Redditor babyregistryfight has a sister who is expecting and held a baby shower that wound up leaving her dissatisfied.
When things didn’t go as expected, she went around “aggravating” friends and family members for weeks.
So it was time for the Redditor to step in and try to reason with her. However, in the process of providing an explanation for what happened, the Redditor snapped.
Feeling guilty, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she should’ve been more reasonable with her baby registry and not expected to get everything for the baby from it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“To start, my dad’s side of the family isn’t really supportive of wedding or baby showers.”
“Papaw’s side is very much, ‘If you can’t afford to raise a baby, don’t have one’ (there are of course exceptions for things like sudden job loss or house fires).”
“Mamaw’s side is a little more lenient, but they don’t do registries. Instead, if you have a bridal shower, your mom tells people if you’re doing the kitchen in apples or grapes or bats or whatever.”
“And if you’re doing a baby shower, people bring clothes, diapers, books, and other little things. It’s meant to be more of a party than a gift-giving thing.”
“We’re far more likely to have eight cousins show up each with a casserole or soup after the baby is born than to have people buy a stroller.”
Mom’s side isn’t relevant since we haven’t seen her since we were kids.
“I don’t know my BIL’s side of the family well, but they seem a lot like Mamaw’s with a lot more offers of hand-me-downs thrown in.”
“Well, my sister moved off to the city, and I guess she’s used to her friends making these huge registries?”
“She put things on like a $60 bathtub, four baby carriers that are $50 each, a Pac-n-Play for $250, etc. She then made this big post on Facebook saying that they had worked really hard on the registry and didn’t want anything not from it unless it was clothes.”
“On the invitation, she requested a baby book instead of a card and a pack of diapers.”
“So at the baby shower, probably 80% of the gifts were a couple of outfits, a book, and diapers. The few other things were mostly from her friends. Mom bought a car seat.”
“You could see my sister’s rage slowly building. She ended up leaving early.”
“She spent the next week calling and texting everybody, trying to figure out why we didn’t get her anything she wanted.”
“She made a few posts on Facebook, and one of my BIL’s aunts offered to buy a $70 Pac-n-Play instead, which she turned down.”
“Now my sister is pissy and has been aggravating everyone for three weeks. She is having to buy all six baby containers (swing, sit-me-up floor seat, etc.) she wanted, the $300 baby monitor, etc.”
“Everybody is telling her that that’s what you do when you have a kid, that you can’t expect people to buy everything.”
“Last night, after trying to be patient for over an hour, I snapped, ‘Look, the Health Dept. would’ve mailed you birth control for free. You’re having a baby, so it’s you guys’ job to get the stuff for it, nobody else’s.'”
“Anyway, I’m feeling kind of guilty because she probably wanted to vent, but at the same time, how do you get pregnant and not expect to buy the stuff for the baby?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole and that their sister was too demanding in her lavish requests.
“NTA. She doesn’t need a $60 bathtub! Sinks exist. Four carriers??? Is she going to theme them to what the baby is wearing?”
“She was highly excessive in her asking. Sure you could have been a little kinder in your wording and just said she can’t expect everyone to buy her every single item, but she’s the one who is asking people to spend tons of money when she doesn’t need all those items!”
“Plus, to turn down a pack n play because it’s not the exact $250 she wanted? How rude. Baby doesn’t need a $250 one, a $70 would have worked the exact same way. She’s expecting everyone else to finance a designer baby and harassing people when they don’t want to!”
“DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING!” – yukidaviji
“NTA. Suggest that she add ‘a freaking clue’ to her registry and people might be willing to chip in and buy her that.” – Anakerie
“NTA. There’s venting, and then there’s ‘harass your baby shower guests via multiple communication channels because you’ve decided they didn’t spend enough money on you in the exact ways you feel they should have spent money on you.'”
“Which is not an acceptable way to handle disappointment over gifts even if you come from a family that expects and refuses to deviate from registry suggestions.” – mm172
“NTA- also, maybe it’s the culture clash (US/UK) but am I the only one here who finds gift registry tacky?”
“Like if you throw an something like a baby shower or wedding it’s to celebrate the important events in your life with the people you love (if you can’t afford it and are relying on guests “gifts” to make up the deficit don’t throw it )”
“Gifts should be at the discretion of the invitees and not mandatory, a gesture or token of appreciation. Giving people a list of pre-approved stuff you want them to get you seems sort of classless and greedy or am I way off?” – Top_Cauliflower_3963
The OP clarified a few points in edit.
“Someone pointed out that I wasn’t clear about my sister’s financial situation or whether or not the Pac-n-Play was going to be used instead of crib due to constraints. She and her husband live in a townhouse. It has a second bedroom which is being turned into a nursery. There was a crib on the registry that does not convert to a larger size.”
“‘Mom’ is our stepmom. Dad remarried when we were teens. She’s always seen us as her kids, and we’ve always called her Mom. I didn’t even think to clarify. Sorry for the confusion!”
“She opened the gifts at the shower, and the clothes ranged from newborn to 18 months. The diaper table was full of things from newborn through size 4. I don’t know if that’s relevant to anything, but a lot of people seem to think we only got her newborn sizes.”
Overall, some people remained critical of the sister’s unrealistic expectations and backed the OP for calline her out on it.