’d be a great opportunities to get to know his family better.’
“He agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me.”
“On the 3rd day of the vacation.”
“His dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while I was preparing a fruit salad.”
“As I was making my way back I overheard my mother-in-law (MIL) say ‘did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?”
“At first I had no idea who she was talking about so I kept on walking, but stopped once I overheard my husband say ‘l KNOW! And I didn’t want to bring her with me but what was I supposed to do?!'”
”You know how pushy she can get’.”
“I instantly figured it was about me.”
“I felt so shaken up to the point where I almost dropped the salad.”
“This whole time I was there I cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me?”
“An inconvenience to them?”
“I quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane.”
“He called and texted but I didn’t respond to anything other than let him know I was home.”
“He got back and went off on me saying what I did was disrespectful and juvenile.”
“I told him I overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that I was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so I should stop pushing to be around when they don’t feel comfortable with it.”
“Basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place.”
“He said that going home made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me.”
“I think that I might have messed this up and somewhat ruined it for them as well.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving her family vacation early.
Everyone agreed that the OP should not have had to stay in a place where she knew she wasn’t wanted, with many expressing their concern at the fact that her husband didn’t even try to defend her to his family.
“Other spouses are welcome but not you?”
“What on earth is going on here?”- misslo718
“It’s not like you’ve been dating for 2 weeks, you’re married!”
“And as I understand the husband’s brothers brought their spouses.”
“How else are you going to get to know the family.”
“And to be honest the fact that your husband didn’t defend you and was also talking with them behind your back is kind of a red flag.”- amelonlord
“Other wives were there, but your MIL singles you out as not belonging at their family vacation?”
“This is heartbreaking and the fact that your husband didn’t apologize for hurting you so badly is not a good sign for your future.”- KarmaRan0verMyDogma
“So he wants you to stop pushing to be around your family, but when you stop pushing and go home, he still gets angry?”
“And he’s not worried at all about YOUR feelings or YOUR hurt.”
“He’s worried about ‘impressions’.”
“Do not have children with this man, OP.”
“He will constantly lie to you, demean you, and belittle you behind your back.”
“You now know that no matter how much or what you do for your husband, he will treat you as an inconvenience.”
“Why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly?”- Boring-Conclusion-78
“This is toxic.”
“He trash talked you to his family who were being nasty about you, tried to gaslight you and insists you continue putting up with his their treatment and let them have their own way.”
“He’s your HUSBAND and his family are still treating you like this.”
“You deserve better than these people.”
“You deserve better than HIM.”
“How much more of this could you possible take?”- Jlpippen
“Does he even like you?”- stacity
“Now that you’re married, it doesn’t matter how short a time, family vacations include you, full stop.”
“You should be expected to go with your husband.”
“Your in-laws are a**holes for not understanding that, and your husband is an a**hole for agreeing with them instead of backing you.”
“‘We’re married, Mother’.”
“‘If OP isn’t invited, then I’m not coming either!’.”
“You might have been an asshole had you deliberately listened in on a private conversation, but you just happened to overhear their conversation.”
“That’s not eavesdropping.”
“So, double a**hole points to your husband for deflecting.”- SamSpayedPI
“He obviously complains about you to his mother constantly.”
‘It’s no wonder his family doesn’t like you.”
“Your husband really sucks.”
“So his siblings can bring their spouses, but not you?”
“What’s that all about?”
“You’ve got a bad marriage. I don’t see it lasting.”
“You need to start making plans to get away from this man.”
“You will never be good enough no matter what you do.”
“His family are showing you that they will never accept you and your husband is showing you that he is ok with that.”
“He is also showing you that he will never put you first.”
“If a recently married man is willing to be this rude and disrespectful, trust me when I say it will it get worse from here.”
“You’re NTA but your husband’s family is a cesspit of a**holery.”- Affectionate-Emu9574
“You didn’t mess up, they did.”
“Instead of welcoming you or appreciating any of the help you gave during the time you were there, they had a snarky conversation when they thought you couldn’t hear.”
“It doesn’t sound like you demanded to be there, you asked and gave a reason and hubby agreed.”
“He does not have your back.”- CrystalQueen3000
“This man is supposed to be your husband and he openly told his family that he wished you weren’t there.”
“Girl! Why are you with him?”
“Why are you putting up with someone who clearly doesn’t value you as his wife or even a person?”
“He could’ve been supportive of your efforts but he chose to side with his family and just alienate you despite your help and attempts at getting along with family.”
“Honestly, from this little amount of information, he sounds like an unsupportive and gaslighting AH.”- poppurplepuff
“I would have done the same thing.”
“How is it okay that his siblings spouses are welcomed but you had to invite yourself?”- Treyceme
“Your husband and his family make a point of excluding you from family events and the spend their time bad mouthing you when you do come along, and you are the villain for eavesdropping and coming along in the first place?”
“This is typical abusive behavior.”
“To try to turn the blame around on the victim.”
‘Your husband’s family should have gotten used to you before your wedding.”
“As far as the ‘really bad impression’, this is more victim blaming.’
“Your husband, and his family, have been ignoring how their actions have been hurting you for a while now and placing the entire effort of this relationship on you.”
“Don’t worry about messing things up for them, they messed it up for you first.”
“Your response to what they did was, in fact, kind of restrained.”
“You would have been justified in busting in and confronting them right then.”- bamf1701
The OP began this vacation hoping to get on better terms with her in-laws, only to return on shaky terms with her husband.
Indeed, the only thing more upsetting than the in-law’s behavior, is the OP’s husband’s agreement that he didn’t want her there either.
Unless he offers the OP the apology she deserves, he very well might never have to worry about her joining him on any vacation ever again.
With or without his family.