Celebrations are important.
It is vital, particularly these days, to find the joys and delights in our lives wherever we can.
Whether it’s an A on a test or a marriage proposal, it’s crucial that we celebrate the triumphs in our lives.
What happens, though, when someone does their best to destroy that celebration?
Moreover, what if that person is someone close to you?
That was the question facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Throwawaybf991 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
In a now-removed post, she asked:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend to stfu in front of my whole family because of the comment he made about my sister’s pregnancy?”
OP began with a brief history.
“My sister (female 36) and her husband suffered from infertility for a long time.”
“Yesterday we found that she’s expecting which was amazing, we were all happy for her because we know how much this meant to her and her husband.”
“They’ve been through so much heartbreak and disappointment in the past.”
“She decided to gather the family and make the announcement at my parents’ house, my bf and I were invited too.”
“We didn’t know about it right away til post-dinner when my sister got up from her seat, held her husband’s hand and made the announcement.”
“We (the women) all got up to congratulate her.”
She then explained the problem at hand.
“Once we sat down, my bf seemed puzzled, he tried to talk to my sister for a bit then asked her to tell him how old she was again.”
“My sister hesitantly said ’36’.”
“He made a face and said ‘wow, didn’t know women at this age can still be “functional” when it comes to breeding’ sudden silence took over.”
“My sister looked down and then her husband lashed out at my bf asking wtf his problem was.”
“My bf tried to mumble something that’s when I loudly told him ‘shut the f*ck up (his name)!’.”
“He looked at me in shock and my family stared at him.”
“He seemed very offended and mad, he quickly got up, took his keys and rushed out after saying ‘excuse me’ my mom replied ‘excuse you’.”
“I apologized to my sister but she started crying, I was mad I went home and had a fight with my boyfriend.”
Later,
“He yelled about how I belittled him and insulted him in front of family by telling him to STFU.”
“I told him what he did was not ok and it ruined my sister’s long-awaited announcement.”
“He said he was giving facts not ‘personal opinions’, I told him I did the same then.”
“He got more agitated and said I owe him a huge apology after I insulted him publicly.”
“I replied that he should’ve held his tongue facts or not. He went outside and then started giving me silence til I apologize for what I said.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were very direct.
“NTA.”
“What facts does he think he was ‘just saying?’ The fact that he’s completely ignorant about women and fertility? He should be embarrassed” ~ DancingRose13
And,
“The fact here was that he needed to stfu.”
“NTA.” ~ shymermaid11
Others gave a much more thorough response.
“He’s a misogynist that needs to be thrown out.”
“Functional? Breeding? Does he consider women animals? NTA.”
“You’ve got yourself a real winner of a boyfriend there, OP.”
” ‘wow, didn’t know women at this age can still be “functional” when it comes to breeding’ “
INFO: What the f*ck?
“Your boyfriend is either the most clueless guy ever, or a big ass MISOGYNIST.”
“Most likely the second. Giving birth is one of the most difficult, meaningful and life-changing things women experience – breeding? Jesus f*cking Christ.”
“I told him what he did was not ok and it ruined my sister’s long-awaited announcement.”
“In one of the worst ways, too. It’s not just a ‘I interrupted you during an important moment’ thing, but also ‘I rubbed salt into your long standing wound’ thing.”
“Fertility struggles is incredibly painful.”
“He was giving facts not ‘personal opinions’ “
“No one asked for his facts. SMH.”
“It’s not even a fact, or an opinion. It’s just plain wrong.”
“Women can still – technically at least – conceive until they hit menopause. Having a child at 36 isn’t weird or uncommon. Plenty of women – now more than ever – have kids in their 30s.”
” ‘I owe him a huge apology after I insulted him publicly. He went outside and then started giving me silence til I apologize for what I said.’ “
“If he’s offended and embarrassed, he shouldn’t have said such stupid things. Some people need their feelings hurt.”
“The more concerning thing here is that a) he has no regard for your or your sister’s feelings, and b) he’s punishing you for not giving him an apology.”
“He’s embarrassed? Did he think about you who was embarrassed in front of your family because of something you have no control over?”
“Or your sister, whose big announcement was ruined by a childish and hurtful comment? He shouldn’t be so self-centered.”
“Giving you the silent treatment afterwards is super manipulative.” ~ GoodGirlsGrace
Or,
“Not only that but also completely ignorant on how to act in social situations.”
“Like how did he think that was going to go over? I assume he’s aware of their fertility issues and obviously, the couple and her entire family was excited.”
“Did he honestly think this would go over well?”Â
” ‘Let me just offer my ridiculous, ignorant, and offensive comments to this woman in front of her entire family after she announces her pregnancy, I’m sure everyone will be super happy to hear my ‘facts’ “.
“Which how tf is him saying ‘wow I didn’t know a woman’s uterus isn’t mummified by the times she’s a whopping 36 yrs old’ a fact?!?”
“He sounds incredibly ignorant, arrogant, and devoid of common sense and social skills. Like seriously, read the room man, you don’t have to say every thought that pops into your head.” ~ ClutzyCashew
There were also personal stories, of course.
“My 3rd is due on Tuesday, and I’ll be 38 next month.”
“NTA.”
“He was spouting his opinion, not facts.”
“The risk factor only increases a negligible amount each year past 35. Women can have babies until they go through menopause, which most typically does not happen mid-thirties.”
“Your AH bf did indeed need to stfu. Congrats to your sister, OP. May they have a healthy and complication-free pregnancy.” ~ Lelluriennian
And,
“My mum had her first at 42 and me at 45!”
“Women can keep having babies until menopause. My great-grandma quite literally did (16 kids in 20 years!)”
“His comment was uninformed and just plain gross” ~ lumoslomas
And,
“I had my first baby at 36 and my second one at 39.”
“Medically, It was referred to as a ‘geriatric pregnancy.’ Don’t know if anything has changed since the 90’s in this regard, but I did have difficult pregnancies both times.”
“My doctor said my problems were directly related to my age.”
“I had no problems getting pregnant, however. That’s not to say there aren’t thousands of women having problem-free pregnancies at the same age. . . “
“And it still doesn’t excuse the idiocy that spewed from OP’s bf’s mouth. But my doctor did tell me that, from a medical POV, the ‘prime’ time for women to have babies is in their 20’s.”
“Interesting fact . . . Doctor also told me that women that have babies very young, like 14/15, are at risk for the same problems as the ‘geriatric’ mothers.” ~ HarlequinMadness
Commenters pointed out how cruel OP’s boyfriend had been.
“And not just the phrasing.”
“He’s sitting there watching and listening as the room erupts in shouts of joy. Her family jumps up and surrounds her in ecstatic happiness for her.”
“STBX-bf sits there, taking it all in, and decides he has to…well, NOT ask a question. He kinda, sorta phrases it as a question, but it’s an insulting statement.”
“Why didn’t he read the room and just shut up? (The older I get the more I think that ‘shutting up’ is an important skill everyone should learn and use.)”
“Why did he feel the need to puncture the joy? (There’s no way he was unaware that he was insulting SiL).”
“If he was genuinely confused about human procreation, why didn’t he wait until he’s back in the car with OP?”
“This isn’t just tone-deafness, this was a knowing and willing action to control the situation, be the center of attention, change the mood and insult SiL (and, really, everyone there).”
“If he had a month to plan a better way to completely ruin the moment, hurt SiL and have everyone hate him…”
“…he couldn’t have done better than what he did.” ~ pcnauta
Celebrations are vital.
However, not everyone likes the idea of other people being happy.
Be careful and always remember to cling to the joys that the world gives you, and distance yourself from those things – or people – that try to take that joy away.