Deciding what personal details or important life events you share with destructive or abusive people in your life can be a major challenge.
Tell them, and you may be subject to their unhealthy opinions and actions. Withhold, and you risk the abuse escalating further.
Redditor aitapregpost recently clashed with her mom over her pregnancy announcement, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my parents I was pregnant in a FB (Facebook) post?”
The OP (original poster) explained how she was shocked to discover she was pregnant.
“Throwaway because my mother stalks all my SM (social media) accounts, sorry for any typos, I’m very tired and upset right now.”
“I (27f[emale]) recently found out I was pregnant (around 6.5 months along), it came as a bit of a surprise as although my partner and I have been trying for almost 2 years I hasn’t had any nausea, weight gain etc. and my periods hadn’t stopped (although they’ve always been erratic due to health issues).”
She then detailed her relationship with her abusive parents.
“I am very very LC (limited/low contact) with my parents. My mother and stepfather are extremely narcissistic people who micromanaged my entire childhood up until I turned 18 and my stepfather kicked me out because ‘you aren’t my problem any more’.”
“I speak to my mother maybe once a year when she has her annual breakdown and starts going to therapy and pretends to get better so that she can visit me and my sister and her grandkids (my sister’s kids).”
“My sis is currently NC (no contact) with our parents because they called her a sh*tty parent for not being stricter with her kids – read between the lines here, I can’t say it or the post will be removed). It never lasts long and our stepfather doesn’t even bother to pretend.”
Given how they reacted to her desire to have kids, the OP had no reason to update them about her pregnancy.
“The last time I spoke to them was January of 2020 and I told them I was trying to get pregnant, they told me I’d be a sh*tty parent because I’m too soft and that I’d raise spoilt, selfish brats. I haven’t spoken to them since.”
“Over Easter my sister’s family, mine and my partner’s family all got together and we had a big family photo that I shared to my FB page along with me holding an Easter-themed onesie over my stomach and a little post about how I’d have a daughter of my own for next Easter.”
But the Facebook post didn’t go over well with the OP’s mom.
“Today my mother called me and ripped into me for not telling her and basically accused me of lying by omission to her.”
“I hung up on her and she then called my partner and called him a monster for not telling her and asked him how he felt being married to a liar, he told her to piss off and hung up.”
“She then screenshot my post and put up a FB rant about how I and my sister are such evil people for not allowing her to be a grandmother etc. I’m really upset now, my sister and partner say that I’m not the A here but I’m conflicted.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They didn’t blame the OP for withholding her pregnancy news from her parents.
“NTA. Didn’t she just show you why it was best that you didn’t tell her in a more personal way? I mean, she must be aware that stress is bad for a pregnant person and here she is, causing you stress.”
“She’s lucky you haven’t blocked her from your FB and didn’t specify who could see your announcement because technically you could have prevented her from seeing it there too, and she’d have had to rely on the grapevine to inform her then.”
“Plus her reaction when you told her you’d be trying was totally outrageous and not in a good way.”
“Sometimes having bad parents growing up makes you into a better parent. Perhaps she feels threatened that you’ll be a way more amazing parent than she ever was.”
“Congrats on the news, I hope everything goes well and you give birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl!”—jammy913
“In almost all circumstances I’d say finding out big news through FB sucks. This isn’t one of them. She’s lucky you even allowed her that.”
“Congratulations!! You’re already over halfway there and have bigger and better things to worry about.”
“You owe this person nothing except distance and well wishes if you can muster that.”
“It’s time to, as others mentioned, block her for a good long while. Your precious baby doesn’t deserve to be subjected to this OR see their momma subjected to to this either.”
“You’ve described a hamster wheel of bs and you need to get off of it and move on. (and up!)”
“NTA”—darkstarsxx
“NTA”
“Your parents sound like horrible people. If I was you I would cut them out completely after this.”
“You aren’t thinking of just you and your partner any more, you have a daughter to think about and she doesn’t need those kinds of people in her life.”—ConfettiConfessions
“Last message before going NC like her sister: ‘Mom, if I’m what you call a ‘$h*!!y parent’ that’s far better than being an abusive parent like you and stepdad.’
“Then boom, blocked. OP, set all your SM to private and block your mother.”
“Your sister has the right idea; your mom keeps pretending to change to have access to her grandkids, but never actually does, and likely never will. NTA.”—Anonymotron42
They all gave the OP the same advice: eliminate that toxicity from your life.
“I wouldn’t even bother trying to get the last word in. Just block them everywhere. The people in the Easter photo are OP’s family.”—SnooLemons9285
“NTA. You need to block Mommie Dearest and make your SM accounts private.”
“The last thing you want is her causing drama for you and your family, and that’s the only thing that’s going to come of letting her stalk your pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting experiences on social media.”—SnakesCantWearPants
“‘They told me I’d be a sh*tty parent because I’m too soft and that I’d raise spoilt, selfish brats.'”
“Well, that’s the clincher right there. You were already LC, then you tried to share happy news, and you got that response, and went NC.”
“At that point it’s fair to assume you’re not getting followup news. Your mother sounds unstable and should definitely not be allowed near your kids, and should feel lucky she’s even your FB friend.
“NTA.”—Noltonn
“Well, time to go from low contact, to NO contact. You have gotten along just fine without her, you will do better without the stress—especially now that you are pregnant. (Congratulations, btw!)”
“You have family, you took a photo with them at Easter. Enjoy them. Good for your husband and sister for sticking up for you.”
“Your mother has already had a chance to be a grandmother with your sister’s kids. Look how that has worked out.”
“See if you can’t block your mom’s access to your social media. You can ‘lie by omission’, (omg), for the rest of her life. NTA.”—Servantofbosco
Hopefully the OP can find the strength to do what she needs to do for the sake of her own wellbeing and that of her unborn baby.