People who lack social graces and don’t respect others’ personal spaces are clueless.
When a Redditor found themselves suddenly sharing the same living space with their son and daughter-in-law (DIL), they realized just how important social boundaries are.
After reacting dramatically to the DIL’s recurring tendency, they visited the Am I the A**hole (AITA)? subReddit and asked to seek judgment.
Sharp_Homework4201 asked:
“AITA for telling my DIL to shut up and she can’t sit with me if she can’t stop talking?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I live in a really peaceful area, which contrasts with my job a lot. I get home and I am usually spent. I like to go on my balcony with a cup of tea and just enjoy the weather for a bit.”
“My son and my Dil moved in since their home is being repaired from water damage. My son still travels for work and my DIL works from home.”
“Our relationship was fine before they moved in. The moment I come home she is all over me, I think it is due to working from home alone all day.”
The OP continued:
“I have asked her multiple time to let me relax but that hasn’t done anything. I have talked to my son and he just said she is happy to see me.”
“My wind down time is now her talking my ear off until my son gets home. I can’t get away from her for 5 minutes. I am so exhausted.”
“Personally I am getting very annoyed and I can’t recover my social battery. Today I was sitting outside trying to decompress. She came out and would not stop talking. I asked her politely to give me space and she didn’t.”
Then things took a turn.
“I ended up snapping and told her to shut up, that she can’t sit with me if she doesn’t stop talking. She told me I was rude.”
“My son is now on my a** about this and told me I need to apologize. I really don’t want to since I think I was justified.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors side with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Your son is making excuses. She isn’t excited to see you, per say, she’s excited to see/talk to anyone.”
“You are not her emotional support animal. You have a solitary routine that lets you unwind after a long work day. It is not your job to be part of her after-work routine.”
“She needs to find something else to do and they owe YOU an apology.” – sharethewine
“Truly she remind me of a dog when you get back from work. You know when you get home and they are all over you wanting attention.”
“Clearly working from home isn’t helping her social interaction. I think she should go into the office if possible. Being home alone doesn’t seem to help her.” – OP
“NTA -and honestly you are going above and beyond by letting them stay there. Is it possible for her to go into the office? If so, you need to have a talk with her about how she has to go in at least a few days a week.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m in a similar situation (daughter is taking time off from college, I NEVER have the house to myself) BUT when I clearly laid a boundary down with my 20 yo, she complied. Easily. And she is 20.”
“This is your space, you can put down boundaries that must be followed or they need to find another place.” – 2mom3grls
“That was my thought. Sit down with her and set your boundaries. Tell her when you come home, you want half an hour (or whatever) of total silence. She is not to bother you or come sit and talk to you at that time.”
“Once that time is up, then she can talk to you. It clearly would be good if she would go into the office.So she would have some social life or even get together with your coworkers in the evening after. You definitely sound like an introvert.”
“Tell her that, and that it’s important for you to have quiet time in order to rebuild after a busy day of interaction. If you do It kindly she will probably comply. You could abologize for snapping at her.” – Critical_Armadillo32
“Op has asked kindly many times going by the post. Why will one more kind request work when the others haven’t?”
“I do agree with stressing how important it is. But I don’t think OP should apologise for snapping when minutes/seconds before the snap they had asked for and weren’t given space.”
“DIL has been very rude in not respecting OPs requests and putting their own needs above their hosts needs. OPs son also has ignore their parents and hosts needs in favour of DIL.”
“I need decompress time too when I finish a work day. I’d be locking myself in my bedroom when I got home to avoid DIL. Or locking myself out on the balcony somehow.” – Fiesty_tofu
“NTA. I work from home (granted I’m a bit of an introvert) and I’ve got my partner that lives with who works part time. He gets how I am and I need down time.”
“We’ve got a fried that is living with us temporarily and when he gets home from work he is very much like your DIL. I’m feeling very drained these days because I feel like I don’t get enough down time of just sitting and relaxing with my own thoughts.”
“Your DIL pushed you over the edge and caused you to snap. But you gave both her and your son ample opportunity for her to tone it down. Your snapping is the consequence of that.” – aew76
“Okay, from the title I was ready to say ‘she probably has ADHD or something and struggles’ but seriously? NTA.”
“I have severe ADHD, and if someone flat-out said to me, ‘Hey, I need to decompress for 30 minutes in quiet after I get home’ I would do my absolute damndest to make sure they got that time.'”
“‘I might forget once in awhile, or have something that I really had to say or I’d forget, but immediately afterwards would be, ‘Okay, sorry, had to say that, I’ll leave you alone now!’ And I’d go back to do something else.” – CorgiKnits
“You tried asking for what you need and telling her politely, she didn’t listen. When someone doesn’t listen to you enough they are gonna get snapped at. Tell your son that you are doing them both a favor, and they need to respect your boundaries when living in your house.
“You should try just going into your bedroom and taking off all your clothes when you get home. If she knocks on the door tell her she can’t come in because you are naked.”
“If she tried to come in anyway she will learn not to. If she keeps knocking tell her that it’s your naked time and to go away.” – Music_withRocks_In
“you’re letting them stay with you and she called you rude after you have stated and asserted your boundaries??? remind them you’re kindly letting them stay with you but if they’re going to turn your kindness into a nightmare, then maybe this isn’t going to work out. NTA.” – ArmadilloSighs
“Introverts are NOT entertainment systems for extroverts.”
“But even if she wasn’t in need of people, there is still a huge issue. She only cares about her needs and not yours. She’s stomping all over boundaries.”
“At this point I’d have a conversation with your son to know the severity of the issue. At this point I would consider asking them to move out.” – LadyLightTravel
“Honestly sounds similar to cabin fever. She’s been inside all day, probably alone and when you get home it’s the first outside contact she’s had all day.”
“So she talks your ear off just because you’re there.”
“She definitely needs people to interact with outside of home. Or she needs to find a hobby where she’s meeting up with other people.”
“I’m guessing that your son is brushing it off because odds are she was doing that to him as soon as he got home and is savoring the relief that he’s getting from you showing up first instead of him.” – Lexicon444
“I really know the feeling of needing silence, or just the tv by myself with no one around whilst I just BREATHE. It doesn’t mean you dislike the person. You just need to damn decompress.”
“I’m with you OP. It’s highly overstimulating. She needs to pick up a hobby like yoga, afternoon walks whatever. NTA” – MicIsOn
Overall, Redditors thought the OP deserved their peace and that speaking out about it numerous times only to not be taken seriously warranted the succinct reaction.
The general consensus was that there can only be so many hints dropped until it has to be spelled out, and if the recipient of the reprimand can’t deal with it, that’s on them.