No one wants to be told that they’re holding someone else back. We want to be involved in people’s successes, not their demise.
And it’s a hurtful enough concept that cutting contact with the person we might be holding back can be easier than keeping them in our life, empathized the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
After his girlfriend broke up with him via text, stating that he was holding her back, Redditor Commercial-Yak-3422 decided it was best to block her number and move on.
But when she later accused him of never caring about her at all and not trying to stay in her life, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he was somehow wrong for taking her text message at face value.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?”
The OP’s long-time recently broke up with him via text message.
“My (19 Male) ex-girlfriend (20 Female) of three years broke up with me Sunday night over text.”
“She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back, and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn’t value her.”
“When she sent me that, I just sent back, ‘Okay,’ blocked her number, and fell asleep shortly after.”
The OP’s ex-girlfriend involved themselves in the breakup the next day.
“I did not block her friends and had loads of messages yesterday morning when I woke up. They were asking me to unblock her and to talk to her.”
“My sister (20 Female) is also friends with my ex-girlfriend. She told me that my ex was hurt by my sudden block and that she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay.”
“I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn’t want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me.”
“My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex, and she just wanted to talk to me.”
“I again told her I was fine and that I’d rather not.”
“My sister then told me that I’m acting ‘insanely calm’ for being broken up with someone I was with for three years. I again told her I was fine.”
“She asked me if I cried and I told her that I didn’t and I just fell asleep listening to music.”
“My sister told me that she was concerned about my ‘lack of emotion’ and told me that my behavior wasn’t normal. I told her that I’m not obligated to cry over anything and I think it’s weird that she was acting like I was.”
The OP decided he’d had enough of the conversation with his sister.
“My sister once again told me that it wouldn’t hurt to have one conversation with my ex because she was still ‘worried’ about me and wanted to stay friends.”
“I once again told her that I was fine and didn’t want to talk to her.”
“She told me that my lack of compassion was ‘psychotic.’ That p**sed me off, so I just started ignoring her, and she eventually left me alone.”
Then, the OP’s parents got involved, too.
“This morning, when I woke up, my sister sent me a bunch of text messages again, so I just blocked her. Because of this, she went and told our parents.”
“They were upset with me for blocking my ex without communicating first. They said that we’ve been together long enough and they thought of her as a second daughter.”
“I was just aggravated at this point and told them that I’d appreciate it if they minded their business, but they didn’t stop, so I told them that I wouldn’t hesitate to block them too if they continued, which caused them to stop.”
“They apologized to me and told me that they didn’t mean any harm but just felt like it was a little ‘inconsiderate’ of me to block her without talking about it first, but they won’t press me to talk to her if I don’t want too.”
“AITAH?”
In a second post, the OP clarified a few points about the relationship and his sister.
“After all of this happened, my ex showed up at my parents’ house during Easter with my sister.”
“My parents and I weren’t even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.”
“She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn’t care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her.”
“I was confused by this, to be honest. I told her that she said I was holding her back, and she needed to move on.”
“If anyone told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would’ve blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn’t say that, I still wouldn’t have begged her to stay.”
“We kind of talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home.”
The OP’s sister continued to insert herself into the situation.
“When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I was simply punishing her for caring about me.”
“My parents are mad at my sister, though, because they said it was unnecessary of her to do that at their house because it made the atmosphere awkward for everyone.”
“Other than that, I’ve just been chilling. I don’t think I’m going to try to date anybody else soon, though, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable with how much she’s invested in my life.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his ex-girlfriend got exactly what she asked for.
“This girl overplayed her hand. What she THOUGHT was that OP would beg her to stay and ask what he could change about himself to improve. Instead, OP was like, ‘Cool, peace out.'” – Dewhickey76
“NTA, she broke up with you, and she has no reasonable way to expect that you would continue to follow her around like a lost puppy.”
“Showing up at your parents’ house to talk to you after you blocked her is stalker behavior, so she made herself cry when it didn’t turn out like she wanted.” – BeautifulPhantom1
“I absolutely hate the manipulative behavior that some people exhibit. I guess she broke up with you and thought you would be devastated and do anything to get her back, but you just moved on and she freaked out.”
“Your sister has no business in your business, either. Maybe go lower contact with your sister and no contact with your ex unless you actually want her back.”
“I personally HATE game playing and would dump anyone who tries to do it.” – RevealActive4557
“Yeah, you have no reason at all to not block her. If she really broke up with you in an attempt to get you to level up for her, that is absolutely moronic. I wonder what dumb-a** other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man because any man would have told her that that idea was idi*tic.”
“We should all be going full no contact after a breakup. Also, why the h**l would you try to convince someone who has already decided that they don’t want you anymore to stay with you? Who the h**l would want to be with a woman who doesn’t want to be with them? That sounds like a nightmare relationship.” – -THE-UNKN0WN-
“NTA. If someone you’ve been dating for years breaks up with you over text, they don’t deserve any more of your time, let alone ambushing you for the worst Easter basket surprise of all time. Like, she ended it, she doesn’t get to demand closure.”
“Good on you for taking a much-needed self-care break, especially from your sister’s friends!” – letsrockhoundroll
Others agreed and pointed out the sister was acting like this directly impacted her.
“This is madness. Also, your ex broke up with you; not your sister. Your parents are rightfully so for being annoyed with your sister.”
“Your sister is making this about her. She has main character energy.” – SometimesOKmaybe
“She actually thought it was appropriate to come to your folks’ place to confront you about not chasing after her during Easter? She’s certainly a special kind of something.”
“As for your sister, tell the busybody to date her if she wants to be that far up her business, but you don’t need the dog and pony show anymore.” – Electronic_Goose3894
“She deserves exactly what’s happened. If there is something that needs to change, you talk like an adult to your partner and see if you can come to a good compromise. If you can, that’s awesome. If you can’t, it’s a shame, but you aren’t compatible.”
“OP’s ex-girlfriend played stupid games and won stupid prizes, and the OP’s sister is way out of line for encouraging this kind of behavior. Saying OP needs to accommodate this kind of ridiculous behavior.” – GeneralStorm
“Where does your sister get off trying to tell you how to act and feel? You were the one who got dropped over text, and they still managed to make you the bad guy? Don’t unblock your ex, either, don’t fall for her silly games.” – Unable-Selection-746
“Well OP seems that your sister doesn’t respect your boundaries and your decisions just because your ex was one of her friends. If it was another person, she would not say a thing.”
“She’s also made this whole mess bigger than it should have been.”
“Now about your ex, if she was so concerned about you and wanted for you to fight for her, then at least she would have taken the considerations of breaking up with you and explained herself in person, face to face, and not through a message. That is very immature.”
“Also, she clearly told you about her feeling that you are holding her back. Well, if that is the case, the OKAY you sent was perfectly fine because you understood that for her, you were a ballast, and any person would do the same by saying Okay and blocking this person to stop being a ballast to them, so they can set free, but it seems that she didn’t know what she wanted.”
“In the end, you did well, and now you know that your sister will always choose her friend’s side before you and that tells you a LOT.” – FlygonosK
This situation was as straightforward for the rest of the subReddit as it was for the OP. Since his ex-girlfriend said she wanted to break up, and her boyfriend was holding her back, it made sense for her boyfriend to make a clean break and exit her life.
If exiting her life wasn’t what the OP’s ex-girlfriend wanted, she should have either asked for something else or had a more involved conversation with the OP, preferably not over a text message.