Being selected as a member of a wedding party can be stressful on its own, especially for a wedding with an accelerated timeline.
But is it wrong to drop out of a wedding due to awful treatment, even if it puts the bride in a bind?
Redditor YellowyEcho recently ran into this issue with her sister’s upcoming nuptials, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong.
She asked:
“AITA for pulling out of my sister’s wedding as her bridesmaid with only a small amount of time to go?”
The original poster (OP) was initially hopeful after being asked to join her sister’s bridal party.
“My sister (30f[emale]) is getting married in a little over two months. She got engaged in January and everything has been fast moving.”
“She asked me and three of her friends to be her bridesmaids. We all said yes.”
“I was apprehensive but my sister and I always had an okay relationship and I hoped this meant we could be closer. But that has been far from the truth.”
But things quickly soured thanks to her sister’s best friend.Â
“We had three dress appointments and the last two her best friend has been really sh*tty to me. Making fun of my weight and pointing out that I’m the less pretty sister (which is something I have lived with my whole life pretty much).”
“My sister said nothing. I brought it up to her between appointments and she brushed me off and said I was always too sensitive.”
“Not even when her best friend suggested I wear a trash bag so it would hide my disgusting body. Our brother was there and pretty much was the only person to stand up for me.”
“And then he encouraged me to drop out of the wedding, told me I deserved better, and so that’s what I did.”
Her decision to drop out has only sparked more drama with her family.
“My sister freaked and now I’m left with her making jabs at me and my parents think I should grin and bear it and just do it because it was such short notice.”
“They said they would talk to her and get her to make sure they treat me better. The pressure is on me and I have been called an a**hole for dropping out like this.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They were less than thrilled by the sister’s actions.
“NTA. Your brother is the best. Keep people like him around.”
“In terms of your sister, I suggest you throw the whole sister in the trash.”—ogurzhov
“Yeah keep the brother and dump the sister. She maybe pretty on the outside but she and her friends are ugly on the inside.”
“You don’t deserve them spewing that on you. Your parents shouldn’t be pressuring you to take that abuse.”—Tash8683
“NTA. Your sister should’ve thought of that before letting her friends treat you like garbage.”
“Your brother is right. You DO deserve better.”—brownies671
“NTA your sister doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid. She just doesn’t like the loss of control and you dropping out exposes how badly she was behaving.”
“Likewise, your parents are just protesting because it’s easier for them if you absorb her negativity and they can pretend their daughter isn’t a jerk. No one deserves to be treated that way and I hope you hold firm.”—Nyankh
One Redditor had some tough love for the OP.
“Seriously, it takes $0 and 0 effort to keep nasty comments to yourself. Bestie couldn’t seem to manage that and Sister did nothing to stop her.”
“I get the stress of wedding planning, especially planning one so quickly, but OP isn’t the one causing the issue here.”
“It would take all of 15 seconds for Sister to say ‘Bestie, you’re not helping the situation. In fact you’re making it worse. Leave OP alone, stop causing drama, or please locate the nearest exit and use it.'”
“But she hasn’t and she won’t. Bestie is an AH and shouldn’t need to be reminded to keep her comments to herself. Sister is an AH for not shutting down Bestie’s BS.”
“One thing, for me at least, isn’t clear: What is the point of you being a bridesmaid anyway?”
“Familial obligation? Aesthetics? A little of column A, a little of column B?”
“I hate to say this, OP, as I know you were hoping this experience would bring you and Sister closer, but she really doesn’t seem to value you as a person.”
“She values your place in her wedding that now may not be able to be filled on such short notice, but if she truly cared about you, she would have put a stop to the cruel comments when they happened, or at the very least, when you brought them up to her.”
“Instead, she dismissed it as you ‘being too sensitive’.”
“Your parents are no better. Again, planning a wedding is stressful, but advising you to just ‘grin and bear it and just do it’ and saying that ‘they’ll talk to her’ is beyond patronizing.”
“Your feelings are valid and you are worthy of respect, but that is not how you are being treated, accept by Brother. If it were me, I’d hold fast to backing out and have a sit-down with Mom, Dad, and Sister about it.”
“I’d say ‘I was excited to be a part of this wedding and hoped it would bring us closer as sisters. I was mistaken, quite clearly. Bestie repeatedly insulted me without provocation, and instead of causing a scene, I quietly asked Sister to intervene, where I was dismissed as being ‘too sensitive’ and her hateful words were allowed to continue.'”
“‘Brother heard her nastiness and has been the only person to stand up for me. Even Mom and Dad expect me to just accept being treated this way. Well, I won’t. I’m not an a**hole for not being a doormat.'”
“‘I don’t understand why Sister is so upset that I won’t be in the wedding anymore, as it’s pretty obvious that I’m not valued. Perhaps she’s a bit ‘too sensitive’….'”
“Every time Sister makes a jab at you, just say ‘I think you’re being too sensitive.’ ‘Too sensitive!’ ‘Why so sensitive?’ and variations on the theme.”
“NTA, OP. Family doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.”—StellaLuna108
Others had a few petty suggestions of their own.
“I wouldn’t even attend the wedding at this point. Only recommend if OP feels would be best for her mental health. NTA.”—ksharonisok
“My totally petty suggestion to OP would be to record every conversation from here on out, then tell them you’ll go to the wedding if you can play the recording during the reception so everyone can see the bride’s true beauty.”—TitaniaT-Rex
“And at the last minute before going down the aisle, put a trash bag on as an accessory or tie it around your waist. No one will talk about the bride.”
“Be prepared never to be spoken to again by many family members, but from what it sounds like, you’re better off.”
“NTA”—ShushingCassiopeia
“Me too. I would just not go.”
“Or if I did go, I’d go in a trash bag and announce loudly MOH suggested it to hide my disgusting body repeatedly to every single guest at the wedding. Or I would just imagine that in my head. 😂”—noonenottoday
“Honestly, if I was OP I would show up only wearing a trash bag.”
“You think I am Trash? Fine, then that is how I will show up and present myself on your biggest and best day since that is what you seem to think of me.”
“Would take balls and some real self assurance/confidence, but I think it would be the best way to say f**k you.”—DistractedAttorney
If the OP doesn’t quite feel like lighting a match and walking away, she can at least be confident knowing that Reddit has her back on this one.
If she’d be miserable participating in the wedding, then she should do whatever is best for her mental health, even if her family doesn’t like it.