It’s without question that moving is one of life’s most stressful events.
Relationships have broken up over a move.
Minds can be pushed to the limit.
Even when the move seems well-planned, there is always some unforeseen drama.
That’s why moving companies are overloaded with work.
Redditor movingdayaita wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For telling my wife to never volunteer me to help her family again?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (38 F[emale]) and I (39 M[ale]) have been married for 8 years and have a 4-year-old son.”
“My wife’s younger brother (Joe) and his G[irl]F[riend] are moving into an apartment together at the beginning of June.”
“But GF’s lease is up at the end of April so she needed to move out of her place.”
“But Joe currently lives in a studio apartment so he doesn’t have room for all her stuff.””
“So they were going to move all of GF’s stuff into a storage unit for a month until they get their new place together.”
“A little over a month ago Joe had asked my wife if we would be able to help them move GF’s stuff and she agreed.”
“My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] was supposed to watch our son so we could both help, but she fell ill and had to cancel.”
“My wife suggested trying to get a babysitter for that day but I didn’t want to spend hundreds on a babysitter to help someone move, that’s dumb.”
“And bringing a 4-year-old with us would not be helpful to anyone.”
“This turned into an argument between us because she said I should help them move while she watches our son since I’m stronger than she is and I know how to drive our truck with a trailer.”
“I told her that she should help them and have them rent a U-Haul for the day.”
“We ‘compromised’ by telling Joe that I would help them but they need to get a U-Haul instead of using our truck and trailer.”
“Then, the morning of the move (this past Saturday), my wife told me that a friend of her’s got suite tickets through work to a hockey game for that day and invited them.”
“Yes, suite tickets to a playoff hockey game.”
“She said she would be bringing our son since her friend was bringing her kids too.”
“Great, so not only do I get stuck helping someone move, but my wife and son get to go have an amazing experience together that I miss out on.”
“And yes, this was my son’s first major sporting event and I was missing it.”
“And wouldn’t you know it, Joe never got a U-Haul.”
“And his GF wasn’t even close to packed up and ready when I got there.”
“I spent 7-8 hours and multiple trips back and forth helping them move.”
“All the while my wife is sending pictures to our family group chat of how much fun they’re having at the hockey game.”
“When everyone was home that night, my wife was surprised that I wasn’t in a good mood.”
“She said that I acted like I barely cared when our son was telling us about the hockey game and how much fun it was.”
“I asked her if she was seriously confused about why I was upset and she told me to tell her.”
“So, I started railing off all the reasons I had to be pissed off.”
“She volunteered me to help, and she got to spend the day doing something very special with our son that I missed out on, her brother and his GF were not prepared, and I had spent the entire day doing manual labor.”
“I ended my little rant by telling her that she is never going to volunteer me to help her family ever again.”
“She told me I was overreacting and I can’t hold it against her that her friend invited them to the game.”
“She also said I’m not being fair by blaming her for Joe and his GF.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Jeeeeeez NTA.”
“She told me I was overreacting and I can’t hold it against her that her friend invited them to the game.”
“You’re not holding it against her that her friend invited them to the game, that’s ridiculous.”
“You’re upset that while she volunteered and strong-armed you into doing this favor, she apparently was having a grand old time.”
“How callous do you have to be to not only continuously send pictures of their good time while you’re stuck doing something SHE made you do, but then to pretend you’re upset because she was invited by a friend?”
“I’m guessing you couldn’t care less that she was invited.”
“I’m guessing what actually hurts is her blatant disregard for your time and energy.”
“On top of that, missing your son’s first like that.”
“She also said I’m not being fair by blaming her for Joe and his GF.”
“Remind me who volunteered you for the job?” ~ ashleighbuck
“I think the wife knows she was in the wrong, so she tried to change the argument.”
“It was almost successful, too, and made OP doubt himself enough to make this post.” ~ UteLawyer
“I can see it being about the game as well.”
“I have friends for whom taking their son to his first big sporting event would be an event on par with first words or first steps.”
