We all make mistakes, and honestly, the best thing we can do is own that fact and then take accountability for what we’ve done wrong.
But some people are so deluded, that they’ll say practically anything to pin the blame on someone else, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ResearchIII9654 caught his wife cheating on him more than a year prior but eventually agreed to go through couple’s counseling with her to see if they could make their marriage work.
But when she accused him of causing her affair partner to get a divorce after catching them in the act, the Original Poster (OP) knew their marriage was over.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for ‘robbing’ my wife’s affair partner, which has now led to his divorce?”
The OP discovered his wife was having a long-term affair.
“I (32 Male) have been married to my soon-to-be ex-wife, Madison (30 Female), for four years. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work.”
“About a year ago, I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom.”
“I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about the consequences. I did not want to go to jail.”
“Instead, I took all their clothes and left quietly. I went to a friend’s house but not before throwing all the clothes in a McDonald’s garbage can.”
“I turned off my phone and got s**t-faced with my buddy. His wife hosed us off in the morning.”
The OP’s wife’s affair partner got caught in the act by his wife, too.
“After I turned my phone back on, I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison.”
“First, she was scared because she got my updated flight information. Then she was upset that I hadn’t called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early. Then she freaked out that the house had been broken into. Then she went crazy because she figured out it was me. The messages just got more deranged.”
“The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. So if he had taken my clothes it would be obvious.”
“He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare keys from his house. Unfortunately for him, his wife smelled a rat and followed his friend back to my house, where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes.”
“Long story short, she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity, which caused their prenup to be canceled, which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant s**t show.”
The OP agreed to marriage counseling but not after learning his wife’s ulterior motives.
“It took a couple of months, but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it. Until recently.”
“In a counseling session, she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce was costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it was my fault.”
“I have never admitted to taking his stuff. To begin with I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn’t want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce. Now I just don’t care.”
“I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced and that I hope his ex takes everything.”
“I am still not living at home. I have my own apartment, and she can have the house if she wants it. Its equity has been upside-down since the very beginning, and I don’t want it.”
“I’m filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his reaction was justified, if not also hilarious.
“Serious style points on the clothes swipe and the phone off. She knew he knew, but he left the air dead silent.” – FRIKI-DIKI-TIKI
“How the OP handled this, I love it.”
“But of course, the ex is like, ‘Oh No, my affair partner is now being held accountable for cheating. How horrible!’ I mean of course it’s OP’s fault.”
“The audacity for them to cheat and then blame OP for being held accountable. NTA.” – trvllr
“Imagine trying to gaslight your husband that it was his poor reactions to finding his wife in bed with another guy that led to that ‘poor’ guy’s divorce? She needs to be kicked to the curb in no uncertain terms.”
“OP is NTA but needs to stop attending ANYTHING BUT divorce court with her.” – Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
“OP needs to unload in marriage counseling about how he feels about the affair partner, like ‘the kind of people who betray their spouse are scum, those who lie to their partner and sneak around are dirt, those who defend it afterward are the most bottom-feeding of the lot’ kind of thing.”
“Finally, OP hopes the cheated-on wife takes everything but his undies, and then smile sweetly and say, ‘But thankfully, we’re not like that.'” – Beth21286
“Defending the affair partner DURING their marriage counseling session…”
“If it’s not the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b***h.” – Why_r_people_
“OMG, I died laughing!”
“Your wife has a lot of nerve sticking up for her affair partner and claiming that you wronged him. How about the wrong her and him committed against you and his wife? Clearly she doesn’t regret her affair, just getting caught.”
“I wish you well and I hope all goes your way in the divorce. NTA.” – no_thanks_9802
“NTA. Cancel the rest of the marriage counseling sessions and get that divorce as soon as possible.”
“Hopefully, you are in an area where you can get restitution from the affair partner, and infidelity is considered to be at fault in divorce. If she stuck to her marital vows, she wouldn’t be in this situation, and it further proves that she is in communication with her affair partner currently.”
“I hope you are in contact with the betrayed spouse because she can potentially help you with your case by providing additional information and proof of the affair, including photos of the affair partner leaving in your clothes.”
“If you own that home and your name is on the deed, move back in and sleep in the guest room. Give her the absolute silent treatment. You do not want to make it look like you abandoned your home. Install cameras if you have to. Get that divorce and be free!” – SweetSerenityxxx
Others warned the OP to be careful and assumed his wife was still with her affair partner.
“The fact that she tried to blame his divorce on you and not the fact that they had an affair says a lot about her.” – Zern_
“Also, how does she know all this? Is she still talking to the guy, even though they are in marriage counseling?” – TroyMcClures
“Yeah, her sticking up for her affair partner in his divorce just proves that the OP’s wife isn’t sorry, doesn’t think what she did was wrong, and isn’t even taking accountability for her actions.”
“She did the exact same thing as her affair partner, but here she is making excuses for him and blaming other people for him facing the consequences.” – SomeRavenAtMyWindow
“She’s really sticking up for her own sense of entitlement. If he lost out due to violating a prenup, the affair partner is now a much less attractive fallback option once her marriage has failed.”
“OP is a king. The clothes in the garbage slap much harder than a cricket bat.” – trabergatron
“She’s just mad her affair partner is going to be broke when they get together.”
“They are probably STILL together, but now that she knows he is going to be broke, trying to monkey branch, and having a hard time of it.”
“She was probably waiting for her affair partner to successfully divorce and then leave OP for her affair partner once and for all.” – lookn2_eb
“So not only is she a deceitful cheater, but she is also a narcissist because she is not taking responsibility for her role and why this piece of s**t and her dumba** are the cause of his divorce.”
“Please divorce her. Life is too short to be stuck in a relationship with somebody you cannot trust.”
“She was f**king a dude in your house, and she had no remorse for it whatsoever. She is also not taking responsibility for breaking up not only her marriage but also his marriage, which he was a part of. He helped break up that marriage, not you. It’s time to move on, dude.”
“Also, she is clearly still in contact with this guy… because she really had no intention of saving her marriage; she probably just wants him to take care of her.”
“Because if she was serious about trying to save her marriage, she would have blocked him on everything, and she would have never blamed her soon-to-be ex-husband for the demise of that man’s marriage.”
“She is taking no credit for the bulls**t that she caused and he caused to get rid of her.” – leolawilliams5859
Not only did the subReddit think that the OP’s response was funny, but they thought it was smart to take the clothes instead of using the cricket bat. It was far less dangerous and was an unspoken indicator that the OP knew exactly what his wife was up to.
But now that he had done his part and attended the counseling sessions, the OP knew even more of what his wife was up to… that she clearly was not ready to hold herself accountable for her part in all of this, and also, that she likely still was seeing her affair partner, based on how much she knew about the demise of his marriage and prenuptial agreement.