While engaged couples discussing wedding plans can be exhilarating, arranging prenuptial agreements can be downright unromantic.
Redditor throwRA_southparking is a 33-year-old man who had been previously divorced and wanted to get a prenup before getting married to his girlfriend of four years.
His 36-year-old fiancée was opposed to the idea and accused him of anticipating the possibility of a divorce from her in the future.
However, a recent turn of events made her change her tune.
The fiancé sought input from strangers on the Relationship Advice suReddit, where he wrote:
“Fiance didn’t want to sign a prenup with me, got inheritance, now wants prenup.”
The Original Poster (OP) began by providing their financial information.
“A little background here is that I make around $250k a year, my fiance makes around $65k a year.”
“We’ve both been divorced. I asked for a prenup protecting my existing assets: two rental properties (worth around $400k together), my retirement account, my house which I live in, existing savings account, and just sentimental things.”
“I offered to pay for a lawyer for her, and make anything earned AFTER the wedding fair game in a divorce split.”
“In my previous divorce my ex took a lot that I had before we ever even met each other, and took a lot of things with sentimental value just to hurt me.”
“I floated the idea of a prenup and she was not OK with it. It hurt her feelings, and she said I was planning for a divorce if I want a prenup.”
“She had this idea that when we marry everything becomes ours. We’ve been dating for 4 years, and had very few bumps so I don’t see a super high risk of divorce but I do acknowledge it’s there.
“Anyways, I love her, and I said sure.”
“Fast forward a couple months, her grandmother abruptly died (wasn’t expected. Grandmother was quite healthy before. Had a heart attack).”
“Apparently the grandmother left the entire estate to her; Worth roughly $800k.”
“Now, the tables have turned and she wants a prenup protecting these assets from me which I was fine with, but she doesn’t want to sign my prenup in return for that.”
“Her reasoning is that her grandmother wouldn’t have wanted her wealth to ‘leave her direct family and that there’s a reason it was left all to me and not my siblings or parents,’ and that the prenup must not have been important to me because I threw out the idea after minimal pushback.”
“I’m at a loss here.”
“In one regard I’m glad we had prenup discussions because it brought out these sides of us, but I’m really wondering if this 4-year relationship that has been full of nothing but love and support for each other until now is even salvageable.”
“She’s not willing to budge on her OWN prenup like I was, and I’m finding this whole situation very frustrating.”
Many Redditors quickly noted the hypocrisy of the fiancée wanting to protect her assets while denying the OP’s right to protect his.
“Maybe highlight the fact that she said that a prenup meant that there was a plan for divorce. Ask her how your request is different from if you planned on keeping your wealth and assets in your ‘direct family’ too.”
“A compromise will definitely be needed from you fiancé. Don’t budge on your prenup. It’s reasonable.”
“She should understand where you’re coming from, especially since she seems to feel the same about protecting important assets.”
“If there’s hostility because of the prenups, it’s definitely worth waiting until it’s resolved before moving ahead with the wedding.” – Designer-Memory
“You’ll say a prayer every night and thank that grandma. Her death showed you who your fiancée is.” – EdWilkinson
“She signs yours first and after you sign hers.”
“This is the way, the only way.”
“Bounce if that don’t work.” – whoreheyrrmartini
“This is blatant hypocrisy. I almost never say this, but it is line-in-the-sand time. Either you both sign, or no one does. That’s that.” – Herald_Of_Nothing
“Not just that, but it shows a side of her that you didn’t see until now. She values her protection over yours.”
“It may mean that she’s already preparing mentally that a divorce is possible, but doesn’t want to be left out in the cold if it happened.”
“She would love to have whats yours but wont be comfortable with you having whats hers. Major red flag here. Do not continue until you’ve consulted a lawyer, and certainly don’t sign hers if she wont sign yours.” – Dont-Drone-Me-Bro
“I’m also willing to be that she would be more than happy to spend OPs earnings on stuff for the “two” of them, but that inheritance is hers.” – gay_flatulent
The OP was strongly encouraged to terminate his engagement with this woman.
“OP, please hear me out. Your fiancé sounds very selfish. She’s taking the position that ‘What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine’.”
“I think that if this is how she’s behaving now, things are only going to get worse as she becomes more and more comfortable in your relationship.”
“I think she’s showing you her true colors and it’s best if you break up with her to avoid future drama around money issues.”
“When you asked for a prenup, instead of looking at it from your point of view of protecting your assets that you had before meeting her and definitely before marrying her, she’s thinking that you are looking to divorce her.”
“Did she ever think that, had that been the case, you would not have even considered marrying her at all. That brings me to this another point.”
“After observing her behavior, if you still choose to stay with her (don’t say that Redding didn’t warn you), think long and hard before getting married to this person. If and when things go wrong, she’ll go to extreme lengths to protect her assets from you while trying to grab as much of your assets as she can.”
“You are still young with a significant earnings and earnings potential. I wouldn’t be surprised if you meet someone else right away who’s values align with yours and won’t have an issue with a prenup.” – AveenaLandon
“Yup. Major red flag that she wants to protect her stuff from him but doesn’t feel that he has a right to protect his stuff from her. You can’t have it both ways.” – DJDrizzleDazzle
“I wouldn’t marry her either way over this. You’re seeing what it’s going to be like when she splits from you. The same as the last one.”
“Never doubt our ability to find the same type of women over and over even if we convince ourselves we haven’t.”
“Don’t lie to yourself to overlook the fact that she fed you some straight BS to have access to half of your sh*t she didn’t put in on. Only to turn around and want to hoard her own and still be able to take half yours.”
“I’m normally the guy who tries to see the other angle in all this, but you got a digger bro, run.” – Strippersteve82
The general consensus among Redditors was that the OP should not move forward with wedding plans unless she agrees to sign his prenup first.