“It would hurt them deeply to miss that.” ~ ACorania
“NTA. If your B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] and his girlfriend weren’t packed when you arrived, you should have left and told them to call you when they were done packing.”
“If someone asks for assistance moving it implies they are packed.” ~ Peony-Pony
“NTA. I’ve helped a lot of people move and NOT A SINGLE ONE was totally ready to move.”
“It’s a spectrum and most are on the ‘not totally packed and definitely haven’t cleaned’ end.”
“Then he didn’t even bother with the UHaul.”
“She knew she was setting you up for a s**t day as soon as she said she was staying home to watch your son.”
“Going to the hockey game was just the cherry on your s**t sundae.” ~ C_Majuscula
“NTA OP, I’m someone who compulsively helps basically anyone and everyone I am in a position to help- what I hate, however, is being volun*-told* that I’m going to help someone.”
“Especially, when that person I’m going to help hasn’t even done the bare minimum to help themselves.”
“If hockey is your thing, then that’s a double d**k move on the part of your wife.”
“Either she needed to be with you, helping, or her brother could find someone else to help.” ~ Baileythenerd
“NTA- It’s deeply inconsiderate of your wife to volunteer you without asking your permission first, and doubly so of her for accusing you of ‘blaming her for Joe and his GF’ when she was the one that volunteered you to clean up their mess.”
“Next time they need help in any way that is a meaningful time or energy commitment, if your wife thinks they need the help that bad she can go.” ~ JohnStalvern
“I’d be livid if I was OP.”
“Not to mention the gall to steal the first game with the son.”
“OP should stand his ground until he gets a sincere apology, and she doesn’t get to volunteer him for ANYTHING going forward.” ~ dirtybirty4303
“NTA. She never should have agreed in the first place without your input.”
“With no babysitter, she should have called and postponed the move.”
“An aside: When there was no trailer and they hadn’t packed, you should have said, ‘Okay, we’ll try for another day after you’re actually ready and prepared to move.'” ~ extinct_diplodocus
“NTA but your wife sure is.”
“I’d say you’re no longer available to help her family.”
“And maybe try some couples counseling because she is really insensitive and dismissive.” ~ frandiam
“NTA- You missed out on quality family time to help her family.”
“You were probably trying to hold in the fuming rage when your son was trying to tell you about the game and you seemed barely interested.”
“I can see how this was a rock and a hard place and I have made the move several times when people commit to coming by to help with a move and then they don’t show up.”
“But I would rather someone not come to help move if they are going to begrudge coming, or bring their kids that are underfoot or need to be watched (been there too).”
“I belong to a religious community where helping people move is such an iconic act of service that it also becomes the brunt of some hilarious jokes.”
“So needless to say I have seen my days of hot, cold, easy, to back-breakingly difficult moves and I would never volunteer an enemy let alone a friend or a loved one to move.”
“Then to go off and enjoy the day at an awesome game is like when reminds me of the immortal words spoken by Max ‘While you’re at it why don’t you give me a nice paper-cut and then pour lemon juice on it!'” ~ kRag_the_terrible
“NTA. The minute she professed incredulity that you were indicating your day totally sucked versus hers… she lost all credibility.”
“Definitely tell her she’s not volunteering you to do anything for anyone anymore, especially her family.” ~ dart1126
“I give you a lot of credit for not telling BIL and his GF to call you when GF was totally packed and if you were still home, you’d come back.”
“And heading home.”
“Have I not totally finished packing on a moving day?”
“Sure but not so not finished that it was a massive undertaking to finish.”
“Forget Joe cheaping out and not getting a Uhaul. NTA.” ~ rak1882
“NTA ever for being upset about being ‘voluntold.'” ~ IrradiantFuzzy
Well, OP, Reddit is with you here.
There is nothing more frustrating than doing people a favor when they are completely unprepared.
This is why getting people to help with moving can be like pulling teeth.
Once you’re both in a calmer place, you and your wife may need to have a very real sit-down about this situation.
And don’t answer the phone when Joe and the GF call for help next month.
Good luck.