Looking for a new job is a very stressful endeavor.
Sending out resumes, filling out applications, and then, of course, the dreaded interview.
Even though you have no idea what they might ask you, you always want to be as prepared as possible, making sure you'll answer all questions in a way that highlights your skills, and make them want to hire you.
That is, of course, if this is a company you want to be working at.
When Redditor Fun-Construction-112 overheard their girlfriend interviewing for possible new jobs ahead of their move to a new city, they were appalled to hear how she was handling them.
But when the original poster (OP) confronted her about this, she had plenty to say in return.
Wondering if they had done anything wrong, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for criticizing how my girlfriend takes job interviews? She basically interviews them, and I feel like she isn't taking it seriously."
The OP explained why they felt compelled to intervene with their girlfriend after overhearing a number of her job interviews.
"My girlfriend is at a job she can't do remotely, and we're planning to move to another state together, so she's job hunting right now."
"Her first interview, she had a call with a top company whose recruiter had messaged her on LinkedIn."
"I was expecting her to treat it normally, but she spent an hour grilling the company on its engineering practices then withdrew her application."
"And the next few calls with companies she had, she basically grilled them all and decided against moving forward with four of the six."
"I told her around then, that I feel like she's making a mistake, being so picky, and she's gonna ruin her reputation in the industry if she's going around taking interviews and cutting the process off early."
"She said she wasn't making any enemies, hell, the companies she dropped had been emailing and calling constantly, wanting to bring her in for another interview or asking her to reconsider."
"If anything, she was a hotter commodity."
"I felt like she was probably still hurting her reputation long term, even if her little power play was working for a bit."
"She said it wasn't a power play, it was professional, she just didn't want to waste anyone's time."
"But the next interview I overheard started a big argument."
"One of her final two companies had her taking a Zoom interview and she was laughing it up with an interviewer and he was telling her this story about how he and his coworkers fell off a barge into the river working on a project."
"And she just was like 'waiiit they had y'all doing that, not tied off to anything?'"
"'Look as funny as that is, that's honestly kind of f*cked up they put y'all in danger like that - I'm honestly gonna have to withdraw my application'."
"She got off the phone and said 'Damn, people really tell on themselves if you just listen and smile, did you hear that sh*t?'"
"And I said that I thought she ended it a little prematurely like didn't even ask if they'd changed anything there, just ended the call."
"I said it felt like she was trying to delay getting a new job, was she getting cold feet or something?"
"She said no, this is literally how people at her level interview, she was serious about the interview process and she wasn't interested in walking into a sh*t show."
"I said that was BS, she was sabotaging herself on purpose basically haranguing the companies who want to hire her on the phone."
"And she was like "why do they keep coming back for more then?"
"Like I'm critical, but I'm not wrong, and they know it."
"We had this big fight where she insisted that anyone who was at her level of a career 'interviewed' by interviewing companies to see whether they were worth their time, just as much as the other way around, and I said that was BS."
"She got mad I was telling her about her own career and said she knew it better."
"I feel like she's dragging her feet, she says she's interviewing normally for her field."
"AITA for arguing with my girlfriend about her interviews?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who agreed that they were definitely the a**hole for the way they talked to their girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP's girlfriend was handling all her interviews completely correctly, and it was not the OP's place to tell her otherwise.
"YTA your gf is actually doing this right."
"She should be interviewing the company and withdrawing when they don't meet her expectations."
"They need her, she doesn't need them."
"I also don't walk into sh*tshows."
"I'm at the level and experience I don't have to."
"Sounds like she's in the same spot."
"It's also her job, her life, and her decisions on how to manage it - are you going to work at these jobs with her?"
"No?"
"Keep your nose out of it then."- joeswastedtime
"I kind of went through this exact situation."
"We wanted to move."
"I was applying and got recruited to some."
"Asked their practices like normal and turned away a few."
"My husband had the same concern."
"I had to explain there's a caliber you have to hold the company to and yourself to if you plan on growth."
"He didn't get it until I got this job."
"I'm making double what was expected, moved, and my husband doesn't have to work."
"He's dancing in grocery stores."
"I've never seen him like this."
"Not going to say you're an a**hole."
"It's a genuine concern."
"But if y'all aren't in the same industry, she may know what's best."
"Trust her."
"Good luck."- Dizzy_Philosophy_198
"YTA."
"Your girlfriend is actually approaching it well, and making sure she doesn't end up working for a sh*tty employer."
"She seems to be in a field that has leverage, so good for her."
"You're supposed to ask questions."
"Compatibility goes both ways."
"Also, it's HER job."- crispyfishd*cks
"YTA."
"Not only does her approach work for her, but she's also being selective about taking the role that's the right fit for her at the right price, and that's the best thing you can do in a job search."
"You are giving her terrible advice, and you really need to stop before she decides that you are telling on yourself and dumps you."
"If you are going on interviews and not viewing the process as you also assessing them, you're doing it wrong."- rainyreminder
"YTA."
"Interviews are to determine if the position is a good fit for BOTH parties."
"That is why it is called an interview and not an audition."- Bitter-Conflict-4089
A contrite OP later returned with an update, confessing that they didn't handle the situation as well as they should have.
"Welp, you've convinced me."
"Plus all the other comments lol."
"I apologized to her, and we talked stuff out a little."
"TBH it's a lot of culture shock for me."
"I'm a first-generation college student, and I've never heard someone speak in an interview the way she did, and TBH I think I've been kind of hurting over how easy it is for her to go 'thanks but no thanks' to roles offering 150k - 300k yearly."
"In my field, the most I'll probably ever make is like 70k, and that's at senior levels."
"And I feel like I was just so incredulous that anyone would even consider turning down that kind of pay (she makes 160k now so any of those jobs would have been a great salary!)."
"But she's a PE, which means she's liable for whatever work she does and holds herself to a really high ethics standard, and she had real concerns that a bunch of the companies she's interviewing with could kill someone doing what they're doing."
"Which was also a shock to hear TBH, that a bunch of well-regarded companies are apparently sketchy as hell behind close doors."
"Like I was so caught up in the 'how tf could someone ever reject 2 or 300k from several top companies?'"
"That it didn't really hit me that her concerns were literally deadly serious."
"And I jumped to thinking that she's dragging her feet on moving, which tbh might be a bit of an insecurity too."
"So thanks to everyone who commented, I needed the wake-up call that I was being a d*ck."
"And apparently a dumba** at job interviews too haha."
No doubt, it's hard for some people to fathom that others have the luxury to be picky about their jobs.
Perhaps the OP might not have been quite so judgmental towards his girlfriend after giving it some thought.
The fact that the OP's girlfriend also seems to be moving to this new city for their convenience makes her even more entitled to be picky about her new job.
One can only hope she'll find one which will make her happy.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.